Weekends are Tough

Since this is the first week of school being out, my son has been rapid cycling. Saturday was tough, I have to limit his computer and video game playing because he can soooo addicted that it becomes his realty. Saturday I had a class I volunteered to teach for computer basics, my son was extremely against this and didn't want to go. He volunteered with me so, I told him to bad so sad you are going.

He got into the car, and started swearing and them kicking the back seat. I was getting very angry, so I yelled " knock it off" and he said " I don't see why I have to go." I said "because you volunteered and when you make a promise you need to keep it, besides it is only for an hour and a half." He went on to complaining how it was cutting into his internet playing, and I told him I understood he wants to play a game, but there are other things in life besides games. So what does my son do, he again kicks the seat and yells "This sucks" I told him what a great job he did expressing his feelings, but I told him if he kicks the seat one more time not only will he not go to the library today but he will be grounded from the phone for violent behavior and I would let his therapist know. He didn't like that and was quiet for the rest of the ride.

Not even going to go into about the class, just wont ever do it again. The kids had a great time learning, I was just drained. My son did well until he got to the car, that is when he started in again. So I told him if he would quite demanding, whining and swearing, turn his act around to positive, then I would entertain the idea, however keep up the negative behavior and he will go to grandma's house and will be on poop duty. ( My mom has three small dogs and he would have to pick you there left behinds) any way he choose positive behaviors.

Sunday, I had to work and he wanted to go with, which was fine, I let him play on the internet while I was working, when It was time to get off which I said to him in 5 mins you will need to log out and shut down, all of the sudden he burst into tear, sobbing as if he was hurt. I asked him why are you crying? He yells " You tell me!!" I said " I have no idea why, what is wrong? He then responds that every time he has to get off the computer he starts to win. I told him that he could save and play another day, again out of control crying, so I walked away gave him about 10 mins and then again, asked him to get off the computer which he did. I said are you feeling better now, and he starts laughing and said yes, I don't know what came over me, I was just really sad."

So most of Sunday was this type of issue, he is cycling, and doesn't know what to do when in a crying fit. The game Mad Libbs helped a little and so did going for a small walk. Not sure how he is doing this morning left early so I could go to work and get some things done I needed to. My nephew wanted to spend the weekend with us, but for some reason in my family they all seem to cycle at the same time, my mom was having her issues on Friday night, left me sisters to deal with that, my son has been off and on as well as my nephew and all of them together would be overwhelming, since they have a hard time getting along.
One thing is for sure there is never a dull moment.

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Last Day of School

Today is my son's last day of school for the summer well until summer school anyway. Thinking that this last week was going well for him, I found out I was wrong. The teacehr e-mailed me this:


As I write this during Period 4, your son is arguing about going back into
the halls to roam and find his friends. He didn't return to class from
lunch, and my para had to go find him.

Your son has also been tardy to Period 1--three days this week. He just roams around and doesn't come to class until well after the bell.
Then he looks so surprised when I tell him to go get a tardy check.
He will not earn credit for the Level I Support Study Hall Period 4 becuase of all this tardies and because he does no work when he is in this study hall.

Mrs. McNaught asked that he be in my room for Period 4 for the past couple of weeks, and he continues to be tardy.

He did well on 2 portions--Hound of the Baskervilles and Fables, but he did very poorly on
the vocabulary. I practically had to force him to retake the vocabulary to improve his grade.
He repeatedly refused, but I finally persuaded him to do it. I tried to get him
to do it again, but he wouldn't. I haven't had time to figure his final
grade, but I think it will be a C.

Your son has made a lot of improvement from the beginning of the year. I
think he will continue to improve next fall when he returns with more
maturity.


Bless this teacher for trying. Had I known my son was pulling these I don't want to listen bull, I would have been up there faster than cat on a mouse. So now my son is going to have some consquences for his actions. I have asked hm all week how classes were going and if he needed me to follow up with his teachers. He replied no with an innocent look and said to me how hard he is trying. Basically he was hoping that the teachers would close thier eyes to his behavior and not say anything, my son can be unrealistic at times, and I have a feeling I am looking forward to a weekend of cycles.

My son did ask if we could go visit his dad's grave. I just told I would base my answer on his actions and If I feel he can handle it, we will go, if not then we wont. Being memorial weekend I know that is what everyone does, but sometimes I don't think I am up to it either. Have my own emotions to deal with.

Anyway who knows what the evening will bring, either poop on a stick, or happieness .

