One of the symptoms of a bipolar manic episode (or impending one) is that your loved one may get extremely angry at you, rage at you, or even become violent – even if they never have before.  I am about to tell you the fastest way to deal with your loved one's bipolar anger.


It's called de-escalation.  I know – it's a big word, but it's a simple concept.  All it means is that you can gain control over a situation that is out of control by using this method.


First, let's discuss what de-escalation is.  It is a way of calming down your loved one and his anger so that he doesn't make matters worse and so that things do not get violent.  De-escalation is a method you can use to ensure your own safety.  It is also the fastest way to deal with your loved one's bipolar anger.


Next, let's talk about your goal.  In order for this method to work, your goal should be to eliminate, or at least decrease, your loved one's anger, instead of further enraging him.


Therefore, you must do everything in your power to calm him down, and to de-escalate the situation.


Let's look now at some methods of calming your loved one down:


·         Make your voice softer

One way to calm your loved one down is to make your voice softer.  This forces him to have to stop and listen to what you are saying.  Try yelling at a person that you aren't sure is hearing what you have to say!


·         Stay calm yourself

The calmer you are, the better your chances are that your loved one will get calm as well – maybe not right away, but given time, this can work.  It will at least keep your stress lower, and give you more chance to think of a way out.


·         Don't fight back

Every instinct in you may be telling you to fight back, but you must resist this urge.  No matter how angry you may feel at the time, fighting back will only make your loved one angrier, and will escalate the situation, instead of de-escalating it.


·         Don't feed your loved one's anger

You have been through this before.  Don't do any of the things that, in the past, have fed your loved one's anger.  In other words, if you have said things that have made him angry, don't say them now.  If his words have hurt you before and he is saying them again now, don't react – this will just cause him to get angrier.


·         Don't take it personally

I know this may be difficult, but don't take anything your loved one says personally.  He is just ranting and raving, but it does not mean it is directly towards you.  This is just part of his bipolar mania.  Let the words and the anger just bounce off you.  Don't let yourself feel your own anger, hurt, resentment, and any other negative feelings you may be feeling at the time.


·         Wait until the storm passes

Just as someone who is drunk eventually passes out, your loved one will eventually "spend" his anger.  Wait until his "anger storm" runs out of steam, no matter how long it takes.  As long as you de-escalate in the ways I have outlined here, it should not take very long, and things should go back to normal fairly quickly.