Bipolar Survivor

Opening Post

First Impressions

Hey, y’all,

When Dave first approached me to begin journaling on this blog as a bipolar survivor, I was so excited! I thought, gee, I have so much to share, I can help so many people, I’ve got this thing all under control, blah blah blah. Well, let me tell you. God really does have a sense of humor!

Right after the “I’ve got this all under control thing,” and after two whole years of stability (no episodes), I went into a manic episode. And I don’t mean the “good” kind, where I love everyone and everyone loves me, and the only downside was that I spent too much money. I mean the “bad” kind. The very bad kind. This kind of mania was new to me. I had never experienced it before, and one of my first angry thoughts was, nobody asked me if *I* wanted this experience. I didn’t get a vote. ‘Cuz if I did, I sure wouldn’t have opted for this. It was pure hell…every single day of it was a living hell. The only good thing to say about it at all was that somehow, miraculously, I did survive it and was even able to write about it, which you can read about in the article called BIPOLAR EPISODE – MANIC- PART ONE.

I had wanted to make a good first impression on those of you who have bipolar. Instead, after going through what I just went through, you have made a good impression on me. I have so much respect and empathy for those of you who have to deal with this “bad” kind of BP, and for your loved ones. The best thing to be said for it is, you can get through it (see my article entitled “What’s Good About Bipolar?”), whichever type of bipolar disorder you have. I am living proof of that.

So, y’all, with all my best laid plans to make a good impression down the drain, I’ll just be me, ok? Which is all I can be, anyway. I’ve got this keychain that I love. It says, “Don’t try to understand me, just love me.” My postings may not always be happy-happy-joy-joy, because for us survivors, sometimes to even have one happy day in a week is about the best we get. Some of my postings may be on the sad side. But I will always be honest.

Just a little of my background: My grandmother, my mother, my sister, one of my brothers, myself, and my 15-yr-old son all have bipolar, so I am very familiar with all sides of the disorder, from a very young age. My sister was 44 and killed herself this past April, because she was off her medication. So if you find me a bit of a hard-liner on taking medication religiously, please forgive me. It’s just that if my sister had stayed on her medication, she would still be alive.

So, I hope that my postings will encourage you, help you, and if nothing else, remind you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Michele

44 comments

Wow! Your article brought tears to my eyes. It’s like you’re thinking my thoughts. It’s nice to know that other people go through the same problems. Thanks again. Terri

Wow yes my bipolar also comes from my family. My mom had it so does my brother who refuses to admit he has it. So all i can do is pray he does not let suicide be the answer for him . Thanks so much for the story i can toatlly relate to it as i am sure others as well can .. Hugs to you.. God Bless.. Teresa

I’m bipolar and so is my dad. He went off his meds about three months ago. He has since bought a brand new truck and quit his job of 17 years. He’s been on meds for about 20 years. Theres alot of other signs too. I’m going to copy this and give it to him. Thanks and good luck. Shellie

Thank you, David and Michelle!!! David for your ongoing devotion to your mother and this subject, and Michelle for being willing to take the challenge of this site and tell your story. This has been a long time coming for me! I have bipolar too, and was only recently diagnosed with it after a lifetime(I’m 49) of wrong diagnoses and treatment. I can’t say I’m happy to have bipolar, but I sure am grateful to finally have the right treatment. This blog site will be an answer to prayer for many people with bipolar who, like me, have finally found a good, safe place to communicate. Deb

Hi Michele,
My sister committed suicide as well. YOU are not alone!!! Hard to live with huh…(Painful).
I hate having BD. Suicide always comes into MY mind. Right now I am going through a depressed state but thank GOD for Lithium and Wellbutin. My boyfriend of 17 Years physically hurt me Friday night and that has kinda thrown me into a light depression.

