Bipolar Disorder? Are you this kind of person?
Hi,
How's it going?
I hope you are doing really well.
I just got back from the gym and
was thinking about something.
I heard an expression this week that
I thought was really neat:
"Are you a sane person in a mad world
or a mad person in a sane world?"
It made me wonder, because people
are always calling me crazy!
But it's almost like asking, what came
first, the chicken or the egg!
I?m sure many of you have been called
crazy just like me, haven't you?
People fear what they don't understand,
and people do not understand bipolar
disorder. For that matter, people just
don?t understand mental illness at all.
I wonder if there will always be this
stigma associated with mental illness
or if people will someday learn enough
about it not to be so scared any more?
Have any of you had this same battle?
I had someone ask me once, "Am I
depressed or just more perceptive
and sensitive than those around me?"
And that made me wonder. Because
you know I'm always talking about
how the people who work for me
have bipolar disorder and other
mental illnesses and I'm always
bragging how they seem to be
smarter, more creative, etc.
And that just goes against what
"the norm" say about them.
So, again I wonder, "Are you a sane
person in a mad world or a mad
person in a sane world?"
It's hard to draw the line sometimes,
you know?
It's like the expression, "Just because
you?re paranoid doesn?t mean they?re
not out to get you!"
I'm not trying to make light of this
situation, really, I'm not. I know how
serious this topic is.
In fact I talk about the stigma that
my mother had to go through
in my courses and systems:
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net
Maybe the people around you are the
ones who are crazy, who knows?
I know I sure think that way sometimes.
Maybe it's just that people just don't
understand not only bipolar disorder,
but mental illness in general.
And maybe educating them is the
answer, I don't know. Maybe it will
help them, and maybe it won't.
But either way, I'm not going to
stop trying to educate them.
What do you think?
I have to head off to a meeting. I'll
catch you tomorrow.
Your Friend,
Dave
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posted by David Oliver @ 10:08 AM
116 comments
116 Comments:
David,
Many thanks for your letters, they are extremely helpful. I am going throught the awful trauma of separating from my beautiful wife of 28 years. She has decided that she has not really loved me for the past five or six years. This coincides with the onset of Bipolar follwoing my partners smash and grab raid on our joint, very successful business. What you have written about the failures of the system, or systems, in the US is as true of Australia where I lived for many years. Kate, my wife had no one she could turn to in the medical profession; my psychiatrists looked for easy solutions and kept on bumping up my lithium dosages, and I was a very rapid cycler (on major cycle per month!)I believe our time would have been so much easier if I had MS, ME or one of the other horrific but but publically acceptable illnesses. Since people like ourselves look normal, we must be "normal" (an ill-defined terms at the best of times) For my wife, she watched the lively, articulate, unselfish man, who worked at high executive level, falling apart with three weeks depressions, awful mania (oops, where did all the money go?)and seeing it year after year must have become too myuch for her. Tw years ago, when I think she reached the nadir of her ability to call what she now felt, love, I went into suicidal ideation mode with a vengeance and ended in a clinic for nearly 6 week. For the first time the disorder was explained, We wer taught cognitive psychology, meditation , diet etc. FOr the first time my dedication was balanced and adjusted by specialist psychiatrists. What a relief and now, two years on, I have managed the Disorder myself, merely tweaking meds where I need to With the Doc's approval. Unfortunately it is too late for my marriage, and no matter how much I want Kate back, Bipolar has ensured that she will now move on to a life less determined by a disorder that I renamed - "Constant Sorrow". At least I am well enough now to cope with what we are going through!
I think people in general are terrified of mental illness. It's one thing if you get cancer, it's not necessarily viewed as a mental deficit or weakness on your part. But if your brain gets sick, many people feel that you should just get over it or pull yourself together. And the idea of your brain going places without your permission is a little frightening - our sense of self is totally related to the brain after all.
I tend to see bipolar as a person having an extreme response to anxiety. When I feel anxious, I can't relax, my brain is going and I become talkative and feel a sense of euphoria. With bipolar that must be 100 times stronger than what I feel - I don't go for days without sleeping.
No one can ever know exactly what another person feels, but I think it is important to try and imagine. For me it makes mental illness much less scary.
And it also helps you see the humanity in a person acting in an unfamiliar way that may not make sense to you.
Hi Dave
Love getting your emails! I think I have 'been' with you now ever since you started this bipolar help thing.
I am really struggling at the moment, have been for ages, it seems, but I have a wonderful psychiatrist, the best in Durban, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa! He specialises in bipolar. But I have a feeling that if I don't improve soon, I will have to be admitted to hospital once again. So I am in a manic stage of trying to sort out my home, garden, dogs, paperwork, so if and when I do have to go in, all is in order for my husband.
Let me tell you, NO-ONE IS NORMAL!! There is no such thing as a 'normal' person. This I have learnt over the years.
Keep it up Dave, I know you must be 'running ragged' trying to keep all this stuff up and look after your own life, which you seem to do so well.
If you ever decide to visit South Africa, let me know, I would love to meet you! Not that things are too great here anymore, worst crime rate, electricity power cuts twice daily, polluted water - all sorts of things. This, of course, does not help my state of mind. My husband and I could go back to England, where we are both from, anytime, but it's so hard. We have a lovely home and garden, which we have spent so much money on doing up, and me so much time. We have three wonderful dogs whom we love to bits and who love us back! Couldn't take them to England, cos they would have to go into quarenteen for 6 months, they would not survive that. I wish England would drop that stupid law.
