I need a nap

I am deprived of sleep. Worn out, and I want a nap. My son has been going through a manic cycle and this week it has been full of crankyness, emtional highs and lows and very little sleep. Several nights he refused to lay down and go to sleep. He was the master of excuses as to why he wasn't tired. The number one reason he said was he wasn't tired and didn't need to sleep. I told him I needed sleep and couldn't until he went to bed. Finally he agreed to lay down as long as he could listen to his music. I offered him that choice at 10pm it was at 2am that he deceided to go with the music to relax. Ugh.

Not to mention last night when my son was droped off from his treatment program, he complained of a sore throat and weezing, so since the emergant care was still open I took him there. I didn't know if he was faking, plus if he wasn't I wanted to make sure the doctor was the one to tell him he would be well enough to attend school on Friday. Sure enough it was a sinus infection with bronchial inflamation. I didn't mind that he was placed on an Antibiotic. It's the
steroid I am not please with. I asked the doctor if it would interfer with his meds, and he said no, but to watch him because it could throw him into a rage, depression or a combination of such including hyperactivity. Okay that sounds as much fun as a train wreck. Of course the doctor also mentioned that it could make him drowsy, or have no affect on behavior at all. I am crossing my fingers for no affects at all.

I know the teachers are having a pleasant time with my son, they do give me positive feedback at the end of the e-mail, but the beginning usally begins with " I am sorry to have to be the one to tell you this", or "your son was having difficulty staying on task", the favorite this week is " Your son arrived 10 min early to class, left and came back 5 mins late with a tardy pass". Well he is keeping busy, but not in a productive way. So had to speak with day treatment to incorporate a consequence when he is there in the afternoon. Seems to be working, he dilikes going to treatment on Fridays, since that is supposed to be a free day. However hedoes have to serve a Saturday school, that will be fun. My boyfriend is not a morning person, nor is my son and I don't have a problem other than getting my child up early saturday to serve a dentention for his many tardies and refusal od doing homework.

I am hoping while he is at his Saturday school, I can at some point take a few mins to breath, which isn't likely, I have sooo much to do at work I am behind. ( I do not get paid for over time so it isn't extra money). Who knows what else the day will bring, who I will run into, and I will have to do.


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Another IEP

I am soo happy today's IEP (individual education plan) went well today. School in the past has been an uphill battle in high heels. However, my son will not like what we have decieded for him. To resolve the tardy issue, we have incorporated that not only will he have consequences at school, but after so many tardies he will also have an extra day added on to his treatment program. He has Mon-Thursday, but now when he is tardy so many times he will also have to attend Friday.

I love my son, but he can be such a little old man in the morning. Since he knew I was having his IEP meeting this morning he was very cranky, wouldn't get up, he tried to tell me he was too depressed to go to school. So when I told him if that was the case then maybe he needed extra therapy time with group, he sat up, flipped me off and got dressed to face his whole new day.

I didn't let it bother me, I just told him thanks for letting me know I am number one today and laughed. You have to keep your humor. So I will see how he takes the news when he gets home tonight from his treatment program. Hopefully I can continue to keep my humor.

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Stressed Out but I keep on going

Some months are more fustrating than others, some weeks are great. However the last couple of weeks have been rough. Sometimes I feel helpless with my sons bipolar issues. I wish that I could take away his pain and mood swings or the way he feels inside when manic, and I know I can't. I try to teach him the necessary coping skils and life skills to help him through the tough times, but he doesn't have as much determination to fight the demons that burden him as I do. Sometimes he does, but not this past couple of weeks.

I think Mondays are a hard day form him. Every week, it seems in the past three weeks he has a hard time getting up and going. Today he feels too depressed to go to school, I asked him to try and make it through but the talk ended up in tears and then a horrible headache and he wanted to be left alone. Since my boyfriend is still currently looking for a job, (which is added stress for the both of us ) he stayed home with my son today. He is working on getting my son to move around when he feels down and emotional. So far my boyfriend has gotten him to draw and eat a little. Over the weekend he was an eating machine, which clued me in that he was about to experiance a low mood soon. Last week he was cranky, and argumentive. The week before he had no motivation, this week is a combonation of hyper, angry, whiny, argumentive, teary and irrational. Not to mention accepting of the word no.