Hi Michele! Thank you for your blog. It will be helpful for many. Please don’t worry about it being perfect; honesty is far more important. After many years of being treated for unipolar depression (not to mention the far too many years that I received no treatment), I’ve recently been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. I also recently spent two weeks in the hospital as I was profoundly suicidal and did not want to hurt myself. My son (undiagnosed bipolar disorder) went off his antidepressant suddenly and suicided while he was a psychiatric inpatient. Long and sad story. My deepest sympathies on the passing of your sister. If you haven’t already discovered a group for suicide survivors (the loved ones left behind), they can be very helpful. Best of luck on your blog! Karen

Hello, this is my first time posting. I think that it takes a lot of courage to start a forum and be open with the world. Your open and honest comments have helped me today.

My mother was bipolar- non medicated suicided at 40..have had several cousins commit suicide, my brother and sister although never diagnosed happen to self medicate with illicit drugs. My daughter was diagnosed after taking a bottle full of narcotics right in front of me. (She is non medicated at this time because she doesn’t think that the diagnosis is correct.) I am bipolar with my diagnosis originally occuring at the age of 15. I tried to kill myself, landed up in a mental hospital and then two months later my mom shot herself. Currently I am hypomanic, but I am worried that I will go to the left and hit full blown mania. That is scary. I have been hospitalized several times- three for depressed states and one for a severely dangerous manic state where I became obsessed with revenge on someone who I felt was responsible for ALL of my troubles at the time. I am glad that this forum is available. Unless you have been there in the store spending every dime you have on soap making books, or something bizarre like that it is difficult to understand how someone could just up and quit a job that they have had for 17 years. (I have had 22 jobs in the last 20 years) Whew, Sorry to ramble. As I said I am cycling right now. (I am a rapid cycler)

Again thanks for providing the opportunity to reach other people who are in similar situations.

God Bless.

WOW I CAN REALLY FEEL FOR YOU.I HAD MY LAST MANIC ATTACK 2 WEEKS AGO AND IT WAS THE WORST EVER.I CAN TRUELY RELATE TO YOU. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

Thanks Terri! My mom is bipolar, she’s 77 and her NEW boyfriend says that she doesn’t need to take her medication because HE knows that she really is not bp. What to do???? She’s had 3 episodes since my dad died in 2000 and the family is NOT happy about this latest “love affair” but, then what can we do besides just wait for the depressive mode to hit and since she’s not taking her meds as she should it probably will happen ~~ toooo soon … Lordy, lordy. On top of that, I’m in a funk mode myself (also bp) and have NO insurance to get medication. WHAT A MESS!! My youngest brother also is bp and he’s having a very difficult time but seems to be coping. Anyway, nice to know there’s others out there with this particular family brain soup. Thanks again, Judy

I really appreciate your article! It helps me to see that I am not alone. I didn’t realize how extensive my problem was until my early twenties, or it could be that I didn’t want to believe anything was wrong. I have two sisters that are bipolar, myself, my two brothers and my father. I also didn’t realize that it can cluster in a family. Again, thank you for your story.

Cat
I can really relate to everyones comments, where can I get Professional help please? My Dr insists I have anxiety disorder, but after doing an online assessment test and reading Dave’s pages I really think I’ve been wrongly diagnosed. Thank you for all you are doing to help people aware of this illness.

I recently found out that I was BP; but I have been suffering from depressed episodes since I was about 10 years old. I was mis-diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder; but I know in my heart that the Dr. was wrong because my bad days still out weighed my good ones.

When reading the other comments I found a common similiarity (i.e. suicide). I tried to commit suicide at age 10 because I just did not want to live anymore.

At age 34 I was diagnosed with BP and was hospitilized after a bad manic episode. What I have since learned is that my grandfather was schizophernic, and I have two cousins that are BP.

Now that I am armed with more information about my condition I can share my experience with someone else.

Thanks!