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Night clings and the morning scramble

(Pardon the spelling error that may occur)

Last night when my son came home from his treatment he seemed fine. Not talkative, per say but required a lot of attention. First it was he wanted to take pictures of himself holding the camera and me take a picture of him holding the camera taking a picture of himself.

Okay so once the rapid cycle photo shoot was over, he wanted to play a video game. Which I didn't have a problem with, other than the fact he would want me to watch him play, and commentator what he was doing. I find it extremely boring to watch people play video games it like watching grandmother nit a shirt, not exciting.

So I watch him play his racing game for about 15mins. I give him the ooo's and ahhh's he was looking for. I then said " okay I am going to work on my drawing for a little bit, but you can continue playing your game." then my son replied "but mom you need to see this car, look at the rims, how much do you think they would cost? I tell him more than what I can afford, so just play your game.

NOOOOOOOOOO we can't play the game even though I am in the same room, I have to watch every moment. So I tell my son if you can't play your game without me watching then you need to quit the game. Ah Ha he stopped, he even turned off the game without so much as a sigh.

This is where the clings begin. I ask him "why are you standing over me?" Why are you following me around? My son of course responds " I am not following you around. Which is a game he likes to play so it is my turn, I tell him " If I were to suddenly stop you would run right into me, so explain to me how that is not following me around. He shrugs his shoulders.

When my son gets really clingly there is usually something wrong, so I ask him what was bothering him his response was I don't know. What that mean in teen translation is "I don't trust you to talk about." So I give him a hug and ask him what he would like to do. Now mind you I am trying to complete a drawing for work that has taken me 4 hours to do and I still have much to go, but my son comes first.

My son decides he just wants to talk, nothing major just day to day things and jokes he has heard. What comes out in this conversation is that school that he hates soooooo much, is going to miss the friends that wont be going to his high school next year. I don't spend a lot of time of this subject because men have a tendency when talking about feelings to loose interest and start hearing your valuable information as bale blah blah, yackity smackity.

It is bed time and again it is the medieval war. I am not tired, is the war cry, and I am is the chant. So my little angel falls asleep about 1am, and I turn around and get up at 6:30 ( no wonder I am starting to find gray hairs, the color is falling off due to little sleep) again this morning was "time to get up... Come on the bus will be in 10mins......I don't know where you put your shoes and no they are not in my butt...... Okay the bus will be here in 2 mins..... My son quit telling me the time mom you are overwhelming me.... I run down the stairs to see if the bus is here and low and behold it is so I ring the buzzer on the door and my son comes down and tells me to quit rushing him, I blow him a kiss and tell him to have a great day, he responds "Yeah whatever" but though I am fustrated I am relieved I wasn't given the middle finger salute ( which I doubt he will do that to me anytime soon, but that was a different disfunctional day)

I am happy that my son though in baby steps is showing improvement.
It still amazes me how much he has changed in 6 years, and I haven't fallen over, passed out or had a heart attack. But the day is young.

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Weekend Activites

I have to say this weekend was busy, my best friends youngest son graduated yesterday and it was wonderful to see him walk across the stage and receive his dipoloma. This was wonderful because they had such a hard time when they were younger. Her son's and mine share the same greif of loosing thier father at a young age, but they also lost a sister as well.

To make a long story short these boys both suffering from disorders and having been placed in a group home due to thier enviorment have grown to be successful young adults. I am very proud of them. The oldest which graduated last year is in the navy and has just graduated from the police acadamy. I am so happy for him too, because he suffers from bipolar disorder and I see where he is now compaired to 5 years ago and there are no words to describe on nice it is to see him adjusting so well.

So I know all the hard efforts I do now for my son will pay off eventually. Plus it was good for my son to see his childhood friends graduate, ( my son wanted to drop out, I of course have my heels stuck in like an old tree and told him he will finish Highschool even if it takes him until he is 21 years old) However seeing his friend graduate did change his views about school in the aspect he now wants to finish. Only now instead of going into computer graphics he has deceided now that he will be a race car driver and will ony need to get sponsers in order to drive because once he wins ( if he finishes the race in one peice) will be paid $50,000 and of course that went into the dicussion, you may not always win every race and race cars are expensive.

My son still isn't grasping that racing cars is expensive, but I am not going to worry about that until I need to, there are so many other issues to contend with.

So despite the 3 minute episode in the car where my son is shouting "Blue, Yellow, Green Orange" at the top of his lungs sometimes in regular voice sometimes in elmo voice, I can't say the weekend was rough. Though the yelling colors wears thin on my nerves, I have to laugh looking back because at least he was yelling dirty words out the window or calling people body parts on the interstate.

