Supporting Someone With Bipolar Disorder? Don't fall for this

Hi,

How's it going? Yesterday I got a call from a VERY
intelligent lady who wanted to talk to me
about my course. She was wondering if it's
new information or simply a rehash of books
that are in the store. I told her that I never
really learned anything on bipolar disorder
from the books in the store except one.

Anyway, we were talking about a number of things
related to supporting someone with bipolar disorder,
and something came to mind.

Our conversation led me to think about something
I have never touched in my daily emails.

I like to call it Bipolar Bait. You may
be thinking, "Did Dave just say Bait or
is that one of his famous typos in his daily
emails??"

Yes I said bait. Bipolar bait. If you are
new to my list, you may be thinking:

I am crazy
I have bipolar disorder
I am strange
Maybe this list isn't for me
What's wrong with this guy
Etc.

Okay, this is serious stuff. If you are new to
the list, I promise this is good information :).

Here's the deal. Let me describe how I discovered
what bipolar bait is. Actually I made up the name
one day when I was waiting for my mom to come
out of the doctor's office because I was bored
and didn't have anything to do.

You see, I have found that when a person is
in an episode with bipolar disorder, they
say things that cause YOU the supporter to
react, get mad, argue, get emotionally worked
up, etc. I call this bipolar bait.

When my mom was in her big episode, my dad
called me in to "help." So when I arrived,
my mom was screaming and yelling and all
over the place. Over the coming months, I
discovered that my mom would say stuff to
me that would cause me to engage her, get
mad, get angry, cause me to argue and waste
a ton of my time.

Normally I am a super fast learner but in this
case, I took the bipolar bait, day after day,
week after week, month after month for a long
time. I am sure that it subtracted years off
my life.

My mom would say something like:

"You're a terrible son, I can't believe
you are doing this to me."

I would explain how I wasn't, I didn't mean
to do whatever I supposedly did, why I was
sorry on and on.

"You just want to put me in the hospital forever...
you don't love me."

I would explain this wasn't true for hours and
hours.

I did this for so many days that as I write this,
my head hurts from thinking about it.

It took so long to figure out this was bait.
I got the idea from fishing. In fishing you
use bait to get the fish. Bait can be a
wide variety of things but sometimes it's
a worm.

NOTE-I have to explain what fishing is, some
people might not know, don't make fun of them either
we have a diverse group with 90,000 people on this
list.

Okay, so you use the worm which is bait. Fish
like worms and when you put the worm, which is on
a hook in the water some fish bite on it and then
they get hooked and eventually become dinner
for someone or lunch or maybe breakfast.

When smart fish see fishing bait they
say:

"Hey, I am in the middle of
a lake and there's a worm. Hmmm. That doesn't
make any sense to me. Too good to be true,
I better stay away. My buddy ate one of those
floating worms the other day and I haven't
seen him since then. This is bad and I should
stay far away. I wonder what happen to my
buddy?"

Now with bipolar bait, I find it's one of the
most destructive things ever. And it's not
just my mom. Bipolar disorder is a mood
disorder. It affects people's moods. For reasons
that seem to be unknown to science, people
with bipolar disorder, sometimes try to
draw you into conflict, arguments, emotional
stuff, co-dependency, etc.

You have to watch you and avoid this like the
plague. Don't be like me and do this for about
a year and almost have a stroke at a young
age.

I am serious, when you get "hooked" into these
conversations, it's a huge waste of time.

HUGE!

Just me sending this email and reminding you
of the bipolar bait will be helpful. Think of
the fish. The dumb one and the smart one
and you will laugh the next time your loved
one with bipolar disorder throws out some
bipolar bait.

You'll think, "Hey I am the smart fish,
I am not going to take a worm in the middle
of the lake." Which really means you will
not engage in things your loved one says
that "hook" you into conflict or can
be turned around against you.

That's another part of the bipolar disorder
bait. My mom would say stuff to me.

I want to use my c.redit cards, because
I need my medication. Give them to me.

ME: Mom, that's not a good idea, you have
way too much d.ebt, on your c.redit cards,
why not pay in cash.

HER: Are you saying you don't want me to
get my medication.

OLD ME: No! What I am say, is blah blah blah
(2 hours go by).

NEW ME: I would not respond and would walk
away.

In the old days, when I said something, it
was twisted and then turned around on me. OR
my mom would get me to say things that, if
taken out of context would sound really mean.

EXAMPLE:

Her: I don't have money to pay my taxes. What
am I going to do (crying starts).

Me: Mom it's $345 in taxes you have the money. Or
make a payment plan or something. I am tired of
paying your taxes.

Her: You don't care? I need that money for
medication. You won't pay it for me, what
kind of son are you.

Then my mom would repeat this over and over and
over. For like 1 hour.

Me: I am NOT paying your taxes. Period. Forget
it. Pay your own taxes. You knew that you had
to pay them. It's your responsibility.

Her: I am going to go to jail if I don't pay
my taxes.

Me: I don't care but I am not paying them.

HER: I can't believe you want me in jail.
(Crying starts again)

Normally at this point, my head would feel like
it was going to explode.

THIS IS A TRUE CONVERSATION

Notice the manipulation. Notice the bipolar
bait. Notice how my mom got me to say
I don't care. Which then she would take that
statement out of context and tell EVERYONE
on the planet.

Her: David said he wants me in jail.

As I write this, I am laughing. It's not funny
but it is. I have to laugh sometimes or I will
have a stroke.

Anyway, I hope you get the point about bipolar
bait. As a supporter, as you move forward try
to catch yourself. Think of the dumb fish and
don't be one.

I know I am going to get hate mail from people
with bipolar disorder for sure. They are going
to write me:
I hate you. I am not like that.
You are a liar. You're going to hell. You write lies
I can't believe you are writing stuff like this
about me.

You have no idea how I stick my neck out writing
this stuff. With 90,000 people on my list, I get
flooded with complaints from people with bipolar
disorder who are ill. They get all mad at me.

Then in a week, they write back and say I am
a cool guy. I know the deal. I know it's a
mood disorder. But most importantly, I know
that all the supporters out their need
to hear this information.

There are so many skills to learn with bipolar
disorder, whether you are supporting a loved
one or have it yourself.

If you need help:


SUPPORTING AN ADULT?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.survivebipolar.net


I have to run. Have a great day.




Your Friend,

Dave

P.S. Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails
that I have sent in the past and lots of great
information for you:
http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/

P.P.S Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give
mini seminars designed to teach you information
you can't learn anywhere else.
http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com/