This weekend was very stressful, my son hard a hard time with sitting still and needed constant attention, he didn't want to be alone. He was constantly following me around the house and would stand so close to me that if I backed up or stop one of us would have fell over. So i decieded since he seemed lonely and needy We would do alot of activities together, it was nice and cool outside so we played tennis( not the right way but close enough) and to burn off some of his energy we went to the zoo. Which we had a great time, there was a lot to see and plenty of walking up and down hills, I choose the hilly was just to make sure he would be tired later and actually go to bed before 12am. Once the zoo was done, though his feet were tired and aching he wanted to play video games, but I stood my ground and told him no because so far with all the tardies he has too class he hasn't earned game time. Plus he becomes extremely addicted to games if he is given too much time to play, mainly because the games provide escape from day to day life and there is no pressure of fitting in. One of the main things he needs to learn is coping with everyday life and it's stress, my son chooses advoidance and that is why he continues with day treatment and therapy, he has picked up some coping skills, but he doesn't use them consistantly. Hygene though is improving.

While at work he has phoned 3 times, not so much to ask for things but because he needs to talk. I asked him that since my boyfriend was there (and they have a great relationship) why he needed me right now, and he said because he was feeling down. I gave him a pep talk . Do not know what the rest of the day will bring, but I am hoping for a little peace so I can continue gathering information for the upcoming IEP.

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When it rains it's a flood

Since Monday everything has been a chain reaction. If one teacher calls about my son being tardy to class then I know the other 3 teachers will soon follow. I am inundated with calls and emails from the school. I appreciate all of there efforts and communication, however there is a point of the rope you reach in where you want to sit in the corner and cry. Not because it makes you feel better, but it is very overwelming. Appointments with work, therapies, and school issues.

Now I have to set up another IEP (individual Education Plan) because in the school handbook it states with every 5 tardies to class it counts as one absense to that class and all the tardies my son has it will equate to never being there. He has eight class and if he is tardy to all eight for 5 days he is considered absent one day. This is infuriating. The reason is when somthing is bothering my son he will avoide the situation which first semester he avoided, so if you have a bipolar child who has trouble with avoidance and attendance it makes no sense why you would give him more absences.

Also with the tardies, he now has 3 detensions and a Saturday school. Okay, fine he needs to understand you can not be late to class otherwise there is a consequence. Not disagreeing, but I did ask the teachers what he was doing that was making him late. Responses were talking to friends and meandering the halls. So I said short of me walking him class to class, what do you suppose is the solution. I received no response and they said "what do you think the solution is." So I then tell them the consequenses he receives but it on a daily basis, plus the day treatment program he goes to talks with him. I explained the importance of being on time. So I ask the teacher why do you suppose he is avoiding your class to be on time? The teachers answer. "I don't know. " Well hmmmm, ding, ding, ding, ding, there is your first clue and possible solution.
I told her I already asked that question to him and he told because to know of the expection of being ready and on time is stressful. It is very easy to stress my son out, so I asked her how can going to her class make it less stressful on him. What readiness is required? She gave me long list and so I said out the 10 things you want him to do when he walks through that door, is it possible to let him do 8 of the ten things then five mins later have him to the other two. She said she could, but will have to do an IEP.

I don't envy the teachers or ingnor that they are trying, I know they are not equipped to handle bipolar children. It isn't somthing they are taught even in special education. I just wish they understand that being a working parent who has to think for others there, plus parenting, and thinking for the teachers and making the right desions for your child is a tough job. Today I feel like I am drowing. I have brain stormed with one of my advocates which was somewhat helpful, at least they gave me a website to go to and with whom I could speak to about the truant statement they have on his attendance ( he hasn't been truent, unless they are counting the day he was hospitalized and I didn't call that day) but the professional partner ( behavior intervention people) was not listening and would only tell me to let it go. I didn't like that, because I am not a quiter and refuse to let the system tell me what to do and how to parent when they can't even handle a day of caos, without consulting me.