Glad it is Friday

For most people the weekend is whoooo hoo. I sometimes feel that way, but school is approaching summer break I am thinking like AGGGG NOOOOO. This weekend is going to be filled with running up and down the road bent for election. I have to say that my son's day treatment is starting to see the true teen that he is. Which is great, that is like a cheerleading happy kick because they get to encounter what I do every day. The nice is that we are working on ways to help my son with anger management so he don't act out like the incredible hulk when angry.

Today I have to say was not so bad. My son was up at 5:30 this morning, and happy, me not so much. 5:30 is hard when you go to bed at midnight. But I covered the dark circles and went on with the morning routine, praising my son for getting up and getting ready for school. Can't be upset when they show incentive. I suppose you can but, I try to see the positive when things suck, hoping my son will catch on. He had a great day at school as well, and I am proud of him, I know he hates all the consequences for his poor choice of action but it is the only way he will learn. Sometimes you have to write out what you expect of them ( I do) but I have my son sign his name on it to show he understands and doesn't have any questions regarding the expectations. He does believe me now that when he chooses to avoid school and uses his disorder as a crutch he will have community service on early morning Saturdays and will have additional days added to his day treatment program ( day treatment is only 4:30 to 7 mon-thur)
So far he has only had to do the Saturday community service once.

tomorrow is another day.

A little bit of thunder and very little sleep

So last night my son didn't want to go to sleep. I on the other hand did, and it would be nice to have more than 4 to 5 hours of sleep. But no, my son heard on the news that evening that there could be a chance of sever whether and we was like the character chicken little " the sky is falling the sky is falling" now I love my son and I know he has a fear of bad whether, but there are times I would really like to not have to be the weather girl and point outside that the cloud he is seeing is just a puffy cloud and not dangerous.

At midnight, I reasoned with him to at least lay down and follow his honey dew list, it is a piece of paper shaped like a half of honey dew, anyway on the list he chose to listen to a CD. I am too tired to cheer for joy, sometimes it is like boot camp, you have been run ragged most of the day and you don't care if you sleep on a rock, just as long nothing explodes, burns, floods or screams you are fine.

3:00 in the morning I wake up to hear spacing ( it is a mother thing I can hear pacing) so I go into the living room and ask my son why he is up? He says don't you see the lighting and thunder? We are under a thunderstorm warning. I know he is upset and scared, so I hum the little song "how tired I am, I just want to sleep" and give my son a hug and reassure him as long as he is not standing out side and is away from the windows he would be fine. He thought about and said to me that the weather people said to take cover. I responded "We are covered, we are not in a tent in the middle of the forest, we will be fine so let us take a deep breath ( you know the ones in slowly, out slowing almost like the lamaz class)

At 3:30 when the storm had passed I gave my son another hug, told him to get some sleep, because he was going to school and I don't care how tired, because I will be too and I would prefer not to look like a wilder beast at work. 6:30 the alarm goes off, I go and wake my son and I am surprised, I tell my son it is time to get up, and he gets up. It was like Christmas, I felt blessed, and I am sure the neighbor's felt so as well. Usually in the morning we sound like wild elephants chasing monkeys up a tree.

I was sooooo happy that my son got up, go ready, and the best part, was ready for school. He had everything around. I could not belief my eyes. I did praise my son for a job well done. I let him know I was proud of him for getting up despite the fact he was tired. ( I am thinking though that he doesn't like community service on Saturday mornings)

I didn't even hear anything from the teachers today, this is happiness on a cheesy puff.


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Teaching capable and incapable

Sometimes as parents we tend to be overnurtering and forget that even bipolar children can be self suffient with their wants and needs if you teach them the difference between can't and incapable.

My son will from time to time will demand me to get him water or something to snack on. So he has had to learn that just because he doesn't want to get these items himself, he is still capable of getting them. When he is sick, I will help him, but when he is just sitting on the couch or playing a game, I explain he is capable of getting them himself.

One example of how he is now getting these things on his own is ; one day my son was watching cartoons and yelled from across the room " mom get me a drink of water" I responded " I am busy right now, you will need to get it yourself." He then bellowed, I can't mom I am too tired" I responded to him that it was an excuse as to why he didn't want to, so I walked into the living room and told him the difference between can't and incapable.