Thank you for this info. I’m new to all of this as I have just been diagnosed with BD. I am currently going thru some legal problems (which actually led to the diagnosis). My husband and I have just recently separated and he has temporary custody of both girls. Do I have anything to be depressed about??! I’m trying to gather as much information as possible about this condition to try and explain things to my family (who are in total denial) and my husband. Any other info would be greatly appreciated!

My 8 yo son has bp nos and we are having a time achieving stability for him. i also have a blog that i use to chart with him just diff things, and i am so glad to find this one that i can come to and read. Thank you for making the effort to do this!! more people need to know about bipolar!
I commend you for your bravery in taking this on! As for not being happy happy joy joy all the time that is fine that is what is expected!! you type as you feel just be honest and dont worry about the rest people need to see and know the real side of this disease!!!

Michele, thanks for your post. I am married to a bipolar survivor and am always looking for answers or help. He has been stable for over a year and I’ve been hoping that we had if under control. My heart aches for you and I’m a little frightened that he might have an episode in the future.
David, thanks to you for all the wonderful information that you send. Very useful…keep up the great work!
I look forward to hearing more of your story Michele.
Sandy

Posta comment on
Bite ME !!!

Gypsy says,Ditto !!!
Hope I’m here in the Morning…
Self Medication Yer !!!

“Was it Worth it”

You tried it once you thought it was hot
You thought it was good the feeling was great
You also thought it would be easy to stop
Yer ! Right Mate
But it went on shot after shot weight after weight…
Your body kept aching for one more taste
The Devil inside your mind screaming & telling you lies
Don’t worry about those you are deceiving
Lets Me & You just get high,it’s not you or them
…But I…
That takes you to the edge & Makes You FLY…
Was it Worth the Money ?
Was it Worth the Risk ?
Was it Worth th part time High ?
Was it Worth seeing your Body Die ?…
Now you wanna stop it’s not that Easy
Your so hungry & tired & sum what Fried
Your stomach is empty & feels Queasy
Your loopin out promising you’ll never do it Again
Your wondering if you’ve gone INSANE…
Have Faith in Your Self
Have Faith in Your Mind
Your Beautiful Body & Soul
You shall Seek & Find…
You have to do it alone & only for You
You have to have Faith & you must have Desire if you want to banish The White Devil
If you want to escape his Eternal Fire…
If you dont do that,Just take a seat & Wait
For the Universe has an Alternate Plan
As the Chicks with the wings shall descend
And escort you back to The Summerland…
It you finally Suceed
As I know you can Do
There’s some questions to Ask
Your answers Innate only to You…
So tell Me down the Track
Would yopu play a second Round
With that Evil White Shit Again
Cause you think it makes you Sane…
” Would you ever come out & would you ever be the Same “
For that Evil White Shit,will claim your Body & Soul
Your mind becomes a Wasteland
Without a choice of your Final Destinations
Maybe Sunday Sess Every Week
With Elvis & his mates down at Gracelands…
He’ll help dig your Grave as your Mind Seethes
So don’t Self Medicate with The Goey,Whipper
or sing with Lou Reid
For it’s your Epitaph,we’ll all Knowingly Read…
Cause He’s Always the Winner
That Evil White Shit they call SPEED…

“There’s nothing wrong with you,you just have a few stress’s in your life ” said Dr Murphy,go back to Next Step for counselling.Murphy’s Law the Next Step will be off a chair. Oh ! The Irony BITE ME !!!

Written
By: Gypsy Soul
Blessed Be !!!

My daughter was diagnosed as BP and they say it is hereditary so does that mean I have it too (she has cut me out of her life)? I know depression runs in my family on my dad’s side.

