Remaining Consistant
Just want to cover the consistancy topic. This is somthing that as parents is hard at times to be. However, when you are not conisisant your child will pick up on with thier teen/child radar and will go with gusto to get there way.
So how do you remain consistant? Well for me I have the rules written down and my son has signed off on them stating that he understands the rules and they are subject to change with verbal and written notice if changes need to be made. Also he has a list of consequences for offenses he has done or for the poor choices in behavior he makes. NO matter how much he yells, cries or screams, when he makes a poor choice the consquences stick. Plus I have the consequences fit the poor behavior choice, so not only does he learn that certain actions are not acceptable, but they also earn him a consequence for the choice he has made.
It is not an easy task and there are times you may want to run out the house screaming, but stay firm, keep a sense of humor and continue teaching you are not going to back down. Now there will be times as all parents have experianced where you do give in, and that is fine we are all guilty of bending the rules, but if you do it too often then your child thinks, hey If i just get on her nerves more than I will get my way. Think back to when you were a child/teen. You knew how to work your parents and when not to, out kids are the same, we just loose touch with that aspect.
I know my son can be specialy moody and manipulative when he doesnt like the consequence and will choose to whine, cry, yell and be less than pleaseant to be with. Sometimes I want to go in the closet and scream, but I look for creative ways to turn the negative behavior into the positive. For instance on past blogs, I explained my sons addtiction to the internet. Well he was without for two days because he missed his bus for his treatment program. He would whine beg plead and the word was still no. I did not take his unkind words to heart, he was angry, I allowed him to be angry quitely. I told him he could channel his anger into somthing he likes to do ( draw, read, write, mad libs) which I had to redirect him alot, but I remained consistent
Again it is not an easy road and when you are a single parent it is even tougher. That is why you need a parenting buddy someone who can give you a time out wheather they come over for 20 mins for your to recharge or you just vent your fustrations out. A parent buddy works. I still have them. Believe me, without the addtional support you will be angry, sad and resentful. With releif you will be able to focus on your children/child more.
Every parent deserves a time out. But in the mean time be consistent, and good luck.
2 Comments:
Thank you so much for saying that every parent needs a time out and that if you don't you will be angry, sad, and resentful. That is exactly how I have been feeling lately and no one seems to understand how difficult it is to just make it through the morning, afternoon, or evening, let alone the whole day sometimes. I am not a single parent, but my husband does not help with my son's bipolar. He says since there is no cure, what can he do about it? My mother-in-law does take my son 1 or 2 days a week and that does help; but recently a friend offered to take my son for 1 afternoon a week until school starts to give me a break and when I told my mother-in-law that, she acted like I was just trying to get rid of my son, like there is no reason I should need another break in the week since she takes my son once already. I am home all the time with my son since I work from home, so it is not like I get a break at work. Just frustrating that I was so excited about my friend offering to help and then my mother-in-law acting like it is not necessary. Well thanks for letting me vent here...even though I don't always post a comment, I read yours all the time.
Thank You.
Your mother-in law is like my mother. When I was staying home with my son, my mom never gave me a break. ( My son's father who was bipolar as well had ahard time staying out of trouble and keeping a job was hardly around) had it not been for my friend helping me out and taking Steve for a day or a couple of hours I would have lost it.
It is not easy what you are going through, and it sounds like you have it all togehter, just don't feel guilty that your mother in law doesn't understand. Don't even try to make here understand because when they are stuck in there ways it is like trying to play a cd on a record player.
Maybe your husband and mother in law will come around.But don't hold your breath, you have to keep your self sane and by doing so is having a few moments to yourself.
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