I told my son can't is when you are in a vegetative state where you are incapable of moving to get up and get it your self. I went through the examples how he wasn't numb from the neck down, nor did he suffer a stroke, so there for he is capable of getting his own drink of water and that before he would die of thirst he would get a drink.

Another example I have had to use was when my son was at school and did not want to be there , he made many excuses for his behavior and then used his bipolar as a crutch. So in the principle office my son says "mom please take me home, I don't want to be here, If I stay I will get into more trouble. So I responded " Since you are making a choice, I feel you are capable of making the right decision, since you are trying to manipulate the situation to avoid being at school your very capable of knowing which choice is the right choice to make. Then my son said, no I am going to choose to get into trouble, because I can't handle being here.

I then said to my son, " so what you are saying is that you are incapable of making the right decision and you are needing me to make your decisions for you? He responded no, just let me go home, so his option was to either make this a good day or continue to make poor choices and get in trouble. Needless to say he choose to make good decision and to stay at class.

My son is also getting his own water, snacks and helping with the trash from time to time.


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Teaching a consequences for actions.

After Avoidance Monday last week it was migraine Tuesday then it was too scared of the Weather Wednesday. I called his therapist and came up with a plan that if he didn't go to school then he would need to go to his day treatment on Friday. That caused my son to change his mind and go to school, though it was only for half the day. So on Thursday it was drag our feet as if they were cemented down, he got a move on real quick when he found out that if didn't get on the bus then he would have another Friday added to his treatment. So he moved a little faster. Then Thursday evening I received a call from his staff treatment teacher, he said that my son was doing well that day and had no problems and that he felt my son shouldn't have to serve a Friday for only going a half day to school.

I told the day treatment teacher that my son had left many many holes in his story. I explained to him that Monday he had to serve a detention so instead of going to school he choose to avoid the situation, and slept most of the day. (Which mind you while he was home the only privledge he had was to read or draw) I then explained migraine Tuesday and how he claimed to have a debilitating head pain and couldn't make it to school. (In his defense he probably did have a headache but he has missed too many days to have the luxury of staying home)
SO I then proceeded to explain to the teacher of how he was motivated to go to school for his half day after I told him that he would receive Friday suspension at his treatment program.

The teacher was disappointed and felt played. ( I tell them my son is charming and is a great sales person apparently he sold his story to the teacher until he had to verify to make sure)
So the teacher decided that he would add not only Friday, but Saturday too.

I was like whoo hoo. I told him that I was 100% all for it. What my son had to do Saturday was community serve for lying to his day treatment teacher and for avoiding his detentions and missing school. My favorite was that he had to clean. When the teacher told me that my son tried to play that he didn't know how to sweep or mop, they told him until he could figure it out he was staying. My son learned very quickly how to use a mop.

They also made him volunteer his time at the food bank. It was wonderful. My son on the other hand didn't think so, but he did decided that he would from now on go to school. I wont hold my breath since he does have to learn the hard way.

Sunday was hard. His energy was over the top, he couldn't sit still, wanted to argue and bully me into buying his a CD or a computer software program. Which he didn't either of. But to save sanity my boyfriend did take him to the park and then the library so I could have a moments piece. It was nice.

During my quite time I went to the video store and decided to have family movie night and rented anger management. Some times the titles are just fitting.


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Avoidance on Monday's

This weekend was fairly pleasant, only a few normal teen things. Mothers day was good. My son got me a really cute card, that told me that I give wonderful advice, and when you open the card it says " and sometime mom I will use it".

I wish that the sometime was now. Every time he has a consequence to face, he shuts down and avoids the situation. Sometimes he will even shut down when he is excited about doing something, but he gets so worked up that he has syced himself out. I was watching a show last night about two bothers with autism, in the show they portrayed them haveing a mild case, but none the less showed the trials and triumphs they went through. When they were showing the boys scared and upset and how they would shut down when they were freighting, it made me realize, that my son does that for many things and I have to find a motivator. But first I have to have him go back to square one with the deep breathing and the anxiety list of to do's when he has a hard time calming down. Now the list is actually called the honey dew list, but it was we used for storms or tornadoes because he is very fearful of stormy weather. He did wonderful yesterday and since we repeated all the steps and he felt really good this time around.

I am excited about my new family advocate, she has years of experience as a therapist and has worked in group homes. It was amazing how much simarlarites there were with our children. So I am thinking this will be very cool. Now If I can only get my son to serve his detentions without having to sit with him at the school. But that is another battle for a different day. For now I am going to take the advice of taking one moment at a time, it is so much easier.