Anyway, must go.
lots of love
Liz
I'm having a depressive time and am very sucidial, I am working with a counselor right now and a physiolgistwho is in the prosses of changing my meds. so yea, people are scared of what they don't understand.
In my case for the most part when I am in mania I think I am the most sane (the best) in the mad (messed up) world. When I am depressed I feel like I am mad for living in such an insane (messed up) world. The world isn't perfect and neither am I.
Hi, David!
I liked your light-hearted conundrum comment about 'paranoia'. It's like me saying, "I'M not paranoid - EVERYBODY hates me!" (Joke!)
One day, people WILL treat people with Mental Illnesses without fear and stigma. The whole World is slowly changing its' overall attitude and beginning to start improving the behaviour in general of the Human Race in respect to the rest of Nature. About time, too!
I'm off now - had to cancel appointments today and attendance at a committee meeting tonight because I'm exhausted. The animals are fed, watered and okay, so I'm back off to bed.
Take care all,
Sue and all the animals. x
It seems that bipolar people leave in a diferent world and mesure time in diferent way it seems that time goes fast and slow for them some times
This is my first time doing this. David, I have been receiving your emails for since 6/2007 and bought one of your courses. This is when I was diagnoised with BP. You have been a life saver for me. I am the one that has bipolar.
I have only told 2 people outside of my family that I have bipolar. My family does not understand why I have done this. I am not ready hear other people's responses about being BP. If it is a negative response, I am not sure how I would receive it. To be on the safe side, I keep my mouth shut.
I have more support from one of the people that I have told than I do my own family (the ones that live me on a daily basis).
I have tried several times to get my husband and 2 girls that still live at home to read some of your emails. I'm not getting anywhere with this. I have 4 kids (34,32,20,18). My son lives out of town-I have forwarded several of your emails to him & his wife. He does not fully understand but does try. Since he is not around, there are several things that he does not understand. My daughter (32) tries that hardest to help me. She reads your emails & the info that I got from you.
My parents try to help because my mother was diagnoised over 40 yrs ago. Then, it was called manic depression & there was not alot of knowledge at that time. She was given shock treatment during that time. I was very young & didn't understand everything that was going on.
I know that my BP has hurt my family in many ways. I was in denial at first and eventually learned to accept it. At first, I refused to let anyone be involved in my therapy. I was in a manic episode and very NEGATIVE. I was hateful to everyone, saying hurtful things, yelling and even physical fights with my husband & 3daughters. I can remember doing this & thought "who is this person, why am I doing this."
Then, I went into a deep depression. I would lock myself up in my bedroom and cried all of the time.
Eventually, I was willing to let my family be involved in my therapy. As of this date, they are not willing. One of my daughters stated "I was shoving this down her throat & she didn't want to be involved. I have not pushed the subject anymore. My youngest one want even talked about period.
My husband refuses PERIOD. He thinks he knows all he needs to know, which is not much. He has read a few of your emails & it just doesn't sink in. He has not even tried to read any of the info that I got from you.
Back in 1990, I was diagnoised with some other health problems. I have fibromyalgia, Hashimotos thyroiditis, bulging disc in my lower back & pinched nerves in upper & lower back and now the BP.
We are going to get a divorce b/c I do not want to be with someone that cannot put forth an effort to help me. He already had a difficult time dealing with my other problems. His comment has always been "If the doctors cannot understand it, how do you expect me to understand it."
My next thing to do, is find a job to support myself and live on my own. This has been a challenge so far.
Again, your emails & info is what has helped me tremendously. I am trying to learn things that can effect me with BP. I am basically my own supporter. I try to keep a positive attitude. One thing that has helped is staying on medication. I don't ever plan to get off of it. I can remember what I was like before I got on medication. I don't want to go there again.
I apologize for this being long.
Thanks for everything
Hi, Dave
YES, YES, YES!! Friends and acquaintences over time who saw the signs and symptoms and even saw me go through episodes of depression and one manic stage were perplexed. I became known as loud, flaky, and though they listened sympathetically to the few things I shared with a few of them, there was no feedback. There were no comments, no support and no questions to find out more. They just didn't want to broach the subject or address it in any way. I think the worst thing that happened was when I talked a bit to a former pastor about my diagnosis. He ran from then on any time I approached him. There were always other people around, so he "tolerated" me, but in kinship meetings or after church when I said goodbye, if it seemed there was time to talk, he found other things to do. And he was so nervous, he couldn't hide it. It hurt me deeply. It made me bitter for awhile and I wanted to call him on it. I wanted to say "instead of running away, run to and learn about mental illness. People in your congregation need this ministry, but if you, the leader, run, so will everyone else." I wanted to tell him how rejected I felt, like a total outcast. It was a good lesson, though, to BE QUIET. Thanks for your blogs on this and also on the impact positive and negative thinking has on EVERYONE, not just BD survivors. Marni
Hi Guys my girlfriend goes into the maniac state and she stars cleaning everything if she is mad at me she won't talk to me for days she just ignorme some times she is very abusive whit her words any ideas how to coop with this what is the best way to handle it.
well sometimes I think I am crazy because the best friend I have that has the disorder is now alienating me again and don't know what, if anything else, I can do to get him to acknowledge me. I've tried phone messages, email, instant messenger and nothing is working. I live in a different state but know that he is in fact at home. As someone who has the disorder would any of you like to enlighten me when he goes thru this cycle. I am a very compassionate, caring person who dearly loves my friend. To add insult to injury, he is soon to be incarcerated for previously being involved in the drug world. He has been clean for over 3 yrs now but his past behavior caught up with him. I can appreciate this having a significant impact on him; however, he's also gone for months without going thru an episode (w/o taking his meds I might add). Please, anyone, give me your opinion or suggestions. I can't give up on him
Any body there
David - Yup, keep educating people. I try to do the same in my own small way. But please remember - people with BP are generally more creative and productive because they are hypo ... which means their moods are not in balance! It might be great for an employer but it isn't healthy.
