Hanging in there.

Cant believe how much time has passed since I wrote the last time. The therapy center my son has been at is an experinace that has it good moments and it's not so good moments and there are times I get up set or emotional or make the descion, but I am his mother and it is hard to let anther person care for your child and give them consequences for thier behavior.

I am learning to let my son do for himself. It is a painful process for me as my son's mother and painful for him because he has to learn new habits and work on the ones that arent helping him.

My son has made great improvements regarding coping skills, but still has a way to go. The weekend of Thanksgiving my son was givin a 24 hour pass so he could spend the weekend at home and have family time, which went great, but the next morning when I had to take him back was a total different story, he was crying and promissing me that he would be good and to tell his unit that the car broke down or that I was too sick to take him back, he had many excuses, but I stuck to the program and told him I would not lie nor break the rules, I tried very hard to convince him as long as he continues to work on his issues and understand that bipolar is a deciease the he lets control him and once he learns how to cope and learn the necessary life skills needed to be home permanetly he will.

After much coaching and postive reineforcement, he still wasn't buying it so I called his unit to let them know what was occuring, that snaped him right out it, he got in the car, ( Mind you very angry and spitting at me and the car but he got it).

Once we got to his unit he went in his room and punched his wall, I yelled for the youth care worker to tell them my son was having anger issues, so we left him in his room for 5 mins in hopes he was going to calm down, and didnt', so the youth care worker brought my son in to the time out room with me and sat down and discussed why his behavior was inapropriate and how it wasn't going to earn himself a ticket home because he is throwing a fit, he asked him to talk about how he was feeling and to use words and not jestures. It was a great experiance whatching how this worker got my son to calm down in a matter of minutes by using feeling words and understanding techniques, not once did you use the word "but", as in yet I understand your upset, but you chose the wrong choice," The youth worker stated " I understand your fustration and can see you are very angry, you have a right to feel upset and what I need you to do is accept the fact that you had a home pass and needed to come back to finish treatment.

Awesome there was alot more but you get what I am saying. Anyway, the theraputic home enviorment has been the best thing for my son, and I would do it again if I had to, however It is very emotional and stressful at times, so I strongly urge you to have a support system in place. Your support system can be anyone that you feel comfortable with, doesn't matter, you need it, because there are going to be times when you are not able to visit your child, or they didn't earn a pass to spend the weekend, for me I couldn't spend my sons birthday with him, because at the time he hadn't earned a pass and it wasnt visiting day, and that was very very very hard for me.

In the end of this process I know my son will be better off, just hard accepting that as a parent I can't always save my son from lifes hard lessons or take away his disorder. I know the most important thing I can do for my son is never give up and be as supportive as possible when ever he needs me.

With the holidays around the corner I am hoping this pass will go soother than the last, otherwise I am really going to need a time out.