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A start of a melt down

I have only been at work for an hour and the teacher calls. I know it is very rarely a good thing when a teacher has to call. She informs me that my son is in rare form this morning. I told her that is why I called her this morning to warn her that he was going to be special but not in a pleasant way. She responded with " I know, I just didn't expect him to be this defiant. " My little angel was disrupting the class by mocking the teacher, telling the class that the teacher could count, and instead of calling her by her given last name, he chose dude and hommey. Plus he was refusing to do any of his homework. The teacher said every time she told him to do something he would refuse direction and did what he wanted to do. In his second hour class he was being as disrespectful to the next teacher, and had to give him a referral. She did the right thing, I reassured her because he was in the wrong and making poor choices with his behavior.

The teacher put my son on the phone, in which my son was not please, I asked him "why are you choosing to demonstrations negative behaviors?" His response "because I don't want to be here mom." So I go into my small speaks of how we all have to do things we don't want to do.
He isn't listening. So I ask him if he is trying to earn extra time at his daytreatment program, of course he said no. I told him if he continued to disregard the rules and continued to make poor choices then he was most defiantly earning more time at his program. He asked why mom? As if he had no idea his behaviors were incorrect. I clenched my teeth and explained to him in no uncertain terms what his consequence were going to be and why and listed out what his behaviors were. He then said, so. Then I pulled the card grounded card, and said okay if you feel you are not able to make better choices not only will you be grounded but I will your step dad go up to the school and babysit you in each class. He didn't like that option apparently and hung the phone up on me. I was so mad.

I called my son's therapist and explained to her what was occurring, She is to speak with him tonight in his treatment program. She also like the plan of my boyfriend going up to the school to babysit my son in each class. (However my boyfriend is less than thrilled and very put out that my son needs the extra intervention today, since he his trying to find a job). I explained to my boyfriend that if I could get the time off of work today to go and sit with my son all day I would and though I thanked him for helping me out, and gave him many kudos, he is still angry that I volunteered that idea. I told him that our son needs to see that we mean business and if he is not thinking logical right now and is having an episode then he needs to have him there. My boyfriend asked how I was sure that our son wasn't thinking logical, so I told him that in the conversation our son stated he didn't need an education, he could go right now and get a job that paid him $30,000 a year and wouldn't have to work every day. (we laughed at that one but not to our son) and he also said that he would walk from school to either my work or home, which is about 7 miles.

I am hoping that my son can continue the rest of the day by behaving, and that my boyfriend will not be so mad at me later. I also hope that this is not the start of a melt down that ends with hospital.

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To sick to go to school

Sometimes it is really hard to tell when my son is lieing regarding sickness. I second guess myself because he has fooled me in the past. Last week I took him to hte doctor after his daytreatment because he was complaing about a sore throat and it hurt to swallow. I didn't belive him because he didn't have a fever, just a runny nose and some conjestion. When I got to the doctor and he did his check up on him, he really was sick.

This morning after I told him it was time to get up and go to school, he whined he had a migraine. I took a deap breath and got him an IB profin and gave him about a half hour and then returned to waking him up again. This time though the headache wasn't as piercing ( that is what he told me) but now he felt like he was going to throw up. So I gave him some water and a cracker. He said it didn't help. Another deep breath. I tried to be understanding, maybe today he was really sick. I called the doctor to see if maybe the meds the doctor gave him for his sinus infection was interacting with his bipolar meds. They reassured me that this could be a side effect of not taking the meds with food. Okay so tomorrow he will get the crackers first, then the meds.

Last night he didn't show signs of illness, only very talkative and in need of constant attention. I did make him watch this show nanny 911, he would comment that it would never have worked with him when he was younger because he feels he was an angel at 3 to 10. I laughed and told him that he is my little angel, but far from angelic. His response this time didn't follow a hand gester his time. I actually got the word "whatever". Little grasshopper is advancing.

I am hoping that my son is ready to face tomorrow since he is going to school without question. It was somewhat a little bit easyer when he was smaller to force him to school because I could carry him kicking and screaming ( a business by where I live thought I was kidnaping him but that is another story, that I can laugh at now). He is taller than me and heavier. If I had only taken up power lifting. I did make it clear what his consequence would be if he didn't go to school, and put them in writing and hung it on the door. His consequences for tardies to class is now included in his IEP, and I made him at home sign a contract stating he understood what what expected of him. His day program has done the same for him there. I wll flip a coin and hope it lands on him going to bed before two in the morning and going to school in the morning, without crankyness.

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