Maybe I am being an emotional mother, at least they know I love my son enough to make sure he is getting the proper care he needs. The day isn't over yet and once I have a moment to breath I am going to call the PTI and see what they have to say. A second opion is my motto.
If this person say let it be, then I might, but I doubt it.

Fitting in

Friday late afternoon I received a call from my sons day treatment life skills teacher. Normally my son doesn't attend on Friday but since he missed 2 days of school this was a consequence for not trying to cope with his mood swings. I asked how he was doing and she said fine, but she had a concern about a story that my son had told her.

Here we go I thought. Whenever he has story time with an authoritive figure, I know it isn't going to be good. So the life skills teachers asks if I knew that my son smokes. I almost fell off my chair, and I said what???????? . The teacher exlpaines to me the situation, my son was on the bus riding with other kids,teens and they were targeting him for having worn the same pair of jeans for 3 days. ( I tell him that he needs to change his cloths and this is another story of fun)
So my son deceids to apprear as Johnny bad ass and blurt, so what if I have these jeans on, does your mom let you smoke ciggarettes.

The teacher was confused as to why he felt that was a defense. I told her that I do not let my son smoke. Hoever when he came home off the bus Thusday night he had a ciggarette, he theatrically threw it on the table and asked me what I was going to do about. Well this was his way of challenging me, and so I smiled told him I loved him and threw it away. My son returned my smile and pulled out another cig and, I said okay MR. Copperfield were did you get a pack of ciggaretts? He laughs and said a friend from the bus. So I told the teacher at this point, maybe I made a bad decision, but if he was bound and determined to smoke and wanted to prove he would regardless of what I let him lite it. However he chocked and coughed and then said screw it. You did that to make fun of me. I told him no that was not the case. So as I explained this to the teacher feeling like a small worm. He reasurred me I did the right thing and that she would be giving a class on tobacco use and peer pressure.

When my son came home I let him know what I was told, and he was soooo mad. My son she wasn't supposed to tell you, I thought I could trust her. I told him he can, she was concerned. So my son asked, Did you get in trouble? (Ah ha his plan all along) I told him no, but did you have extra choirs to do? His face turned mad and said YOU , you were the one, I had to vacuume and take out the trash, and I had to do my homework. I told him that was great he did those choirs and that I want him to do some at home as well. He gave me a dirty look and told me to leave him alone.

A hour later though he came over to me and gave me a hug and told me he loved me and made a poor choice this week. I told him that we all from time to time make poor choices and he wasn' t the only. The main thing is I told him, I wanted him to be honest with me. I also talked to him about not needing to impress others who are not worth his time. Later we deceided that since this week has been stressful for each of us, I suggested watching a movie from his honey dew list (this is a list of positives and what we can do when we need a time out, regroup , we both use this list as this helps my son see that anyone can do these relaxation techniques, not just bipolar)

His movie pick "Lord of the Rings 3." Almost fitting really.

The battle of going to school

This week has been a rollercoaster ride and I am on the one without a seatbealt standing up.
After mondays too afraid of the weather to go to school. Tuesday was to can't breath and too tired. He could breath fine, he just didn't want to go to school. Wednesday was a repete of Tuesday only the new twist he woke me up at 5am stating he was weezing and needed an inhaler ( he does have occasional seasonal allergies, but I know the difference between faking and an attack). I asked my son where his inhalor was, he responded with " that one sucks, and I threw it at the wall. " I was steaming, but remained calm (tried to, and it was hard, saying your abc's backwords wasn't helping much) I woke up my boyfriend to let him know the situation and it was a mission for the inhalor. My boyfriend was less than pleased.