When I pulled up this email today & read there was ablog from a person who has bipolar and is sharing her experience, I went right to it and could not believe how much I related to everything. I was diagnosed with bipolar 6 years ago and denied it until 4 months ago, I picked up a book I had about bipolar and started reading it and told my husband, I have to have bipolar and I told him to read it.That’s when I called a counselor and psychiatrist and starting seeing one again after 3 years off. I never went off my medication, but after 6 years, the medication was not helping me and I needed a change. I was having tremendous mood swings, very hyper at times to very depressed and very low most of the time. I finally said to my counselor, I need help and she said that she could arrange to get me help at a great place not far from home and my husband and mother preceded to take me there and I received alot of help and the Dr. there changed my meds and put me on anxiety meds and mood stabilizers and I was there for 5 days and appreciated that we have places like that to go for help. I now am finally working a part-time job, after many tries at jobs where I was either discriminated against or told I said things that I don’t remember saying. The main thing is that I have connected with you, because I was at my counselor just this morning and I said to her I feel all alone and no one ever knows what I’m feeling, or how I’m feeling and it would be nice for someone to understand. Thanks for your articles and hang in there!! There are people who understand!!

Can someone help me… Can an depressed episode occur even though you are taking your meds properly? (Suicide thoughts. If so what do you suggest I do to get out of this feeling???

Michelle, thanks so much for your honesty. I’m sorry to hear about your sister. I’m going thru a very bad low myself. I haven’t been this bad in quite awhile. The thing I hate the most is feeling like I’m all alone & no one understands. I’ve been to the Dr.’s we’re playing around with my meds., but this takes time. I feel so desperate, yet it’s comforting to know there are others like me out there. I look forward to hearing from you again. Best wishes to you & everyone…Tracie

My husband’s bipolar has him in a depressed state,& we are dead broke& about to be hungry.His answer is to run out of state & live with his sister, which will leave me in a mell of a hess,but why doesn’t he care? I have helped support him emotionally & financially for 5 years, so why does he just want to leave now?Is it the illness or his personality or what?

Just wanted to say “thanks” to both you and David for finally letting the world know that we are a part of it. I lost my job not to long ago because of this disease and battle daily to control the feelings. Medication helps, but what helps more is knowing there are people are there like yourself and David that care and know how I feel.

hi,thank God for seeing you thru and you are indeed a living testimony to all of us who had BD. I had recently start a Blog too in the aim to encourage and lift up the moods of those who feel down. Had not touch on BD yet. Can go to http://jillhuong.blogspot.com/
lotsa love, Jill (Singapore)

a positive attitude is the best thing. im in a 12 step program and my sponsor tells me to stay in the light, for every negative thought i have to replace it with a positiuve thought. exercise and medtation work well too. but most important is not to go on a drug holiday. i dont like going to the gates of hell in my head. thank you so much for sharing so honestly.

Michele,
I’m a 35yr. old desert storm vet, sexual abuse, PTSD, OCD, and they say manic depressive person. The VA won’t change my diagnosis in the system to BP. They have me on citalopram hydrobromide(celexa) and trazodone. I wake up screaming or I don’t want to go to sleep. My 1st wife is my girlfriend now and our two children live with us also. My daughter is bipolar and my son is ADHD. My girlfriend/wife is depressed and lucky for the three of us the only thing that keeps my daughter and I from not killing ourselves and my son not catching the planet on fire. She has really been a godsend to me even though I was the one that called her to get back together. She just slapped me on the back. Sometimes I have good days. Sometimes being the operative word here. Right now I’m going thru the worst time ever. I keep hearing the voices inside my head telling me to go and get it over with. Sometimes they just tell me to walk and keep walking. I can’t, although for that moment it would alleviate all my problems, I would lose her and my children. No matter how dysfunctional, or in our case how multifunctional this family is, we love each other and are trying to muddle through. Problem is she, I, and the kids are tired of muddling. Mostly it’s because I am afraid of crowds, getting killed, or not having a clean bathroom to use. I also have a severe and tireless alien living in my stomach that keeps me from enjoying any activities that would otherwhise be fun. So we don’t go alot of places. Jobs have been a problem of course. My dog needs PROZAC too. This is definitely the crazy shack. More times than not I make fun of my illnesses and everyone elses, but I’m in such a funk right now. I want to die and can’t figure out the best way and don’t have the balls, thank GOD. As you can tell the meds ain’t working and I’m manic right at this very moment. Thank You for reading and rolling your eyes at this. She showed this to me and I found an outlet for my feelings. I don’t know how to tell her, or voice it. Reading your blogs gave me voice,if only for a few minutes. Keep up the good work and laissez le bon temps roule’.
Toby