Dave,
I recently began receiving your emails. Wow, thank you. I was first diagnosed with bipolar as a teenager. When this happened I was scared, I didn't understand. To top it off no one had any answers. It felt like the "professionals" didn't know what they were talking about.
I was raised to believe "mind over matter". With this belief I sometimes take medication and go to counseling, but usually not. At this juncture I am not on medication or going to counseling. I believe my mind is stronger than that matter. I recognize whether I am in a "up" or "down" cycle. However, I "deal" with these. My issue right now is I am having physical problems ( three hyrneated dics in my cervical spine and two degenerative dics in my thoracic spine) which have pretty much rendered me bed-ridden. I am losing a job that I put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into. I feel myself plunging as I watch my life, unstable as it may be fall apart. I have gained a little "sanity" by reading your daily emails.
Anyway, the back to the question. Are people terrified of mental illness? Well, in my case I am terrified of my mental illness so why shouldn't everyone else be? My mother is terrified of what this illness is doing to me and in turn my family. My boyfriend is terrified of my erradic behavior. My daughter is scared because she doesn't understand why I'm "not like everyone else's mommy". So, I guess it is the norm to be terrified of mental illness unfortunately. Thank you for the oppurtunity to express my feelings and I am eternally grateful for your tremendous effort in investigating, explaining, and sharing bipolar disorder. If I had the funds I would purchase your courses.
hi
Marco,
My suggestion is to be a quiet supporter. Make your presence/support known without being pushy. I personally recognize when I am being unreasonable due to bipolar disorder but I cannot always control what I say and do. It makes me feel better just knowing someone is there. I don't know your girlfriend but I think she must surely love you if she feels safe enough to express her emotions around you. Good luck Marco. Please don't give up on her. I'm sure she needs you. Have a great day.
HI
David,
Just a quick comment. Before I had children (1 has Bi-Polar)I was a Counselor. I worked mostly in the addictions field, but I can say of most people with mental problems that they are intelligent and also much like a sponge in that they absorb the mood of the people and places they are around. I've felt that they learned to be sensitive as a means of survival in and protection from a personal world that is dangerous or perceived to be dangerous. They become expert at picking up body language implications, etc., but then they have trouble not over-reacting to these clues. It is likely that it is also an instinctive tendency or a God given ability to survive in a world where they are different because of their chemical make-up. O.K.--not a quick comment, but I could say more! Angela H
Marco,
Hi. I just started a new blog site at Bipolar disorder sufferers located in google blog posts, if you or anyone else is interested in a informal forum.
Katie :~)
I don't want to give up on her it is just that she tells me very hurtfull words and she ask me to leave her and she also tell that she does'nt want to be with me no more. I should leasen to her word in those moments I guees please advise me.
hi
Thanks Katie
Marco,
I know for me pushing people away is a defense mechanism. When I am in down swing I am feeling self destructive and worthless and I tend to do and say things to push the people I love away because I don't feel as is if I deserve to have anyone there or to care. I don't know what to tell you, Marco. I know she is important to you, otherwise you wouldn't be here. However, you may need to seek counseling for yourself as well, if only for self-preservation. Again, good luck, Marco.
~Katie
Dave, thank you for all the wonderful information you provide and staying up on all the current information. any news on the medical insurance for those of with bipolar disorder that can't find coverage?
phenix
My wife of 25 years was diagnosed with Bipolar over 20 years ago and has been stable for over 20 years now, BY TAKING HER MEDICATION REGULARILY. Now her doctor says that she has Hypomania on top of her Bipolar! What is this, how did she get it and how can I handle her when she is so cranky, irritable and gritchy and sarcastic? Is Hypomania a new thing or because she forgot her medcation one day? I am lost with this once!
Thank you for your letters, they are a huge help! It is about time that the SUPPORTERS of those who have Bipolar have support of their own! Support me now please! Keep up the good work!
Marco,
Katie is right. The pushing away can often be a kind of defence mechanism. You see, when one is on one of the emotional roller coasters that comes with BP (esp. Type 2's) any kind of emotional contact (and that can be just being with someone) is impossible to take when the BP person has all these other unrelenting, unbearable emotional pressures inside of them. Also, if the supporter doesn't know the right things to say to someone in such a state, THAT can add to the pressures the BP person is under. That person is likely to lash out in emotional language to drive away what extra distress is being piled up on what they are already feeling!!! (I speak from experience, from the BP side of the fence.) Does this make sense to you? (I'm sure it will to those reading this who are BP!)
Katie
I'm interested in seeing your blog. Link?
Oh, in case anyone was wondering, Mr Philosopher here was having a bad one today ... and VERY negative thoughts passed across his mind. Passed but past otherwise I'd not be writing now! All goes to show just how BP can sneak up on ya. I'm just hoping this isn't more of the same, but more extreme, that's been going on for a few weeks now. Mixed ones. Bearable up until now. I'll have to keep an eye out and the telephone numbers handy!
