Setbacks but keep moving forward

I know it has been a while since my last post. Sometimes it can get very hectic for me. A few weeks ago my son was discharged from the treatment center. My son was glad and I was hoping to see him be thankful for coming home. Though he is, he has been a handful. But the skills he has learned has been helpful.

One of the skills they taught him was to process his anger, fustration, sadness, by talking through his issue, using feeling words vs swear words ( which truly appreciate). Now when my son is fustrated or angry he tells me " I hate today?" and I will ask him why is today the day to hate? What happened to you to make you feel so mad. ( see you want to keep them talking, you need to be calm and listen but ask questions) He told me that his favorite shirt was dirty and nothing fits and doesn't have anything to wear to school ( which I thought this was only a girl issue appartently not)

So instead of me yelling telling him to find something and I don't care what it is get dresses. I said. " Okay I see how this can set your day off with wanting a particular shirt, and I know you feel like nothing fits but lets see if we can at least find something to have an okay day.

Now he responed "No nothing is going to work, I wanted to wear that shirt! so I said okay so what I am hearing is that anything I bring to you isn't going to be what you want so therefore you are choosing to have a rotten day correct? ( this works for me because I remain calm , I don't show him with gestures for facial expression that I am irritated because then he knows he has pushed a button so this technique throws them off)

Bascially what I am trying to say here is when you process their emotions and validated their feelings you are more likely to get a better response and to not have the situation escalate to a raging fit. will this work every time?? NO . But you keep at it and you will get better at handling the situation. Plus you really need to listen to their feelings. When my tells me that going to school makes him feel out of place and that no one understands him. I validate his feelings, by saying, " I must be tough to feel out of place, why do you think you are misunderstood?
this example is processing the situation, validated feeling and reinterating a question to show that you truly care how they feel. You may be surprised how this works.

I know parents love their children, but sometimes we get too busy or stressed out to really hear your kids especially when they suffer bipolar disorder. They really need to know you accept their feeling regardless if you understand exactly why they feel sad, hurt, angered. Just remember their disorder is like mother nature, certain things you can control and others are out of your control and sometimes due to environmental issues it could have been prevented.

I am soo pressed for time but I wanted to share this technique with you as this has worked out great. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of challenges to help my son out with and that is one getting motivated to go to school, day treatment, not stealing from me ( put away your debit cards, or a place where they cant meorize the number because it can be a disaster)

Anyway as I have more time I will continue to go over TCI techniques and tell you how to incorporate that with love & logic. Plus effective IEP's (been doing those for 5 years now)

Anyway keep strong!!! Any questions I will respond to them!!!!

Stacey A.

http://www.bipolarcentral.com/articles/Journaling.asp