Concerned Mother trying to help

Today I am writing because I am truly scared that my son is getting worse. I have started in home therepy and the therapist that comes to visit is very nice and has a good rappor with my son. The thing is he knows how to manipulate the session, mask his feelings and really not express his true unhappieness. The only way I found this out was by a woman my son had been talking to online through a game he plays. The startling thing was he has developed a crush on her. He knows she is older than me, and has never seen her, but have talked to her. She too has bipolar disorder.

I appreciate the fact that my son felt he could come to me to let me know that he was calling this lady, but it so scared me as there are so many crimes against teens/children on the internet. When my son first told he sad mom I have to tell you something. I was thinking that he stole money from me again or that he broke something of mine, but worse he said Mom I met this lady on ruin scape and she is so nice and I really like her, we talk all the time and I want to know if you are ok with this.

In my mind I was thinking "NO I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS" but had I came forward as blunt and angry he would have shut down and would have discontinue confiding in me. I told him the dangers of strangers of the internet and that just because he knows her name, how many children and grandchildren she has does consistute love. My son for the past month has been sucluding himself to the apartment and doesnt want to do any of the things he at one time found enjoyable. I know that this is a huge neon red flag. I know he feels that no one understands him and feels like and outcast, but it jsut isnt true. He really has a lot of friends that care about him and miss hanging out with him. I told my son that I was concerned he was in a depression cycle and I am willing to do what it take to help him through it but he said dont, I am fine.

I know he isnt fine because I had to find out from the lady he talks to. My son dialed her number and gave me the phone, I had to really constrain myself as since I didnt know the situation I didnt fly off the handle but approached the suject objectivly and listened as I wanted to know her intentions.

She told me the only reason she gave him her phone number was because he had threatened to kill himelf and she said she was afraid for him ( I was at work while this occured) She said what started it was he had asked her to be his online girlfriend and she said no thank you, I am too old for you and that is when he said then I should just kill my self then. If this is really true then I am grateful to her for talking him out of it. She also told me that she feels my son has a crush on her and that she doesnt want to hurt his feelings but would prefer him not to call her and devulge such intimate information about himself. She siad that my son feels like an outcast at school and that everyone makes fun of him, he said that his cousins when they are together ( which is twice a year for a total of 3 hours) make fun of him as well.

She said that he has been feeling depressed for awhile but doesnt want me to know as he doesnt want to go back to the hospital or to another theraputic group home. I told her that I apprecaite her letting me know and she said, I too have bipolar and I know what the ups and downs feel like, but you son really needs someone right now. So she gave me her number and I gave her my work number because if he does tell her he is in crisis then I can get him to the hosiptal and not come home and find tradgidy.

The hard part is going to be trying to find away for my son to leave her alone , as nice as she sounds on the phone, I still know nothing about her and have no Idea if her efforts are genuine or not. I know if I forbid my son contact with her he will just sneak and find away, if take the computer away he will just find a friends house or the librabry to go to and will call or communicate with his lady.

This isnt the first time he has developed an online crush, the first time was hard because I did forbid, took connection away and he snuck around until the person blocked his number so he could call them any more. I know my son tells me for the most part what he is feeling, but from what I am hearing he is truly in need of extra support and I tell him daily how much I love him and what he means to me. Last night when I was telling him he could only be on the phone for half an hour he got angry and was yelling at me. I remaind calm and told him that was the limit, my boyfriend tried to help the situation by explaining to him he had rules to follow. But that only made my son get upset and cry and he said why cant I just have what makes me happy, and I said because this lady just wants to be friends, and besides she is too old for you, you will find someone close to your age that will have the same understanding, you just have to be patient.

I told him I miss him and I going to breakfast on the weekends and he started to cry and said I do to, but you need to leave me alone, I told him I wasnt going to go to bed until I knew he was safe. So at about 2:30 in the morning I fell asleep, my son called this lady and my boyfriend stayed up and monitored the call until he got off which wasnt until 4:30 this morning.

I really dont have any answers right now other than I am going to sit my son down and have another heart to heart, but in the meantime I am going to contact his therapist, his old therapist and my friend who too is a therapist too see if we can brain storm how to help us out of this before it becomes a crisis.

Everyday I wish there was something more I could do take away all of his pain, heartache and fustration away, If I could take away his bipolar disorder and give it myself I would then that way could be happy. I try to share my strength with him when he is weak but he pushes it away. If my son could only see how much he means to me and how much I want him to be safe and have a happy and healty productive live, I think or should I say hope that he would at least try to make better choice.

Dont know what the rest of the day brings, but I am going to try and remain positive and hope for the best and be strict yet suportive while remaining calm. ( that is my goal anyway)

Take Care
Stacey A.

www.bipolarcentral.com