Mothers Journey continues

Last Saturday was my sons first day pass home, he only was able to get 4 hours, but I was estatic. I really miss him. It nice to see him calm and happy. On the way to breakfast, I asked him how he liked his unit, thinking I was going to get a negative response. He replied that it is a learning experiance, and they are helping him cope with his mood swings. I was releived to hear that. I know he is still mad at me for putting him in a hire level of care, but in the end he will have far more skills coming out then he did going in. Still it isn't easy. I have my days were I deeply miss my son, his smile, laughter, jokes and the orney twinkle in this eyes, but I know that the path he was choosing would end in destruction had I not placed him in a theraputic enviroment. One of the toughest issues I am going through is with the staff, not knowing me and how close my son and I are, they have this one track mind way of thinking, that all parents are lazy, it isn't unitl I tell them I was the one who placed my son on the residential unit, not the state, not a case worker, but me!! This always changes thier tune, and they are much more compliant to talk to me regarding my concerns.

Last night was a little tough, my son has been doing so well over the past 4 weeks, and it was disapointing to hear he had an early bed as a consequence, not that I didn't feel he deserved it, but because I always call my son everyday to let him know I love him, I see him every visiting day and take him home when he has passes, so that made me cry when they said I couldn't speak with him, so I said why are you punishing me for my son's consequence, I am not askin to have a conversation, I only want to tell him I love him, the staff member did get him on the phone, and my son was very upset with his consequence, he hated everyone and everything. I aksed him what happened and he said that because he was late getting up and refused to shower he had to go to bed at 8:30, I told him it sounded reasonable to me, and he sisn't agree, but I did get to tell him I loved him. I then was able to speak to the staff and asked what had happend and she said that my son was refusing to do what he was told, complained of a headache and that his nose was stuffy and wanted to continue playing his game. I told her the real him is starting to show, but also let her know he is getting ready to cycle and with all the noise and other boys on the unit his trigger is getting pressed. She agreed and was going to talk to my son about it and see what she could do.

They are really great people and I am glad they are there to help my son, but it isn't the easiest thing to do, so I still am talking things one day at a time.