My son is 18 and diagnosed bipolar a couple of years ago. Life has been a struggle for the whole family and my heart breaks for him because he so badly wants to be happy and I so badly want that for him. I love that boy with all my heart. His dad comes from a family of 11 kids and 4 of the boys have bipolar so I guess you could say its inherited. It’s been a constant struggle to hit on the right medication and we’re currently trying to get lithium levels right. Everytime we try a new medication I pray this will be the magic one. Sleep. He doesn’t. Trying to cope with final year at school is not working. Everything is so hard for him. As a mum I treasure every smile I see on that beautiful face. It makes the sun shine. Thanks to all of you for your comments. I’m really not alone and that feels good for me.

Linda–
An episode can occur even if you are taking your medications regularly. It may be a sign that your dosage may need to be increased, or that you may need to change medications. You need to let your doctor know what is happening.

Michele,
Thank you soooooo much for responding to me, I have felt so very alone with my battle with BD. Most women would want my life, however what sometimes looks perfect is not. I have normally been pretty happy, with my Lithium and Wellbutin. However as you know with BD when something happens to upset us we can go into a suicidal depression. I realize it’s my brain disorder and not me. I seem to be really happy or depressed….lately mostly depressed. I can not commit suicide as my sister did, because I have an obligation with my Mom. Oh well thank you for listening and responding believe it or not it really helps knowing I AM NOT ALONE!

Hi Michele again,
WHY does it seem so right to commit suicide when we are in one of our episodes, it takes over my thinking. I have so much to live for… I am pretty, live in the most desirable area in Newport Beach, drive ….. well lets say a very nice car. It all doesn’t mean anything, but in a way, it does, I worked my whole life to live this way….. and if it was not for my Mom (and Meds) I would be dead.

Hey ! Michelle & Tyler This is Gypsy !!!
I will tell you a Story soon…
Thanks for yours.

You no what Groovers if I get to tired to come to this computer I’m %#*^ed,for it remains to be the only shred of hope I have available at the moment,help is like Divine timing I have since found out,I may be Divine but do I really have the Time ??? I no one thing for SURE,I deserve to live for I posess unbidden Healing Gifts & Power.But I dont have the Energy to Heal within let alone without.
I meet a Bloke the other day who wrote this in my poetry book.

Deep within your deep – within there is a Self that see’s no sin.
No hint of pride,No hint of Shame there is your self enskinned in PAIN…

So let your Soul seek flight – enflame that that sacred light that seeks no shame & deep within one day you’ll find that which you keep or leave Behind…