We headed to walgreens for the quest of the O' mighty inhalor. Once in the store, my son was breathing fine, but to be on the safe side I bought the inhalor anyway. He took his first dramatic puff and all of the sudden he was better, but now too tired to go to school. I again explained How tired I was and that everyone has to do things they do not like to do. He shrugged me off as if he placed my voice on mute. So again, my boyfriend had to take care of my son. When I got to work I called his therapist and explained to her the situation and she was out of ideas, but she decieded to call my son and speak with him again, as he had promised her he was going to go to school. The phone call from the therapist went over well for me because he explained why he was going to school and that he would be given extra choirs to do at daytreatment if he did not make an effort. I was like right on.

Thursday, oh it was much like Monday only todays excuse was he was too stressed out. Why ? Well because I told him what time to get up and that he only had 30 mins to get ready. I did this every 5 mins because he bus would be there in a half hour. So I tried the love and logic therory, I was consistant, persistant and understanding. ( inside I was about to explode). I tried geting him up and ready, I squirted him with the waterbottle, this made him mad. I took the covers off, this made him cry and call me names, though these were the same names I haven't heard before, ( he does get privledges taken away for this) So again my boyfriend stays home with him. (He has been so patient with him, but he is starting to complain a little and stated he doesn't want to be Mr. Mom.) Again I go to work and I call his thereapist this time she is not happy that my son had lied to her again, she calles my son and lets him know that since he choose not to go to school he now is going to day treatment on Friday which he doesnt normally have and if he continues to miss school he will have to go to day treatment on Saturday which is 12 hours long. Lets just say it sunk in and he deceided to go to school.

Friday, went to school doesnt want to attend Saturday treament. However he is going to clean his room. I hope!!!!!!!!!!!

Fears and severe weather

One thing that is tough, is having a bipolar child who is afraid of not only severe weather, but watches as well. My son has a terrable fear of tornado's and thunderstorms. Not that I blame him, but when he refuses to go to school, be with friends because of a thunderstorm watch or tornado watch. He will not leave the house. (which fine when it is a warning, not a watch)
It can be fustrating.

Today was no execption. My son started panicking last night, I tried diverting his attention by watching a movie ( on VHS) this way he would not have to see the weather announce every few minutes that the weather was the same and moving south of us. All was lost with the first clap of thunder. He started to get very nervous and pace the flow. I tried to get him to do his coping exercises, he wouldn't listen. Convincing him that we were safe in out apartment was another choir. My son likes to play the wha if this what if that, so I told him, the what if game is for science and not saftey.

So again I explained why we were safe, how we were safe. I showed him a map of where the storm was heading and that we would not be swept away, blow out of our home, or struck by lighting siting on the futon. (Yes there has been inceidents in which people were struck in thier home, but I do not focus on this)

I then asked my boyfriend that since the movie wasn't working if he wanted to join us in plaing mad libs. ( it usally keeps his mind off of things or at least gets him to laugh) This kept him pacified for an hour. One the watch was lifted off of our county he felt a little at ease. I suggested he listen to some music, and he didn't want to, so I suggested If he wanted to finsh watching the movie, whoo hoo I had a winner.

Once the movie was finished, he was told lights out, but refused, unless he could see the weather. We discussed how this was not an option and he should wait until morning. Okay this flew like a toxic balloon. I was tired it was 12:30am, I had to get up at 6 and so did he to get ready for school. I don't know how long he actually slept, but this morning was a good indication that he didn't sleep much. Today I knew was not going to be easy to get him to school. His excuse was he was afraid of us having bad weather. Now mind we did have a thunderstorm warning around 3pm, but at the time it was 6:05am. So after trying to coax, persuaed and such, nothing was convincing him of going to school, not even the fact he still was going to his day treatment program.

