Supporting Someone With Bipolar And Getting Manipulated Like This?

Hi,

How are you? What's new. Today I wanted to
share another technique that I use when supporting
my mom with bipolar disorder.

First let me make a comment that my mom knows
that I write all these emails and she agreed
to let me do it. She knows that the only
way for people to find out about bipolar
disorder and how to support someone is for
someone like me to write about it.

My dad knows as well. He is not clear
on how people like yourself find people
like me and how emails really work but
he thinks it's a great idea. I have
gotten a few people writing me and saying
that I should say bad things about my mom
and her bipolar disorder.

My comment to this is, if everyone keeps
pretending that bipolar disorder is not
a serious illness and if every site
simply talks about the same old things
and doesn't talk about the real realities
of the illness, more and more destruction
with happen with families because of bipolar
disorder.

Okay on with the question. There's a way
that people who have bipolar disorder AND
are in episodes and not engaged in the
right treatment, do.

Let me give you a case study that happen
to me my mom's last mini episode.

Mom: I need money to pay my taxes

Dave: No response.

Mom: I need money to pay my taxes (crying
starts)

Dave: No response.

Mom: Do you know that taxes are due and I
don't have enough money (crying stops, new
strategy of trying to be "business like"
starts).

Dave: I look puzzled like she is speaking
another language.

NOTE-I have paid my mom's taxes for like
6 or 7 years in a row and told my mom
she had to pay her own taxes. I told her at
the end of LAST year. She had more than 365
days of notice. And it's not like she making
25 million a year and has tons of taxes to
pay. We are talking $300+.

Mom: Fine! I can't believe you are going
to let me not pay my taxes. I am going to
go to jail. You don't even care. I will
pay them myself since you didn?t. You said
you would. I am going to get a job and work
all day and night to make enough money.

That won't help me stay stable. I hope
I don't get sick again.

Dave: Okay. And I walk away.

My mom follows me.

Mom: You don't even care if I get
sick, or if I go and work myself into
being sick. You are a terrible son.
You are mean. If I get sick, it's
your fault.

Dave: Silence

Yelling starts. Then I feel it's time to
use the "Call Her Bluff Technique"

Dave: Well, if you go and do something
stupid with a job and get off your disability,
lose your part time job, go into a big
episodes, create all kinds of drama, etc.
etc. etc. then I will let my system catch
it OR I will call 911 and you will be put
in the hospital. I will make sure that
YOU not dad is charged for the ambulance
visit and you have to pay for the hospital
in small payments forever. So go ahead
and do it. Make yourself sick. It doesn't
matter to me one way or another.

Mom: She is all mad at me and then storms
away.

LATE THAT DAY

My dad calls and tells me my mom worked out
a payment plan with the IRS and how she
was on the phone talking to them laughing
like they were best friends. She will
be paid off in like 2 months according
to my dad.

She did none of the threats she promised.

My dad then informs me how anytime my mom
made threats using her bipolar disorder
he would do whatever it took to avoid the
threat. He is amazed how I am unfazed by
these threats.

If you are supporting someone with bipolar
disorder, I am sure that you have heard this
type of thing. If you reread what I wrote,
notice all the manipulation. Back in the
day, I would freak out and it would work on
me.

How do you think I lost over $250,000 with
my mom and why do you think I paid her taxes
6 or 7 years in a row. I always did because
she would cry and say something really bad
would happen if I didn't pay her taxes and
I would get worried and pay them.

In addition to all the other things I was
doing for so many years. These days, I am
unfazed by this type of manipulation.

I almost always call my mom's bluff.

OH, if you are out of the country, calling
one's bluff means let me think how I explain
it.

A bluff is something that's not true. To call
it means to see if the person will do what he/she
says they will do. In the case with my mom,
I knew she wasn't going to go get a job,
ruin her disability or drive her self back into
the hospital by working 24 hours a day. So
I challenged her to do it.

Today I will get lots of hate mail for sure.
I will get things say I am mean and mean
to people with bipolar disorder. They will
yell at me. Here's the deal if you have bipolar
disorder. First, I have 8 or 9 people with
bipolar disorder who work for me. AND, I am
hiring more. So I do NOT hate people with
bipolar disorder.

Everyone who works for me, knows what I write.
They know it's the truth and they know people
who have the disorder who are in episodes and
not engaged in the right treatment with a good
doctor/therapist do the things I write about.

If you are "so angry I can't even see straight",
you probably aren't engaged in the right treatment
and that's why you are mad at me. The thousands
on this list that are following the right
treatment write me notes of encouragement.

Okay enough with that.

DISCLAIMER

I am not a doctor, therapist, lawyer,
accountant or anything else. These techniques
work for me. You should use them at your discretion.
Check with your doctor, therapist, family doctor,
lawyer, etc. before trying them.

WARNING!
Take ALL suicide statements seriously. If a loved
one mention suicide call the doctor, 911, police,
etc or who or whatever you call in your country.
YOU MUST TAKE ALL SUICIDE THREATS 100% SERIOUSLY

Let me say that again.

YOU MUST TAKE ALL SUICIDE THREATS SERIOUSLY AND
CALL A DOCTOR/Hospital/911 Or emergency services.

ALL THE TIME! No exceptions. Take all these
threats even the small mention seriously. Some
say up to 20% of people with bipolar disorder
attempt suicide. I think everyone who works
for me with bipolar disorder has attempted suicide
over the years at least once. Take this seriously!

Actually, here's an assignment for you. Find out
who and what you call for the threat of suicide
and bipolar disorder today. Go do that and then
make yourself a plan.

This is one of the things that I teach in my
systems/courses you can check out:


SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11

SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com/

HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net/


Well I have to run, I hope you enjoyed the lesson.
I have a million things I have to do so I have to
take off for the day.


Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can't learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/