The up and Down Journey

It has been awhile, but I have been very busy. There have been days were I felt like chicken little and my sky was falling. But since I have a few minutes I thought I would write. My sonhas been doing really well in his therapeutic group home environment, he has had a few set backs which was really hard to see, not because he was finally showing the behaviors he had at home there, but because I knew was also afraid of never coming back home after he had his episode.

The staff was great at explaining to my son that we would most definitely be coming home, he just had to work on the life skills and coping skills and however long that takes is how long he will be there. So after he punched the wall the first time, he had consquences of early bed time and no game time, which made him very angry, but they let him call me and my son thought I was going to get him out of his consquence and when I wasn't feeding into his issue he hung the phone up on me, which hurt my feelings as it does any parent, but I called right back, talked to the staff on his unit and explained my side and heard part of my sons side and wanted to hear the specifics of what actually occurred. They explained that my son was standing in the door way and was told several times to remove himself from the doorway as it blocks others to move about, when he was told for the last time that is when he was given his early bed, and was told he couldn't go to McDonald's with his group but they could bring something back, that is when my son lost it, punched the wall and was crying because he knew he shouldn't have then called me, I wasn't feeling sorry foir him and that is when he became more angry and hung the phone up on me.

He at first blamed his behavior on the new med they have given him and since it is very unlikely to have that type of reaction in two hours of taking the med for the first time, that was ruled out and he had to take responsibility for his action. The staff took into account that he had lost his pet rabbit and then just last week his bird which was a very hard decision, the bird had a tumor ( cocketiel) and I was told that survial was 24 to 72 hours and the bird would have to be placed in oxygen until her passing and thought we all loved the bird I didn't have the extra $75.00 to keep the tumor bird alive and had to have her put ot sleep, so I had to explain to my son that again another one of his pets has passed and gain the day before he had a pass home.

Trying to make light of the situation I did explain to my son as he gets older things like this is going to happen, you can't prepare for them. You just have to work through them, express your feelings and then let go, always carry the memory in your heart, but don't dwell on what you cant change, that seemed to help a little bit.

He did have another punching of the wall episode, because again he was given an early bed time for not doing his chores. But this time instead of blaming the meds he said he gets so angry and that his anger overwhelms he doesn't know how to release, what a break throught now the staff can help him control his anger as he is not denying it anymore.

This weekend on his pass I got him a stress ball that he can squeeze, a bouncy ball that he can through out side when mad, and an old phone book so he can tear the pages when he is super angry. I am proud that on his check list he is averaging between an 87% to 92%, which is exciting to me because when he does come home on a regular basis other than the weekends it would be nice to see those skills and behaviors in use. so far with all the deaths, the weddings and birthdays, plus working and the holidays coming up I have no idea what is in store, but I will try to write more. I have been asked to be a parental mentor for the new parents that admit their children into the therapeutic group home environment, so I have been working on a plan that will be helpful to parents making the transition of getting their child help. So I promise I will try to be more helpful to everyone!!!!!

Good luck and keep strong!!!


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Anyone can have a bad day

Since my son has been in a treatment program for his bipolar disorder, he has made great porgess, since the loss of one of our family pets, he has had a hard time. Tonigt I talked to him and his unit regarding human feelings. It is okay to have a bad day. My son has made tremendous progress, he now cares about himself and has goals, he wants to have good grades and do things he has only drempt of, not feeling he could, he has had great goals and has shown passion for what he wants. Tonight he feel that being sad is a down fall, I don't think so, just knowing he feels upset and want to be back home his happieness to me. Is he ready to be home? Almost, but not today like he hoped. I want my son to know, he made this progress with love, suport and by his own desire. Is it easy, no! Not by as long shot. Can he do it? I feel he can and with gusto.

However tonight I had to reasure him everyone can have a bad day, doesn't matter that you may have bipolar disorder there are days every one has moments where tasks, or relationships, traffic or whatever just sucks, and I wanted to make sure my son understood, regardless of metal illness we all are allowed a bad day. My son was upset because he didn't do one of his choires, okay but for 35 days he did this choire, so today he was upset and wanted to give up. I wanted to reasure him that even grownups have bad days. I told him there are days where I wish I could just say, you suck. But I don't, it doest get me anywhere but down.

I fouces on my somes positive behavoir, I let him know that he has worked too hard to just give up, and that we are all entitled to emotional days including men. Where does it say that boys or men have to suck it up and be unemotional, hmm never read that book nor have found one.

Bipolar disorder is a disease that needs support, and even though you may have a tough day, you need to know other people may have the same feelings.

It is okay to have an off day. it is when days become weeks or even months that is the problem. As a mother who had to make a tough decision, I know this, there are days that it really isn't easy, but I know I made the right decison, do I worry? Yes but,

I can make it through and if your child is hospitalized or in a treatment center, you are doing what is best even if your child is having a poor day and blames you. Parenthood is hard, but in the end it will be rewarding, be firm but supportive, that is what I am sticking with tonight.

As adults weather parents or not I feel one day at a time is enough. Love each other and be the best you can each day,

worry about tomorrow, another day!