Been a little tough lately

Many parents I am sure are going through the struggles of keeping your children in school. I know my son has a tough time with attendance. In his IEP I had to change it this year, mainly because you have to know when your child is working you and the system. Last year I had so he attended school 50% of the time. He was to do half the homework with full credit and turn in a homework behavioral sheet at the the end of the day and bring it home. His level one support was to provide him living and coping skills. I mainly did this because he was hospiatalized twice and was in and out of partical treatment.

This year is a total different issue. School has been in session for 11 days and my son has missed 4 full days and 4 half days with 2 of the days being excused. Knowing that my son isn't experiancing the same issues as last year, I changed his IEP because I know he is just defying me. He want to do things that are only fun. Which don't we all. He is right now at the point where he refuses to go to school because he feels it is stupid but has these grandose illusions that he can go out and get a computer programming job making $40 an hour. I don't even make that and I have an education.

So it was a tough desion but considering I know he is trying to avoid work I have changed his IEP to him being in school 80% of the time with having to do full assignment 80% of the time (which he can he is extremely bright) and he is to have positive interaction with his peers 80% of the time, and if he is overwhelmed he is to go to the school counceler to regroup which them he will take the day one class at a time.

My son feels this is unfair, because by going to school he can't play his computer game runescape. But I am sticking my ground and have told him too bad. Last night I was telling my son that he isn't a baby any more and if we wants to spend time with his friends or go to moives then he has to behave like he can handle it. I also told him that just because he has bipolar disorder does not mean he is excused from doing what is expected of him. I told him your name is Steve not bipolar nor is your middle name. So if you want to be treated like Steve then you need to start coping and do what is expected for a kid your age.

So he understood because he said that is something what his therapist would say. We have told him he is going to have this disorder the rest of his life just like I am going to have allergies, and be nearsigted the rest of mine, but don't use it as a crutch. There are tools out there to help him over come his challenges. So I sat down with him and kept my lecture brief but explained to him he has choices to make positve or negative ( I try to refaine from good and bad because I have noticed children with bipolar take the words good and bad and internalize it like if you say you are being bad then they feel they are a bad person and will feel they cant do anything right, so that I why is use positve and negative or if I use good and bad I describe it this way " you can make good choices or bad (poor) choices, which every good choice you make you gain something, with each poor (bad choice) you loose something. Only you have the power to do what is right.

But though these techeniques are starting to sit in for my son, it maybe too late. I have been telling him for months now to make the proper choice, and like 20% of the time he has. ( I have also been tougher with the rules, I don't back down or give in because he has worn me out.) That was one of the things my son was good at arguing , I have learned not to argue, if he want to argue he gets 5 mins a day and once that 5 mins is over I will not listen ( but this is case by case baisis to remeber pick your battles)

Another thing is punching the wall, It infuriates me, so the violence rule, you beak it your fix it and it comes out of your allowence. So far he hasn't punched a hole in the wall since he had to fix the one in is room and since he did it , he has to earn his door back to his room. It is easy, hell no there are times I want to run away, but I use relaxation techniques, I find walking to be good. Or deep breathing with music I like or just reading a book. But one of the most important things I have learned is you don't have to go through this alone. Find support, you need it, and it helps because there are times I am overwhelmed and need emtional suppor and I will call a friend or an advocate. This way I can keep my sanity, plus I learn things at the same time.

All of us parents need to stick together, it is tough with special needs children, but you also need to take care if yourself as well, and sometimes that means a break from the children. Your family will appreciate you more. ( When I mean a break, there are respite centers that can care for you child so you can have a break)

until next time take care.