Barbs
Ummm.. you got me on this one! It's the first time I've ever heard of hypomania overlaying BP! I think there has been some mistake, unless there is an expert around who may say otherwise.
Hypomania is what Bipolar Type 2's get. It isn't on top of BP, it is "HALF" of the BP! The other half is the depression, hence the name Bi-polar, shifting moods between mania or hypomania at one pole and depression at the other pole.
Dear Katie I wish you could find the emotional streng to coop with what you
feel I just could give you a good though and a nice memory of your sweet
words.thanks
Is somebody there
Hi,Dave. Lynn here, living w/bipolar, MRE resolving depression which hit in Jan. Thank you for all the work you tirelessly do, day after day, for those living with and for those who love them. You ARE appreciated, if no one h as told you, today.
hi
hi
Dear Dave,
I guess you can say the "crazy" label was stamped on my forehead by my inlaws. My sister inlaw opened up her big mouth and told my brother inlaw (her ex husband) and his new girlfriend that I have bipolar. Well Terry made up this story of how her sister was just diagnosed with bipolar and what a complete nut she is. She went on and on about how crazy she is. I knew this was a made up story because my brother inlaw interrupted with come on it is just a chemical imbalance and when I looked over at my sister inlaw she would not look at me. Needless to say I was not happy at all. Then another time my mother inlaw, with whom we live with, asked me if i was going to come down in the middle of the night and try to kill her. I was floored. I told yes that all of us crazy people secretly sit up in the bedroom and plot our mother inlaws death. How did this stigma get stuck with bipolar? I just don't get it! Talk about living in a mad world......
Graham n,
My blog is on this website, the title of which is, Bipolar disorder sufferers. I look forward to hearing more of your insight. Have a great day.
~Katie
I wrote a couple comments on this blog and my family told me i might as well write to the universe on 'my page.' They are very unsensitive and say hurtful things then blame me because 'i haven't taken their advice and walked into a hospital to get help.' It costs me $1000 each time I am hospitalized. The family does not care how much it costs. They just want me to 'go away,' literally. I have plans tonight to accomodate their wishes, which i have shared with them. I think they are all happy, now. Thanks Dave, I think your info is good for those with BP. Good Luck to all. Kerrie.
Did anyone with access to British tv see "Poppy Shakespeare" Monday night on channel 4? This was a fictional story, but I think must have been written by someone with the experience of mental institutions. With the label of "mental illness" the young woman couldn't get a job, was threatened with losing her child and had a string of other difficulties. When admitted to the psych ward she was not suicidal or in any other way a danger to herself or anyone else. But eventually the abominable treatment in the place drove her "up the wall."
As I was very worried about my boyfriend that night, the film was very sad and upsetting to me. The story took place in London fairly recently and some of the hospital staff was unbelievable. That patronising woman psychiatrist / therapist / whatever she was talked down at the patients like they were all 5 years old! And when anyone got angry s/he had a syringe rammed into his/her rear end. I wouldn't have known how true to life the film was, if my boyfriend hadn't told me that this was exactly the sort of thing that goes on in the psych ward here in Ireland. Sad story, but a good film.
I think the stigma against mental illness comes from the old expression - "A few bad apples spoil the whole bunch." There is sooo much negative news about people with bipolar disorder (or schizophrenia or OCD), that your average, ordinary man on the street associates ANY mental illness with the murders/suicides caused by the illness.
I had one boss who was intelligent - he was a lawyer - who hired me on my MERITS. However, I got a discount on his taxes because I had a "disability." I told him it was related to "epilepsy," but was NOT honest with him about manic depression (which it was called then).
I had a terrible time learning spreadsheets. My brain just couldn't wrap itself around the "logic" of it. I even took them home to have my husband help me with them. Well, this boss called me in his office to say he was letting me go; and then he asked me again what my "disability" was. I told him the truth - manic depression. You could have heard a pin drop. He said - "I know some people with that, and they're crazy. I NEVER would have hired you if I'd known you had that disorder. You're fired." Although he hired me because my interview went so well, he thought I was the "greatest thing since sliced bread," and did an exceptional job as a receptionist and legal secretary - doing twice the work the other girl in the office did - all that was obliterated because I had a mental illness!!
So, you're right, Dave. We need to educate people that not ALL people with mental illness carry guns and knives and are rapists and kidnappers. We are just people who go about our lives every day, struggling like anyone else to just hang in there and do what we can, with the albatross of bipolar disorder hung neatly around our necks. I'm soooo glad you have a crew of assistants who are highly functioning bipolar survivors, and KNOW we can perform when called upon.
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. Please pray for me as I go through the maze of financial, physical and emotional turmoil that has become part of my life right now. Thanks.
I have always known that I was different, and honestly I like being that way. I like not being "normal". If that means I have to go through emotional anguish, so be it. I had a conversation with a co worker the other day, he said when he was younger he "experimented with certain chemicals" During that period of his life he felt more creative. Now that he is a responsible adult he feels unable to get back to that creative state. I said it was ironic that the chemicals I'm expected to take seem to inhibit my creativity. There has to be a happy medium.
I also like to add that I work in a hospital and I have told everyone at work, my family and friends about my BP. My Mom said "Well that explains a lot" (so true). I have had mixed reactions. I am lucky that my Husband wants to know as much as he can and is very receptive when I tell him an episode is comming.
