Monday, May 21, 2007

Ever have these shocking bipolar demands?

Hi,

How's it going? Hope you have a good day
today. Thanks to everyone who wrote me
yesterday with a number of remedies
to fix a bad back.

I tried a number of suggestions and
my back feels 10 times better.

Thanks. Okay on to the topic
today related to bipolar disorder.

I have noticed, that many people on
my list have unrealistic goals,
who have bipolar disorder and are in
episodes or just getting out of
an episode.

I was thinking of this because I was
reviewing my emails for the last week.

And there are a ton. I noticed there
were a number of:

Take me off your list, my loved one
won't listen about bipolar disorder

I need help, how do I get my loved
one to start reading your material

My loved one is lazy, she won't work
any more. She has been in an episode
for a month.

THIS ONE WAS REALLY ODD
I bought your bipolar success
course to give to my brother who
has bipolar disorder. He won't
listen or read it. He demanded
that I send it back and get my
money. Where do I return it?


The last comment was so strange
I had to call the person. I found
out this person bought my bipolar
success course which is for people
with bipolar disorder. The person
did not buy my bipolar supporter
course. Her plan was to give the
success course to her brother
so he could "find out about
the illness and fix himself."

That was the strangest thing
I have ever heard in my life.

You are going to give a course to
someone who is not in their right
mind and expect them to review
it. And when they say no, you
just go along with what they are
saying?

I told the person that is truly "crazy."

I said, "I don't care about your money
but I want you to do things that make
sense." I then asked if it made sense
for her to follow instructions from
her loved one who she said is totally
out of his mind?

After a few minutes, she said no. I
then asked, "why didn't you get my
bipolar supporter course instead?"

She said, "I am busy and just wanted
to hand something to him and figured
since he had the illness, he should
be the one who is doing the research."


I was like H E L L O!!!!!

Then I asked "Does that make sense
to you?"

After thinking about it, she said
it didn't and said she felt dumb
for writing me the email and dumb for
listening to her brother and dumb
for expecting her brother to have
to figure out his own illness when
he is seriously ill.

Wow. It's not just her others think
like this as well.

I call it Unrealistic expectations.

Remember the points I wrote about earlier,
those are all unrealistic as well. You
MUST have REALISTIC expectations with
someone with bipolar disorder.

I am going to tell you some from
my course but I can't get in much detail
because I have to take off for the day.

Your loved one can't make good decisions
and probably won't

Your loved one can't fix him/herself

Your loved one won't drive him/herself
to the doctor by him/herself

Your loved one won't handle money well.

You can't expect your loved one get
get well after a major episode in a week
or two. If you listen to "my mom's story"
in my courses, you will see how long it
takes. NOTE-We wouldn't ask the stroke
victim to get up and start working and
call the person lazy if when he/she couldn't
work.

WARNING!!!!!

This is with someone with bipolar disorder
that is in an episode not well and stable.
I repeat when they are in an episode NOT
well and stable.

There are many thing you have to learn about
this illness if you are support. BUT you
have to be realistic and fair with your
loved one. You can't make ridiculous
demands on them when they are in episodes
and not in their right mind. That's not
fair.

Don't pressure them. I never did that with
my mom. I knew that it would take time
for my mom to get back to normal.

This is a really complicated subject that
I cover more in my courses/system if
you are interested.

SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net



Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
https://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can't learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com

24 Comments:

At 7:31 AM, Blogger Jezemeg said...

Thank you for today's email David (21/05/2007). I don't suffer from bipolar, but a similar one, schizophrenia. Through my street ministry I come in contact with a lot of people who have mental illness, many who are so defeated because they've been told that they are lazy etc, merely because others who don't suffer can't understand that just because they've 'come out' of an episode, they're not better...that it may still take sometime to get to a functional stage, maybe even experiencing multiple episodes before reaching that level. Please people, follow David's advice, these episodes are devastating to the sufferer and they do take time to recover from, the added stress from loved ones condemnation does not help. What they need is reassurance that things will improve. God bless

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger Ginger said...

Dear Dave: you wrote:

"You MUST have REALISTIC expectations with someone with bipolar disorder."

While I totally agree with your statement, I would like to add that you are doing one HECK of a great job providing those of us who get the 'fallout' from loved ones with 'bipolar' a TERRIFIC education in SELF DEFENSE!

I see the 'bipolar' behavior issues as a VERY delicate balancing act between 'helping' those with the condition and our OWN SURVIVAL. BLESS YOU!

 
At 8:21 AM, Blogger Alyssa said...