My boyfriend ending up staying home with him, even though he needs to be looking for a job. He stayed home to make sure our son would not be having fun, but would be safe. I called his therapist at day treatment and explained the situation, she said she would be helping our son with the issue of fears and how to cope with them. I hope he listens. I did request that she give me a list of what coping skills there are going to teach for fears so I can incorporate them at home. I told her that the ones I used on him when he was younger isn't working this year.

I am keeping my toes crossed, in hopes that the sever weather is over before he gets home and that he will make the wise choice of going to school and try to over come his fears rather then his fears ruling his life.

The start of the Weekend

My son and I were talking this morning. Our conversation was in regards to his day treatment program, meds, thereapy and such. As we eating breakfast at Burger King, my son said "Mom the meds they have me on now keep me calm, but I still have a lot of moods swings. What a beak through. This was the first time in a long time he acknowledged his mood disorder. So we both deceided to conduct a mood tracker, in which we can tract how often his mood changes, we are not scienctist, but it will help in the long run with the coping skills he is working on in treatment. I was happy he trusted me enough to share his feelings which is hard for a teenager to do. I beleave if you keep constant communiation and non judgemental comments your child is more apt to talk with you as supposed to just hearing your lectures.

Spring Break Mid Week

Only four more days until school is back in session. Though my son feels I am ruining his social life with the day treatment program, I know he is gaining addtional skills necessary for his return to school. Last night wasn't too bad. He was a little high strung, but those moments are easier. I did have to remind him though that if he wants to go anywhere with his friends this weekend then he needs to start doing his chores. It will be interesting to see if he actually will do them. So far he has only taken out the trash. Last night he was a little dillusional regarding a employement. He wants to get a summer job, which I am all for however he thinks he can get a computer graphics job. He is fairly good at the basics, but unrealistic that he would make $100 and hour at 15 years of age. I told him to keep this as a goal, but understand most employers will start him out at mimium. He didn't like what I had to say and decieded to listen to his music. All in all we had a good evening.

Spring Break

Spring break is not a great time parents of bipolar teens. It is a nightmare, if constant stimulation or instant gradification is not given then there is a bunch of caos. Plus having to find my son something constuctive to do during the day with adult supervision while I am at work, so nothing in the house to be destroyed, set on fire, or broken. ( Thankfully I have my son in a treatment program from 4pm to 8pm) But that leaves 7am to 4 open.

So far the first part of spring break, my son wants constant attention, even when drinking a class of water he makes a big production out of it and will thow the glass on the floor and complain there was nothing to do. I suggest he clean his room. (His room is like a wall to wall wearhouse of old toys,broken toys, papers, legos, hot wheels and music but since they all have memories attached them, he refuses to throw things away or clean, I am saving this battle for another day). Cleaning his room was out of the questions he has been all about going to Best Buy to buy software for a computer that doen't have enough memory for the graphics he wants to do, then when told "no" this leads to unrealistic reasons as to why I needed to leave work early and take him to the store. I called my boyfriend who happens to be not working right now and asked him if he could watch my son until his bus came to pick hm up from day treatment. Thankfully this will eliminate the every 15 minute calls asking me to run him here or there. ( I also called my son's therapist and told her that in tonights group, my son needs to work on taking no for answer and constructive entertainment that doesn't envolve breaking things or threatning to break things)This evening I am sure will be fun. Don't get me wrong I love my son and all his imperfections, it is just he can be overwheling at times.

I know last night he was fairly calm other than the fact he lets me know each and everyday he how I am ruining his life by having to go to therapy and group 4 days a week. My response is the same each and everyday, I tell him , " You may feel that this is ruining your life now, but in the end you will know that I love you sooo much, I want you to be able to have the coping skills needed in case I am not around." His reply is usually "Yeah whatever." But he knows deep down I am right. I know the constant scheduling of appointments gets to him, but he has made wonderful improvements over the last 3 months. Plus as we completed a goal that is set for him, he earns time with friends, activites he wants to do or participate in and when he takes no for answer without arguing, he gets to play his playstation for an hour. So I'll see what tonight brings.