Loosing my cool

Okay, the past two days have been horrible. Like one of those very bad "B" Rated movies, it has it's scarrry moments and a lot of screaming. That is how my last two days have been. My son God love him, is slowly working on my last sane nerve. I knew him becoming a teen was going to be hard now I know why parents get wrinkles and there hair turns gray.

Monday was doctor day, my son was complaining he couldn't breath and he sounded fine to me but considering it was a school day and he has cried wolf so many times I really didn't knwo if he was or not, so I took him to the doctor, 3 hours later and sure enough he has asthma and an infection that the doctor said was minor and would subside in a few days. So with his puffer in hand I took him home and went to work.

Tuesday, the morning was a train wreck. My son was ready to go on th bus when the driver called and said she would be there to pick him up later because she didn't want him to be at school to early, but she told this to my son and not me. ( I was mad) So after she tells my son she will be there later he freaks out and punches the wall and says great now I am going to be late for school ( Mind you he never cared before but Tuesday, it was care about school day) So I just got out the shower and my son say's "Mom take me to school I am not waiting for the bus" I told him was going to take the bus, no discussion, and I am not arguing with him. ( Now I am very mad) So the bus driver calls and tells me she is outside, my son wont leave the apartment to get on the bus and my hair is wet, but thank God I am dress, so I am now yelling at my son ( Think of Fred Flinston yelling for Wilma) and he is still refusing ( NOw I am angry) so the responsible calm adult I am goes out side and walks up to his bus drivers and begin to yell at here telling her, she is apologizing and My reply was " Well is your apology going to get him out the of the because he is refusing to leave. So I walk away and now I am crying swearing at the sky to my sons dead father that this was all his faunt and I am tired of handleing this alone.

I walk into the house sooooooooooooo mad, tears pouring out and I look at my son and say very calmly " If you do not get into the car right now I am going to freak out." So my son replys " and they say I am bipolar. I told him the only thing I want to hear is his feet walking to the car. So I get him to school and go to work. The rest of the evening was pleasant.

Wednesday, my son was tryin to miss his bus but he had one choice, go or be grounded from everything, so he got on the bus, I apologized to the bus driver, and she said to my " I know that it is tough raising a special needs child I understand." So felt better about that. Later on in the day, around 4 when my son is supposed to be in day treatment he isn't. They call me to let me know that my son did show for the bus, and I panik, ( My son doesn't drive nor has a learners permit and he didn't call me which he always does) I started crying and go looking for my son, he isn't at school not answering his cell, I am filled with worry and sadness, so I call my boyfriend and tell him my son is missing and he say's " I am at work" ( Well no shit) So I tell him I am looking for him, I get to my sons school and he is not there and no one has seen him, then I finaly get a hold of my son on his cell to find out he is at a friends house. His lie was that the bus never showed and It did, my son deceided he didn't want to go. I don't even know who these people are never met them, I told my son that I was about to call the police and file a missing persons report or runaway report and he said why? ( I wnted to blow my top what a silly question) So he I went home and met him and his friends I was calm polite and told him that he is to never pull this again, I had to go back to work, When I get home I am hoping he is there.

So I guess today I can't give any advice right now, but I so very need a vacation, but I wanted to let you know that teens can drive you mad and you just have to tough it out and hang in there.
My son doesn't know this yet, but he is very very grounded.

First Day of School

Made it through the first day of school. Woohoo!! The morning was a little rough, my son and I are both not early morning people, so I have little paitents waking him up. Mainly because I will tell him it is time to get up several times, turn off his alarm clcok, ( it is the most annoyting alarm it sounds like a loud constant horn honking, makes me irratated to hear the noise) So after the 5the time of saying his name, I told him he either gets up and gets ready for school to chatch the bus on time or suffers the consequence.

I promised myself that I will not go through his power struggel play anymore, he is learning I mean business. When my son said, "Quit saying my name" I told him I will now that he has answered me, and also said again, get up and get ready now! He slowly got up and deceided to get ready. I was thankful because he was totaly ready by the time the bus got there.

Now tomorrow whole new chapter, all I know is that I am through arguing and he is going to follow the rules regardless wheather he wants to or not. I told him just because he has bipolar doesn't mean he isn't capable of following the rules, just like someone who has thyroide or allergies problems disorders do not give you a reason to not try and do what is expeceted, like picking up after yourself, controling anger, getting your own glass of water.

So basically coping skills for parents, don't take your child hurtful words to hart, ( they know it bothers you and that is why they say it) don't argue with your child, what you say goes if they want to argue tell them that they have 5 mins to argue and you will just sit and listen to just for those five mins, when the time is up they no longer are allowed to argue and what you told them to do before still stands.

Until tomorrow.