Hi Dave,

This is a question/ statement which ever right now I am not sure. I have a friend with Bi polar that just got promoted in his job to become a manager in another state. I am so happy for this person however VERY scared because he depends on his parents he is over there every other day with and for their support being in another state... do you think he will be okay?? I fear that not knowing anyone and moving to a new place will be to stressful... I fear for the outcome nothing that bad just that the dream having a good job being a manager will be harder to do away from his family then with them around and having there support... Will his med help and what if he doesn't find another doctor like the one he has here... I am worried and I feel when his new girlfriend won't beable to handle this... I worry and I am wondering if I even should be... I just don't know...

 
At 8:22 AM, Blogger buTTerFLy said...

** all alone not by myself x an0ther man bad for my health x i'v seen it all thru sum1 else and.. i love a man bad for my health **

xxbuTTerFLy ~ Londonxx

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger violet said...

After spending 15 days in the hospital, and home one week, my husband is still struggling with his bipolar illness. I see cycles of paranoia, mania, impulsive actions but not as extreme as before he was hospitalized. It is very hard to listen to many of his comments as they are so hurtful towards other people. I leave the room rather than disagree or engage him in conversation. When he follows me to another room to tell me another "wrong" that has been done to him, I acknowledge him briefly, and then continue to do whatever activity I was working on. I'm hoping he will see that I am not impressed or interested in these hurtful and illogical statements he is making. But these outbursts are wearing on me.

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger TEXASBOUND said...

Dave you write a lot on when they are in an episode but the problem I see with my husband is the fear of talking to him when he is not. What to say and what not to say. Even when they are not in an episode it seams like you still live on pins and needles for the fear of what will set them off and then the guilt that you caused the episode because they are like children with little control over their emotions. If I had known anything about Bipolar years ago I would have ran, they are just to high maintenance and drive their loved ones crazy.

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger sippinamaretto said...

David-my husband signed up to get support from you and your reader's as a loved one of someone with bi-polar disorder-while I appreciate the time and effort you put into this column-I realize-even being bi-polar-this is just a way for you to make money. I have lived with this disorder for over 30 years and if my husband was to follow some of your advice,I wouldn't be in the hospital I would be in jail for rattling HIS cage. Three days ago I lost a cousin to suicide due to being in the depressive stages of the disorder and her husband was also following someone else's advice. While what you did for your mother worked for her,it won't work for all of us. We appreciate it when our loved ones try to help but buying a $200 self-help course,which I'm sure you worked very hard on, is not the answer. My husband has tried a few of your suggestions and instead of helping me he has just brought out the other side of the disease. God bless you but leave doctoring to the professionals. The suicide of a beautiful,vibrant thirty year old woman could possibly have been avoided if her husband had listened more to her DR. and less to non-professional advice. Heres praying your advice works for most of the people who try it but for severe cases PLEASE urge your readers to seek professional help for there loved one. My cousin will be deeply and sincerely missed and she could still be here if her husband had only listened more to the $200 Dr. instead of trying to get off cheaper by doing a self-help treatment. Thanks again for your concern and may your methods continue to help your mother.

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger Houston RCO said...

Hi all, I am using David's information to help understand what the doctors have diagnosed as schizophrenia. I am just not sure and looking for answers. So thanks everyone who post. Does anyone know of an informative blog that I can join and learn about the schizophrenia supporters. Thank you David for all the effort to help others find that the family must be involved with the ill and to learn how to know how to support them. May all that pray, pray for the support of David. His effort astounds me and everyone must admire his open door. Respectfully , Marcus

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger susan said...

I have taken lithium for 18 years.
Only when my ex-spouse revealed that he was taking depakote would my son agree to a psychiatrist's assessment. He had finished college with a business degree (on the wave of liquid anesthesia) and the following night received his fourth DWI. Now on lamectil etc.etc., his rages are gone and he is growing in self-awareness.
He is isolated---17 mi. from town
and without a drivers' license.
He has a talent for writing, and
expresses himself quite well on paper. Maintaining a small house, caring for a dog and two cats, is his present responsibility. I am ok with supporting him as I know what this sometimes debilitating illness can be. I don't answer when friends and family say, "He needs to get a job." Of course he does; but at the present time a quiescent state keeps him stable.I respect his desire to avoid disability labeling.
Thank you for your support.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger David Oliver said...

This post has been removed by the author.

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger David Oliver said...

I would like to remind everyone that I am NOT a doctor, lawyer, therapist, accountant, cpa, insurance sales person etc. Please note the disclaimer at the bottom of all my sites and emails.


This newsletter and blog, and all the opinions expressed herein, are not intended to replace the assessment, advice or treatment of a physician or therapist, and are not professional advice. You, and you alone, are solely responsible for the use of the ideas, concepts, opinions and content and hold The Leverage Team, LLC. and all members and affiliates harmless in any event or claim. If you are under the age of 18, please go to the link at the end of this email to stop receiving it immediately or send mail to address below.