There is legal recourse for being discriminated against. I would take action Suzannewa.
djames, I feel bad that you have decided to get divorced because your husband is not willing to cope right now. Feel free to tell me to take a hike but look at how long he has been by your side. What has he endured through your episodes. Perhaps if you tried to look at the way he feels and not be absorbed in only your struggles. Maybe he would be more willing to care for you if you tried to be sympathetic to his issues. Wow I guess I just hate to see people split up. If you still have a choice, keep your husband by your side by being on his side too.
I have recently started learning about bipolar disorder. My 33 yr. old daughter was diagnosed at 29. She is at the state hospital due to no insurance trying to get her meds straight. She also is a drug abuser. This is all so new to me and thanks to you I am starting to understand some.
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dear sara have you ever hurt your housban verbaly and if you did why BP people do it?
What would be the best thing to do when BP people became verbaly abuser?
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Hi Dave Firest of all thank you very much for your letters when you send me the letters i read all of them.Dave what do you men when you said "a sane person in a mad world or a mad person in a sane world?" Could you explain it,Please.
Hiya, All!
After a good night's sleep, I'm getting ready to drive off to do a 'refresher' Book-Keeping Course.
I hope that Graham N's NOT going into an 'Episode' because I love his e-mails and reckon that we could debate the night away if we met! Slow down and take things easy, like I did yesterday.
The programme "Poppy Shakespeare", broadcast last Monday night in the U.K., was meant to be a 'dark satire' but I felt very uncomfortable and irritated after watching it. I'm sure that others throughout the World can 'download' it on to their computers or mobiles and watch it.
However, on a brighter and more topical note, I watched "The Human Spider" on TV last night. The nearly fifty year old Frenchman,'Alain Roberts', used to be afraid of heights (like I am), but decided to face and conquer his fear by becoming an expert climber. (I felt sick just observing!) So far, he's climbed 85 of the World's tallest buildings and bridges WITHOUT any ropes, realising that he has only two options: either fall to his death or succeed in ascending to the top.
He has along-suffering wife and three children and is away from home for six months of every year, so in a sense, HE could be regarded as CRAZY, yet I respected and admired him.
(I once abseiled off the tallest part of Cardiff's University Hospital for the 'Spastic Society' and fainted at the bottom, but I might still attempt a parachute jump one day, if I get enough sponsors to make it worthwhile!)
Finally, I hope that when Heaven states that she's "going away" that she only means that she's moving away from her unsupportive family and NOT something more sinister. Stay strong and "Sod Them"!
I'm off to take a shower, then hit the traffic. Take care all,
Sue and all the animals. x
Hi Dave,
I think I am sane in a mad world, sometimes sane-mad in a mad world. To me my mind is sane, just sometimes very loud and unsafe.
Thanks Dave,
Karen
Sarah, It is unwise not to take your meds, even cut them down to get the creative highs. Why?
First, every pDoc will tell you, if you don't get the right meds, your condition will deteriorate. Type 2's can become Type 1s, and of course, there is plenty of space to move into between the two as you go up from Type 2 to Type 1!
Second, while hypomania may make people more creative, it does not make their ideas more practical. Rather, it can make them worse. For example, when I was in a hypo state at the bank where I used to work (BBPD _Before Bipolar Diagnosis - you can have that one, too, David, like my BP sleeping dragon!! Lol!) I would churn out ideas for the Staff Suggestion Scheme like sweet making machine - pop, pop, pop, pop - so fast, my BIG boss, the one on the company board wrote to me when I was off sick the first time something like, "I look forward to seeing you back in the seat anf firing on all six cylinders." Six, not four. Trouble was, most of trhe ideas were total cr#p! Completely unrealistic. You see, just as there is a graduated scale between Type 2 BP and Type 1 BP, there is a corresponding graduation of the symptoms, too. So, while my hypo periods were largely Type 2, the creative ideas that I had were a touch delusional. So, I thought they were great ideas and couldn't understand why my senior colleagues would think them impractical. Oh, there WAS some element of me seeing things ahead of time. For example, I was predicting a huge consumer movement towards green and ethical products, at least 5 years before any major UK company began even tickling the surface with such products and services. In that case, I was well ahead of the game. But in the majority of cases my brilliant ideas were not brilliant at all - I was just too delusional to see it. Fine, if all the creativity you seek is for, say, writing or painting. But for being creative in a more commercial environment, where practical ideas are needed? For get it. And then, if the capacity for you to be creative is in you, there are other ways to tap into them without putting your sanity at risk by not taking, or reducing your meds. Look out for the published writing of Deborah Fuchey, esp. her brilliant poetry - she is BP and used to use her hypo and manic periods as her stimulants for creative writing. Now she's stable she can't rely on the highs anymore. But the creativity isn't locked away - she's found new ways to tap into it.
Suzzanne,
You said "...not ALL people with mental illness carry guns and knives... "
You might have added, "but the allegedly sane members of the National Rifle Association do." !!! 8ŹD
marco113,
I can answer that question.
Yes, I have hurt people verbally. Why? For two reasons I can think of.
1. A hypomanic mood, or a mixed mood (depression and hypomania at the same time - it's nasty) pups you full of energy and a desire to do things. When anything gets in the way of your plan, even something as small as someone asking a question and wanting an answer, it is extremely irritating. Irritating because it's stopping you get on. Why, the slow pace and having not enough time in the d ay, irritates, too. So, when anyone DOES "get in the way", boy! They get it! Harsh words makes them back off and get OUT of the way. But it's not quite as calculating as that. That's what is happening but, for me, it's more an automated response.