Broken record

One of the things I have learned is To be a broken record disengaged to emotional situations. My son whom I love dearly knows how to play me. However being the broken record of what is expected and how he is to conduct himself is working with me. Example. He is not complying to the rules and is yelling at me : you suck, I hate you. You want me to suffer. I tell him he is angry and I love him too much to argue. My sons response " no you don't". I reply you are just angry right now, and you want to argue, you have 5 mins, to argue ) at this time you say nothing put the timer on or just keep tract) when the time is up redirect them to the consequences they have earned but praise them if theycomplyed with your request ( this takes time). I will repete my self over and over but will not give in. If he wants to make poor choices then he will suffer technique's for his actions ( this is sooooooooooo hard but you and your child will get through this with open communications of feelings to the extent that you kept in mind they are the child with special needs and you are the parent trying to help make the right desision. This is a hard step because you do don't want to hear. "you suck, I hate you". I can't speak for all families but the vast majority the reason they say this is because they are mad, they love you and it is hard to put aside but you have to. Your children are learning just as we did as kids

All kid need a little repition in their lives but disengage in arguing because, when you argue with your child they are given the upper hand they have you where they want you, make you feel guilty or wore down, reveres this action. Tell them they can have time in their room and not like it, but every time they say or do something negative the time starts over. Please ask questions if this is too vague, I have done this and finally I am making progress the work involved is long and hard and needs support, I just don't want to be extraneous if all of you have tried broken record, not giving in and will not argue tactics.

If you would like to share techniques on how you have handled hard situations feel free to share we are all trying to do what is best for our families and children involved, I believe as parents we can all learn from each other and grow as well as advocating to help our children.

My prayers are with you all

Stacey A.

Parenting can be tough

I am sure all parents that have special needs children feel fustrated at times. I know I have for the past few weeks. One of the things I am finding is that I work harder for my son then he does and he doesn't relize all things I have done for him. I don't expect him to he is ony a teen, it would be nice for him to appreciate how much I advocate for him and try to educate others with his disorder but maybe someday.

One of the things I am trying to have strength to do is tough love. AT this point in his life, it is time for me to try not overprotect him so much. I know many parents are guily of this, why? because we hate to see our children suffer or be in pain. Especially with bipolar disorder. I have been around bipolar all my life. When my husband was alive, I tried my best to help him, I truely loved him and wanted him to suceed, but he didn't have the strength to lean on me or trust the fact I was truely there to help him, he wasnt very good at making the right choices. So after he committed suicied I vowed I would do everything posible to keep my son safe and would do what I had to. AT the time my son wasn't diagnosed but when he was, I was determined to make sure that he would get the education he deserved and made sure he had the meds therapies and supervision required to keep him safe. After he was diagnoised with bipolar I feared he would end up like his dad, and I truely don't want that to happen, so I have worked helping my son as much as possible making sure he has the tool necessary to suceed and to teach him the correct choices and know that when you make a decision such as taking your life what an impact it has on those you left behind, and how selfish of an act it really is on children. When my son had talked about killing himself, I was scared and afraid of losing him, I made the decision of getting him to the hospital right away, It was very hard to see him as sad as he was and how hopless he felt, but I swore to him I would be there cheering for my baby and I wanted to do what was best for him. Was it heart wrenching, yes, and painful for me, because though they had him on suicide watch I couldn't sleep, once he was out of the woods, I made sure we discussed a safety plan and that I didn't care where I was or what I was doing if he ever feels that way again to call me and I will come over. So far when he is feeling the blues I try to find things to make him laugh. My son is still mad at me for taking him to the hospital, and that has been 6 months ago, but I know I did the right thing.

At school I made sure he had the appropriate acommedations ( which I deserve kudo's for this because it wasn't easy and you have to know the districts laws besides just knowing the I.D.E.A or 504 plans and IEPs and know when to seek help ( some people charge to help you with IEP's, but with enough research and determination you can find those who don't are are very good at showing you the ropes) .

So anyway, my son has done very little to help himself lately which I am not going into detail, but they are things he should do. I know in the past I have done things for him, bailed him out, advocated for hours, and my son is learning nothing by me always doing things for him, so I will have to learn when to help and when not to, he has to learn going to school is important and if he refuses then he will have to suffer the consequences. Anyway have lots to share and will be writing about how to advocate effectively for your child and accomedations. Also will be discussing displining the bipolar child, because sometimes their consequences need to be a little diffent depending on thier cycle and if they are have a trantrum vs manipulation to get what they want.

Everyone take care

www.bipolarcentral.com http://www.bipolarcentral.com/articles/ManipulatingYou.asp

He said with holding info is not lieing

Okay I am sure there are parents that have expericanced this or close to. My son used my debt card without my permission to buy mech warriors and armies and potions to help in his game. Did he ask if he could by these things? Oh NO!! Did he even keep track of how much he was spending "NO!!!" So what did he think I would do when I found out I was missing $131.86 in my account. Apparently according to my son he thought I wouldn't care, you know who having thoses imanginary swiss bank accounts are with the magic faries depositing endless amounts of money in everyones account over in la la land. I was so mad I could just spit ( and I am not good at that) So after explaining to him how he was not only lieing to me he was also stealing form me ( which I explained was a felony) so his answer was, I wasnt lieing to you, I was with holding information and I wasn't stealing I was borrowing. So I do a deep breath sang you are my son shine very loudly but only one verse because I was angry as a bit bull with a stick.

So I explained how they were different and why, I also took away the internet, and his priviledges for talking on his phone, he is going to pay back everything he Stole by doing choirs and community service. ( Picking up trash at parks and at the library) until everything is paid off by hard labor, he will not have allowence for 5 months unless something miraculous occures.
Also he is going to have more choirs and what ever else I think He needs to do. So far he has paid off 86 cents since Friday. I am still angry, but once I get paid again, I will be able to pay my electric bill ( thankfully they were understanding as I explained why I wouldn't pay my bill.


I hope he will never pull this again. But with all the consequences he has I might just get lucky.



www.bipolarcentral.com http://www.bipolarcentral.com/articles/PatternofLying.asp