This is in reference to a reader comment that suggests that I have not made this clear which I have again and again at least 50 times this year alone.

 
At 2:20 PM, Blogger Tracy said...

Hi, I want to start by saying thank you for your support and for knowing that we all need it.
My husband was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago and has been on depakote, which of course he has gone off of a couple of times. Anyways, he has now been taking it regularly, and knows now that he can not go off of it. But the problem now is that he says it isn't working for him like it used to. Well, instead of calling his doctor because he doesn't have to see him in two months, he decided to increase his meds himself. What should I do? He says he hasn't been feeling right, but if I ask him too much about it he gets irritated. I know who his doctor is. Should I contact him myself? Although, my husband will think this is an invation of his privacy. I'm not really sure what to do next. I don't want to wait for another ball to drop. Well, thank you for listening, and I hope you can give me some advice on how to handle this situation. Have a great day.

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger Donna said...

This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 6:27 PM, Blogger Joann said...

My time has run out.I've wrote twiced already and was not sent.

 
At 6:58 PM, Blogger Liz27 said...

We just resently discovered that my husband is bipolar. We have two children, a toddler and a two month old. I do not trust my husband and have not for a long time. I want to get that trust back, but he refuses to go to marriage counseling saying he goes to enough counseling. We are not living together. He had been going to get help but will not let me go or dicuss treatment with me. What are some realistic expectations I should have will he ever want to earn my trust back? Is there a way to go about getting him to talk to me without upsetting him?

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger jeannie said...

Thank you so much for your daily e-mails . My adult daughter has bipolar and somedays I am at my wits end .My other two grown children don't want to deal with her ,but I think they are begining to come around because I am not in the best of health. I have told them about you and I feel better for having read your e-mails . Thank you and God Bless you

 
At 10:12 PM, Blogger SuzanneWA said...

David, first of all, I want to thank you for your quick, and needed, response to my telephone call last night. I have been thinking of myself as a high-functioning bipolar, but last night I was "in a mood." I have NEVER been "moody;" always able to be cheerful and thoughtful with interpersonal relationships. But, on top of a severe back ailment (implemented a LOT of pain, so I commisserate), and my boyfriend leaving in a huff because I wasn't able to get up and make his breakfast, I was "low" all of yesterday.

Talking about support for bipolars, my mother refused to acknowledge that I even HAD a mental illness; I had been in a STATE mental hospital for four months, and one diagnosis made during that time was - pernicious anemia - because I had one-third of my stomach removed three years previous, and was unable to produce red blood cells on my own. Vitamin B-12 was ordered, with megavitamins and extra helpings of meals, with meal supplements. As far as my mother was concerned, it was a PHYSICAL illness, and NOT a mental illness. Then, WHY, I continue to ask, did she think I was in a STATE MENTAL hospital? My ultimate diagnosis in 1977 was manic depression. She said no daughter of her's was a "maniac." So, after being released from the hospital, she expected me to act and respond "normally." Of course, she continued to take very GOOD care of me, not requiring that I get a job until I was ready, and supporting me until I was able to move out on my own, which was a year after my release.

I only want to say to the supporters/loved-ones of a bipolar - please understand that it is NOT a reflection of YOU that your loved one is ill; it is a chemical imbalance that they can't help. Doctors can prescribe antipsychotic medications, and ask them to go to counseling, but if they refuse - there's really nothing you can do until they become so bad, you have to hospitalize them. As David has said many times, when his Mother has been released from the hospital stays she's had, she is ALWAYS grateful that she WAS hospitalized, and brought back to a reasonably normal existence. Help your loved one; do NOT walk on "pins and needles" around them. That is NOT necessary, unless in YOUR mind, they react violently to ANY conversations. Deal with it.

 
At 1:47 AM, Blogger becca said...

i just read ur email from yesterday.ive been trying to understand more about bipolar since i was diagnased.but i dont have the support i need for the episode my in now.i dont take my meds right and i dont sleep well.but i dont have the support of a family member b/c my sister and dad also suffers from it.

 
At 6:56 AM, Blogger cigi said...

Can someone please explain why bi-polars go into the hospital? I'm bi-polar, but should I be hospitalized? How would I know if I need to go to the hospital? I have deep depression and those black moods, and am not manic--I'm down nearly all the time. What is the criteria for being hospitalized?

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger victoria.wales said...

In relation to Cigi

Every one is different and there are those who never need to be hospitalized. I support someone who need no hospital but lots support, takes no medication but is doing extremely well now he understands his illness. If your depressed your supposed to have a plan before it gets bad in order to get out of it sometimes medication from hospitals works others is counselling or self discipline as my partner refers to it. When you get dark thoughts learn to think hang on this is my illness not me I better do something good (Don't spend money though and get into debt it's not good. I suggest you go to the website that allow you to print record sheets to monitor your moods daily, which may help you discover a pattern who the dr a better idea what you are dealing with. All Bi polar sufferers can get them I use them to monitor my partner and all it did was help him gain better control over his moods and discover if alchohol or drugs causes more frequent episodes he now cut right back and has longer boughts of stability.