2. When you have a hypo or mixed state (or even a depressive state) you often want to be left alone. But because you are obviously not feeling well, people don't eant to leave you alone! They may not trust what you'll do next or they may want to help, when you know they can't. You need that space but they won't give it to you. You have enough trouble handling your emotions without having to cope with someone else stirring the emotions up even more. So, you get nasty to make them go away. It's a survival thing in this case because you feel they are only making this worse for you.
At least, that is how it is for me. Anyone else feel differently?
PS
After yesterday's big downer, I'm too high today. So, no one had better get in my way!
marco,
You asked, "What would be the best thing to do when BP people became verbaly abuser?"
Easy. Just back off and leave them alone. Why?
1. They want to be left alone. Respect that and leave them alone!
2. You really don't want to piss off someone who is in that mood or you might get more than a mouthful of verbal abuse.
Sane in a mad world ...
I recall the difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that the neurotic thinks they are mad, but the psychotic thinks there is nothing wrong with them! It's one of the signs the pDocs actually look for!
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Dear graham n thanks for your insides it would help me a lot i deal with people every day and this would help me a lot I lke BP people I got the feeling that they are just trying to get out their emotions and their are not really trying to hurt you.
Is there any tendency for BP persons to have sexual disorders such as been bisexuals or luck of desire of sexual activity?
i have a little boy who is bipolar who has many melt down and just found put he will not be able to go to a regular school and now classified as behavior kid so putting him in a special day class with behavior kids so not really thinking thats the best butting fighting the school system is awful just because he is bipolar they think you are crazy too how insane is that?
Hello, Everybody! Long time, no see? (Joke!)
I've just come back from the Book - Keeping refresher course after "doing the trainer's head in" with really tough, constant questions that I made him answer. (I took FULL advantage that there was only ME on the course - the other guy cancelled.) Now I FINALLY know how to use 'e-bay', so that I can sell my partner, Martin's, junk!(He's a 'hoarder' and has loads of cars; vans, lorries and old engines choking up his land preventing him from working properly as a Mechanic.)
In response to Marco's question about sex, even WITH the various medications that I take, I have an extremely high sex drive and I'm lucky that bi-sexual Martin has a similar need. (Years ago, I was even MORE active!) Martin has 'Seasonal Affective Disorder', but refuses to see a Doctor, relying on Alcohol instead, so I'm VERY lucky that this doesn't affect his performance, if you get my meaning.
I'm getting 'high' again, so I'm going to take a sedative to get some sleep for a few hours.
Take care all,
Sue and all the animals. x
Marco
I am not aware of BPs being more likely to have a sexual preference but stuff like the libido varies. When they are manic or hypomanic it is not uncommon for their to be an increased appetite. Indeed, in some of the more extreme cases something akin to nymphomania occurs! I know of people who have left family - including children - when they are on a manic sexual bender, only to be distraught later when they realise what they have done to their families, when they come out of the manic phase. Meds can also have an effect. Some of them suppress the libido, while there is some evidence a a few of them give it a slight boost.
Hi David and all:
Yes, there is still a very sad prejudice going on where mental illness is concerned (and a lot of other illnesses too) but it is not nearly as bad as it has been in the past, I am very happy to say. And hopefully, with education, the prejudice will continue to decrease and understanding will prevail. There was a time where mental illness was regarded as just plain being nuts and being locked in a mental institution with shock therapy and lots of Thorazine to keep the poor person so sedated they didn't recognize their names. I used to work in a nursing facility that took patients from the state mental institution when they became old enough for Social Security and Medicare to pay the tab. These people were so sedated they could barely eat without help, that is an example of what it was like say 30 years or so ago in Michigan, can't speak for other states because this is where I worked in such conditions. I believe that the general public, as a whole, is becoming more open to other treatments and diagnoses, rather than a tag of insanity and permanent residence in a mental institution. However, as I look back over my life and the events that have transpired over the years there are several people who did not receive mental help and the world would have been better off if they had been tagged as insane and locked away. But they are the few, not the majority. I believe that most people will recognize the ones I am talking about if they paid any attention to history at all, or like myself, lived while some of these events were happening.
Dave,
My 21 year old daughter is Bi-polar and she is being singled out by CPS because she was so concerned about her newborn that she took him to the doctor and he was put in the hospital twice. He fell below his birth weight twice. He is now fine and weighs 11 pounds at 3 1/2 months. CPS in there ultimate wisdom decided that my daughter was neglecting her son. My daughter lives with her boyfriend, his wife, their 9mos old, her 3 mos old, her boyfriend's father-in-law, and his girlfriend. Out of all those people they chose my daughter to crucify because she admitted that she was Bi-Polar because she wanted to make sure that her meds did not adversely affect him. To my knowledge all of the adults in the house are also Bi-Polar. They did not consider the fact that her boyfriend is an ex-heroine addict, controlling, jerk. Now my daughter has to juggle two infants and parenting classes 3 times a week. Since she met her boyfriend a little over a year ago, they were robbed at gunpoint, evicted twice, and had her car repossessed.
Thanks again for a great post. As a mother of two childen of ADD, I know that people who are somewhat 'crazy' are the most creative, smartest people I have been around. Even the children in my class who are beginning to exhibit some of those 'tendancies' towards some type of mental illness are the most creative. I think that adversity makes for a smarter, more creative, person. Keep up the great work.