Like I said before I lost my Matches,
Anyone got a light…

By: Gypsy Soul
Blessed Be

I have a little problem. I haven’t been able to hold a full-time job long enough to get insurance, because of mental illness. Therefore, I cannot get treatment, so that I can find and hold stable employment. I feel like I am in a Catch 22. I also feel like my mental health is declining rapidly, if that can be possible. I am having a harder time leaving the house. Suicide is looming over me. I haven’t been diagnoised with BD, but feel this is my problem. I was in a head on car accident when I was 14. My best friend died in the hospital a few days later. I believe I suffered from PTSD then, but was not diagnosed. I began having petite mal brain seisures at 17, the doctors insinuated it was all in my head. At 33 I went into Status Elepticus and would have died if my husband hadn’t rushed me to the hospital. They finally diagnosed me with Epilepsy. My husband divorced me and took away my two little daughters from me. That killed me! I have never gotten over it. Was diagnosed with an Acute Anxiety Disorder then. My husband accused me of being a manic depressive, like it was something you brought on yourself. I began reading this last week about the disorder, and you know, I think he was right. Half my family is on prozac. Aniety disorders and such. My kids are on prozac and my grandkids are ADHD. I am possibly ADD as well. When I was forty, I had my last seisure. However, I suffered from 5 migaraines a month for ten years after that. Last year they stopped, finally. During the last ten years I was diagnosed with depression. I went on paxil for about six months. For the migraines they put me on Amytriptline. I am not on any medication right now and haven’t been for a year. I can think clearly for the first time in almost 40 years. I can remember clearly all the things I did and said. I am ashamed. I now know the feelings and thoughts I have are not normal and I need help. I am so tired. Tired of being on this emotional roller coaster and want off. Suicide is not an option, but I am becoming deserate for intervention of some kind. My life is misserable and I am hanging on by a thread. What should I do? Have any of you been in a simlar situation? If so, what did you do to get the help you needed? I have no friends and I have no support. I am hoping to find those things here. Thanks for listening to me, and by reading your posts, making this hillbilly hermit feel not so all alone.

PS: This is merely the condensed version of my mental and health problems…my paperback will be out soon!

I’ve never been in a support group, diagnosed BP 5 years ago, grandmother was BP, 9 year old son is ADHD (but I think BP), and the rest of my family is messed up, too. I love Dave’s work here, it has helped so much. I’ve started my own blog to express myself to my family & friends, and hopefully to hear from other survivors & how they are coping! Please, please, please go to bipolarprincess.blogspot.com and post away!!!!

satincloud–
Please read the new posting on suicidal thoughts, and respond there. And remember, you are not alone.

As Michele’s brother-in-law I’m really glad to see all these postings and the dialog that is being shared. The one point I would like to say to anyone who has Bipolar and is thinking suicide is this “If you kill yourself, you also do it to anyone else that cares about you as well”. When you die they die. You will take a big part of them with you. Nothing in their lives will ever be the same again and they will never feel the same way again. I lived with and loved Deb for 21 years through the good and the bad and wish I had another 21 years to share but she ended that. She let me find her and I will never get that picture out of my head. She also ended my life as I knew it and now I have to start over and can’t seem to do it. I still can’t believe she did it to herself and the rest of us.

You see, Deb, Michele’s sister and my wife thought no one cared if she lived or died which was not true. It was the bipolar doing it’s thing and no one could make her understand what was going on or make her take her meds. We all tried. We tried for 8 months with no success. In the end, I received over 200 emails and calls from people she touched with her laughter, smile and kind words. She hurt a lot of people in many different ways so you can say it was very selfish to take the easy way out and leave us all behind to pick up the pieces, to try to go on with our lives without her.

It was pretty easy to keep the episodes away. Two little pills once a day. We lost our home in hurricane Charley and had to relocate. She ran out of pills and decided she could wait a few weeks to find a new doctor and get more. Within 2 weeks she started an episode which lasted 8 months and took her life.

So PLEASE take your meds for yourself and for the people that love and care about you. Know that there are many people out there that really do care and love you even if you don’t think so. People don’t always tell you they care or love you because they may be shy about it but just look at the way they talk to you or treat you and you will know. Don’t take the easy way out and leave them dying, picking up the pieces, paying for your mistake. Be bigger than that.

I sympathise Michelle – I and my family are just helping another family member through a depressed episode and after the psychiatrist upped his anti-depressants, he swung way up into a manic phase. Thank the Lord he is now on mood stabilizers and hopefully will not have to go through this again. We should all work towards getting mental illness accepted in the community in the same way as high blood pressure is accepted as an illness. There is still a stigma attached.

I trained as a psychiatric nurse 20 years ago – my relative had just been diagnosed and I learnt a lot about mental illness.

My heart goes out to all who suffer this way and to their families who like me were so bewildered when it first reared its ugly head.