Take care guys

 
At 9:27 AM, Blogger guitarmarj said...

Hi Dave, my 13-year-old has a Mood Disorder NOS diagnios.I beleive she is BP1. She has been medicated since she was 6. She has been on welbutin since then. They have tried to take her off the welbutrin in the past with increased agression resulting every time. She was hospitalized the end of March and they took her off the welbutrin again. Last week she wrote a note to a classmate treating this classmate and treating to bomb her school. You can guess what kind of trouble she is in. She in now back on the welbutrin and the maximum doage of Geodon. The school knew of her condition and medication changes and did nothing when she began complaining about this child bothering her. Now we have serious legal issues because the school failed to take her condition seriously. Parents of these children have a hard enough time. It makes things so much more harder when the people paid to educate our children don't take their disorders seriously and follow safeguards to protect not only the affected child, but the child they have issues with. In our case my child just wanted to scare this child into leaving her alone for good and ended up scaring the entire community with her irrational thinking due to her medication changes. It is hard for people to understand why she didi this.

 
At 10:54 AM, Blogger Nancy Pence said...

Dear Dave,

I cannot find my lastest blog, so am very confused as whether to restate it or let it die. I thought it had some very pertinent information in it that you AND all your supporters could use. If, for any reason it failed to get posted PLEASE let me know, so I can resend it. It concerned Free MEDICINE and my experience with CCCS.

Anyway, I haven't sent in my coupons for the two free phone calls yet, but am most interested in talking to you about becoming an affiliate. You mention mentioned on the phone, the first we spoke) that you were considering it.(I'm the woman from Texas that lost $350,000--which has grown to an even larger amt., since we talked) If you are trying to help as many people as you can, I have a way to help you. Maybe even some of your supporters as well.

Please respond to me by email: nep45@sbcglobal.net/
and provide a phone number so I can call you or: call me yourself @ (903) 297-7277.

I've spent the last 39 years of my life helping and caring for other people, and like you, I've been searching everything and anything that I could find for over the past six years that has anything to do with mental illness.

I alone have not been untouched by mental disorders myself. All my life, ever since I can remember, I have suffered from clinical depression and then due to all we have been through with our bipolr son, I now have an anxiety disorder,anxiety and panic attacks along with post tramatic stress syndrome.(31 years, if you count the period when he severly suffer from ADD/HD as a 2nd grader.)

And now we have custody of his son who is 8 yrs. old(we've had him since he was 2 1/2 yrs.old). I took me less than a year to figure out that he was ADD/HD as well, and he has been seeing a phyciatrist and a therapist since he was FOUR!

I just wish I knew then what I know now, much to your credit. And, I wish the doctors knew then what they know now. Doctors back 31 years ago didn't know anything then compared to what they know now---and that is only IF they are good drs.

I know about the HIPPA laws, and the damage the mentally ill go through, especially if the patient is over 18. But most of the "stupid"doctors"believeeverything the PATIENT tells them, and won't or can't bring in the supporters the patient needs. AND, won't listen to the supporters either.

I was calling my sons Dr. to give him updates as to how he was REALLY doing, which the dr. didn't know, and the dr. sent a message to me telling me to quit calling and bugging them. He even told our son some of the things I reported, for example, He took one whole new bottles of high strength hydrocodone(which I have to have for my fibromyalgia)and he sither took it or sold it. AAANNNDD, the doctor even told him about that, along with the fact that he was taking his meds any longer and he was self medicating with street drugs and alcohol.

Needless to say, our son came home in a violent episode and has had little to say to us since.

That's all for today, Folks.

Dave, don't over look the beginning of my post and let me hear from you soon, PLEASE!

God bless you in all you do!

Nancy

 
At 11:48 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Hi Dave,
For your back problem - try adding a pint of apple cider vinegar in the hottest bath water that you can take. Try this for several days in a row. My brother who has chronic back problems swears by this remedy.

Karen

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger lanelocust48 said...

I understand that living with the bipolar disorder can be devastating. It has almost costed me my career, my life when I was in an episode.
Since I have learned a lot about myself, triggers and what to avoid, my life is back on track.
Not to say, I don't have my bipolar moments and days. BEcause I do.
I know that for every episode I go into now, it takes twice as long for me to gain ground back and be functional once again.
I can see where one can get discouraged and wrapped up in their disorder. However, I do also know that if one wants better for themselves, they can somehow to manage the disorder.

 

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