David,
I have been thinking about you and a need for a vacation. Really, remember to take care of yourself, and perhaps take a little bit of time off. I know you were frustrated with this some time ago. Thanks to all the help you give and yes your bipolar lessons reach into other parts of our lives, lessons we can use in other parts of our lives. Again, please take care of yourself.
Ann
babyjune,
Is there a history of BP in your family? I understand BP in children can be difficult to diagnose, and may be mistaken for a number of other disorders, just as they can be mistaken for early on set of BP. Given the known genetic link with BP, I presume there us a history of BP in your or your partners family. If there isn't, show a warning flag. Get a second opinion ... just in case.
As for the special class ... it's a difficult balance that a school has to strike, as I know working in one not just as a volunteer Teaching Assistant but as a School Governor in the UK. Every child has a right to education. That means every one of them. Of course, it is better for a child with behavioural issue that he or she learns in a main stream class. However, if they won't, or can't conform to the school's behavior policy (in the UK every school has to have one - it's the Law) then something has to be done to protect the legal rights of the other children in the class whose learning is disrupted and even jepodised by the behaviour of one child with behavioural problems. To illustrate, while the class teacher is attending to any problem with that child, they are not giving their attention to the rest of the class. That is an infringement of their human rights as it is also strictly speaking against the Law! So, what is the school to do? A common "solution" is to allocate one Teaching Assistant to that child, so there is 1-2-1 attention. But then, THAT means the skills of the TA are lost to other children whose behavour is good and who demonstratively want to learn .. but need differentiated support for their right to education. E.g. a child with dyslexia. Plus, in the UK funding is short anyway and there is precious little to hire TAs to help the well behaved children! So, in order to safeguard the right of all children to have equal opportunity for an education, it is sometimes necessary to remove a child into a specialist unit, where specially trained staff can try to educate them, leaving the rest of the children with the full attention of their class teacher.
This is an issue that narks me. I have a boy with severe Dyslexia. He needs 1-2-1 tuition, but I can't afford to pay for it, and the State School (where I am a Governor!) can't afford it, either! But the educational authority that funds the school DIRECTLY funds two TAs to act as "minders" for two children with behavioral problems. One of them I know has had a pitiful start in Life and learnt few, if any, social skills because he was raised up to an age of about 5 years by a seriously ill drug addict Mum and her equally bad partner (not the father.) The child knows little of how to share anything, least of all food, or any normal social skills but he can tell you in great detail how to inject Heroin, how to prepare Crack, roll a reefer, the names of various pills ... etc. He's a very bright child and, when he's not behaving badly, he's a real charmer and very entertaining. BUT he is taking up the full time of one of the most experienced TAs in the school! She has no time to teach anyone else, not even him, because she's too busy literally reining in child. Yes, his hands are "shackled" with flexible ribbon, like a dog lead, and with what is like a dog lead that ix fixed to the shackles while the other end of it is held by the TA. I'd much rather the child were in a special unit and have that TA looking after my and other children who are Dyslexic but are being neglected because the resource is being taken up with a kid who learns very little because he's not paying attention, he's trying to run away or he's trying to thump some other child!
Hi guys is any body there
Any chance I get where I feel comfortable enough, I tell people that I am bipolar. It can be someone I've just met, or someone I've known for a long time. I'm sure you are all aware of the reasons, but I am on an mission to give a different face to what most people call "crazy".
Well, to those of us who were born with chemical imbalances in our brains that have biological markers in genetic codes, as well as epigenetic codes, it is hard to get empathy for the unseen, the hidden.
Most people are frightened of anything they can't see. So, instead, I use my face, my personality, and using my intuition with respect to whom I divulge my 'secrect' to and who not to, I get positive responses: my best friend was bipolar, my friend is bipolar, I think my neighbor is bipolar. Etc. Etc.
I have stopped being afraid of the stigma. Giving power to the stigma gives power to the fear in the general population. So to hell with the stigma; ignore it.
BP is a biological, hereditary disease with environmental and social triggers that happen to affect the brain, an organ that, at this point in time, we can't really see how the disorder begins or progresses as it happens in real time.
But it is real, it is all in your head, and it is a real medical condition on parity with other chronic serious disease, like diabetes, heart disease, or cancer.
For all of those out there with BP: a big hug. We are misunderstood and special people. Without us the world would be a much different place: Read Dr. Kay Jamison's books. They will give you perspective and put you in grand company.
Marco, I have and do push people away. I Would like to let you know that this isn't really a chat room, that may be why you are not getting immediate responses. Sometimes I check the posts more often if I am interested or "in the mood". So you may have more luck on a BP chat room type of place if you want immediate answers.
Graham N expressed it perfectly when he shared his reasons why he may lash out.
Graham N, I truly wish I could find the "right" Meds, I had a severe reaction to Lamictal which seems to be the best thing out there. I am taking Prozac and xanax for now until the Prozac stops working. I rebel against the Xanax because I don't like being dependant on anything. I refused to take it for a few days and yesterday I had a nice shopping trip then stayed up till 5:30am. My husband just called, he is stuck in Texas and has decided to go to Chicago on his sisters stand by passes to go to my Brother-in-laws going away party. (Poor guy is being shipped off to Hawaii) Yes I'm toatally melting down right now, I know I'm manic and it may just take 4mg of xanax to calm me down. Don't worry I'll be ok. While I'm at it let me just tell you that my husband is half Samoan, here I am stereo typing but lets just say he takes quite a bit from me and then he doesn't anymore. When I am in that terrible hateful place I want him to lash out at me, then I hate myself for pushing my gentle giant to his breaking point.