Pray for a cure!!

God Bless you all

Valerie (Leicester England)

Hi Michelle, this is Rhonda, Toby’s girlfriend. I wanted to send you a note and says that you are a godsend also. Because of this Blog, Toby was able to express some of the things that were going on in his head to me after posting the note to you. I am a LPN and when he started sharing his inner thoughts, I was very concerned. The past few months have been what I call a roller coaster. Physically and emotionally Toby completely shut down. I knew something was wrong, again. I told the Doctor that his meds were not working, so they increased it and told us to wait. I hate doctors that tell someone to wait, when someone is in crisis, waiting is not an option. But Toby tried to follow the orders and kept taking his meds and became worst day to day. As of Wednesday Night, Toby was admitted to the VA hospital in what they call the FLIGHT DECK. He has a team of 6 people working on his case. Doctors, Pharmacist, Social workers, and Nurses. As of Thursday, He was put on Seroquel and Valporic Acid for the Bipolar Crisis, along with the Celexa and trazadone. After a complete physical and lab work they found out his colesterol is 435, below 200 is the norm. So they are treating him for high colesterol.They are checking and examining every inch of his body and mind. As of yesterday, He was sleeping like a rock again, He was not hearing the voices in his head, and he said he actually felt better. He actually smiled and cracked jokes at some point yesterday. I just want to Thank you for this site. It feels good to know that we are not alone. So few people are educated about this horrible disorder and others alike. People have told Toby things like, you do this for attention, Go Figure. Being a smart a** I said “yea! he loves the roller coaster ride of life, the ups, the downs and the death thoughts, not enjoying life, he enjoys living in hell everyday when the crisis hits. People that have known him all his life, still don’t understand. Even when you try to explain it, they think you should just be able to control it. I have seen Toby at his Best and I have seen him at deaths door. I just want the doctors to find a balance somewhere in the middle. I pray daily for him and others that have this disorder. I pray for the families to seek help and education so that they can understand, this is not controllable without Medication and Therapy. Long Term and Life Long! It’s up to us the few that understand to make the difference. This helps get the word out. Thank Heavens for the Internet. May God bless you Michelle, Keep up the fight. Life is precious and everyone deserves understanding and compassion. We started our own blog, It’s call Bipolars R Us. Check it out sometime. Thank you again, you are going to be blessed for the work that you do! and you have angels watching over you to protect you!

would you mind if i ask what medications you’re taking for your bpd? been under lithium and now in combination with trileptal for many yrs.(20 and 6)are these signs of CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY? i’m thankful that there are medications to control this disorder, but don’t you honestly feel like getting off of it one day ,and not be dependent forever? this will surely alleviate my feelings of insecurity and lift me up to that wonderful feeling of being NORMAL again.

Rhonda, you will be blessed for sticking by Toby thru the thick and thin and trying to understand him! And Seroquel is a godsend! Malou, meds are a pain, but thank God that you don’t have to keep switching medications to find the one that works the best and puts you on such a high that you think it’s working and it’s really not. If I knew the medication that I have now will keep working, I would take it as often as I needed to. Take the bad with the good!
bipolarprincess.blogspot.com

Is part of bipolar mean that you feel so badly about yourself and life, it feels overwhelming? Does it mean you have an aversion to people because you feel altered”, because you are always trying to hide your bad feelings?

Co–
What you describe can be a part of bipolar disorder, but can also describe regular depression as well, and also is general to many other disorders. If you could be more specific about your symptoms? Or perhaps go back to bipolar central and read some of the articles on bipolar disorder, it might answer your questions better?

Dear Michele, I am interested in reading Bipolar Episode-Manic Part One. Could you please tell me where to find it. I hope you keep posting

About Author

MICHELE SOLOWAY

Michele Soloway shares regularly on the ups and downs of dealing with bipolar disorder, along with personal insights, lessons learned, and encouragement for others who also have bipolar disorder.

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