Also Graham N, I was one of the students that rarely misbehaved and put in just enough effort not to be noticed for positive or negative efforts. I have a slightly higher than average IQ but I feel as though I came away with nothing (partly my own fault but I blame BP too) I wrote I hate myself over and over on 2 sheets of paper and left it on my mom's bed when I was 7. She was furious, but nothing came of it. My point I have been living with this for so long, I have come up with some coping mechanisms. Sorry you all had to be the brunt of one of them.
GRAHAM N, Thanks. What you explained to Marco about being pushed away, verbally abused and then ignored is helpful to me too.
I think my boyfriend is possibly going through a mixed episode, or it maybe rapid cycling (though he hasn't done that before).
After he had me worried sick for 3 days, we spent some good time together Tuesday and Wednesday. He seemed to be improving a lot, though not quite right yet, coming up with some strange religious stuff, etc. He also seems over-sensitive at the moment. I let him vent about a lot of people and other things that are making him angry. He seems very vulnerable and very very insecure. I didn't want to ask him if he is taking his meds, as didn't want to intrude (and possibly be told off for interfering). I think he is taking them, but maybe drinking as well which doesn't help.
I am going through a lot of confusion myself right now, with the onset of the menopause. We had spent Wednesday night together and everything seemed to be looking up again. Then I woke up with a period, which really shocked me. I hadn't had one for 3 months and had thought I had finally finished with the dreaded things. Later it became quite heavy and painful and all that energy I had over the last few months went completely out the window. I am very drained and tired.
Last night after I finished work, I went to his home and found his alcoholic friend there with an assortment of booze. I had a glass of wine, he had a can of beer and she had everything else over the next couple of hours. At first, we all had a chat and a laugh. When she started drinking herself stupid I thought it was time for me to go. He walked half way up with me. We saw his madly jealous and manipulative ex-girlfriend come out of a late night shop. I had some stuff to sort out at home and then tried to have an early night, about 2am. I managed to get to sleep about 4am and couldn't get comfortable.
About 4.30am I get a text from him telling me he loved me. So I replied with the same. We text for about 15 minutes, then I dozed off again. About an hour later he woke me up with another text, telling me the drunk was still there, and he had had a lot of crazy texts from his ex after she had seen us. Then he phoned me and asked if I could persuade the drunk to go home, as she was well out of control by then. He told me again that he loved me and I was the only one who never gave him trouble.
6am after i tried to get to sleep, he texts me again, saying that she had gone at last. Then he asks me if he could come over and sleep with me. I was so tired and full of aches and pains and really just wanted to be left alone to get a couple of hours sleep. I knew he probably just wanted to talk and vent and I was too tired. So I told him I wanted to sleep and he can come over later tonight. It was to be now or never! He sent me a couple of really hurtful texts accusing me of being selfish and didn't love him, etc. He doesn't want to see me again, as he has a life to live and didn't need me. His phone has been switched off since then and I haven't seen him.
I know he will come out of this eventually, hopefully soon. I'm not so worried now that he might harm himself. He did say "I have a life to live..." I am still very upset though. I feel bad about it now. Maybe I should have let him come over. Or maybe he would have said horrible things to my face then, if he had got the wrong end of the stick when I asked him to let me sleep. It's all very sad. He allowed the drunk to be his friend again several times after he didn't want to know her. So I'm sure he won't throw away what we had. I do love him and I know he loves me. At the moment he is not in control of his bipolar, but is letting it control him and I don't know what more I can do to help.
It was the drunk and the ex-girlfriend who stressed him out and gave him grief and he let it all out on me. Also, he may have had more to drink again than he should have. In that case he may have forgotten what he said again like last time and has spent all of today asleep. Hopefully I will see him walking his dog somewhere in the next couple of days and will get through to him. Do you think this is a mixed episode?
Sorry, this is so long. I am an aspiring novelist and find it difficult to keep writing short. Needed to get it off my chest - thanks for reading.
To nightlady your style is really nice you really leave your emotions very intensaly i bealive this is one caracteristic of BP and this is what find more facinating most people could feel their emotions but can't controld them
To graham n I was thinking abouth what you told me when BP people push away love ones what would be the right thins to say in general when my girlfriend is having all those emotional presures do you have any I deas
marco113, just give her space. If she is healthy enough she will apologize. If not don't let yourself get walked all over. When she is doing better find out how she is managing her BP, and see what you can do to help. you may even want to direct her to this website. good luck with everything.
thank sara it is like if i dicover all the suden a complitly new world of understanding
I would like to shere the most comon reaccion from people to BP people regection and comdemnation I didn't wat to do that with my girlfriend and this open my mind to a whole new world of understanding of people who are diferent
marco,
I think you have somethere there but it's not just people with BP. Seems to me that a lot of people with any kind of mental illness (but not least those with BP) need a way to express how they feel in words, which is difficult because how do you do that for something that is not physical? Try expressing how it feels to have a headache. Not easy, is it. It ios for this reason, I suspect, that people with mental illness become good at any expressive arts, including writing, because we have to practice, to apply extra effort in being creative, to find a way that may convey some of what we feel for which ther ARE NO WORDS.