Holding my ground and I want to scream
Today bites. I know there are better more educated words to use, but I am fustraighted.
This morning at 1am, my son was still up. I was nice and calm telling him to get to bed and that the thunderstorm wasn't a bad one and that he was safe. Thankfully he layed down and I went back to bed at 1:45.
So I am up at 6:30 thinking since everyone is a sleep I would take my shower. Silly me, just as I was washing my hair my son bangs on the door urgently, I am thinking what in the world. As soap is running in my eye I turn off the water and yell, "WHAT DO YOU NEED" my son says, hurry I have to p**p. I can not believe it, he expects me to jump out of the shower because he can't hold it for another 5 mins.
So I hurry and wrap a beach towel around me, and yell to my son the bathroom is free and he better have to p**p or I am going to freak out. ( looking back now I laugh, my upstairs neighbor's must think we are bananas.)
So after the bathroom issue, I leave for work. So as I am trying to do my job, my son calls crying this is like 2 in the afternoon. I ask him what is wrong and he said Drew ( my boyfriend) was yelling profusely at him to get off the computer. My son said that Drew made him so mad he threw the cell phone. Okay I know he was being a drama king but I was very very mad my son threw the cell phone. I am hoping my co-workers did not hear the swear words that fell out of my mouth, (none were the "f "word, but all the same)
So after playing referee with my son and boyfriend I called my son's therapist at the day treatment facility were my son is going for 3 hours today.
I explaine to her the situation. Of how my son didn't want to get off the computer when told, and that he told my boyfriend "sucks to be you" when he said he needed the phone to call this one place to set up an interview. Oh I was sooooooooooo mad at my son. He didn't listen to the rules, but Drew did follow the rules I set up for my son and that made my son mad.
The bad thing is they both were not handling the situation very well and I was the mediator, thank God I didn't have to fill in for the receptionist today, because I would have been the center of entertainment, yelling at the two boys while answering calls in between.
The next thing my son decides to do is blame Drew for having to get off the internet and me telling his therapist what he was doing. I cleared that up for my son, I told him he was in charge of his own behavior and only has himself to thank for the poor choices he made.
4:00pm the bus is there to pick up my son, he sees it, but does everything in his power to try and miss the bus. My boyfriend calls in a frantic state ( Mr. Mom he isn't) and complains about My sons slow going. I told him to tell my son that if he didn't get on the bus then I would add a day of treatment for him and his go up would be about taking responsibility for his actions ( I know he just loves that one)
So he gets on the bus, My boyfriend is now very crabby with the whole days events, and It irritates me because I am still at work and he is complaining that he is tired. I understand my son is a handful, probably a good thing he didn't know us 10 years ago because then 6 hour trantrums, kicking, biting, punching, destroying, peeing on other peoples cars ( that was a fun episode). Anyway my boyfriend calmed down and is relaxing.
So 45 mins later the therapist calls and wants to verify my son's story ( so glad I called her first and let her know the play by play) My son was denying he was on the internet & said he was only on it for an hour. Then she put me on speaker and my son immediately changed his story and the therapist thanked my for my concerns and would finish writing my son's game play for the rest of the week.
So I will see how tonight either explodes or works out. I vote for it to work out, because I would like to study for my advocate program. or I think I will take my own advice and have my boyfriend and I play mad libs and laugh for awhile.
www.bipolarcentral.com
7 Comments:
Hi Stacey. My name is shanendoa, and I am relatively new to all of this. Michele told me about your postings, since you are a parent like me with a unique child. I was wondering how old is your son. If you listed this fact in previous blogs, please forgive me. I am in a library, and we only have 30 minutes, so I figure it will be quicker if I just ask you like this, and then I can read your comment tomorrow. My child is 13 years old. She had a breakdown when she was 12, in December of '03. My daughter is similar to your son, with wanting me to watch her play her video game and being on the internet a lot. (Late at night.) What I have been doing with regard to the internet is take out the wire (I have a cable modem, if that makes a difference or not)so that she is not tempted. Even though I tell her that after a certain time, no more internet, she will say she forgot or it just doesn't happen that she will stay off of there, since she has a hard time to go to sleep. Sometimes I forget to take out the wire, and then she's on there till about 1am or longer. Today I bought healthy food items, because since she is up late at night while I am sleeping, she goes in the fridge for a snack. My girl went from a very small size to a large size (I feel weird to say the specifics of her weight) As I get used to commenting and reading, I think that I will be able to be more open.
Shanendoa,
My son is 15. He was diagnoised with bipolar disorer when he was 10. I knew it had it alot sooner, doctors were reluctant to diagnois even though my departed husband ( my son's father)was bipolar along with my mother.
The internet has been a struggle but with a schedule in place that has helped I put one together last night, so far he will do what is on the schedule. We just have a dial up but I change the password from time to time so he can't get on.
As for snacking I know exaclty what you mean. My son was very thin there for awhile and very active, but when they changed his meds he gained weight. He is self conscious ( sorry for the bad spelling) so I monitor what he eats and try not to keep refined sugars or carbs especialy bread.
As for the library I had to do that for 5 years, that is how I could limit my sons use. Tonight I am installing the net nanny that will restrict sites for me. I am going to ask the library where they get thier software because I would like to have time placed on the computer and when time is up he can't use it. Thank YOu for opening up it is hard since parenting a special needs child is difficult, what works for many other parents don't usually for our children. Hang in there. Soon I am going to write on how to advocate for your child as I am studying this course so I can help other parents. Thanks for stopping by, I may not always have the best answers, but at the very least we can all come together as a group and help each other.
I'm going thru your blog because I suspect that my 9yo son is bipolar. I've always known it was something, dad won't let him get diagnosed or treated. I am bipolar too. I'm reading this wondering how in the hell I can take these suggestions, that sound great and would probably definetly work, when I act just like your son a lot of the time.
bipolarprincess.blogspot.com
What would your son do if you didn't stay up late with him? When I was younger I wouldn't sleep for weeks, but I would stay in bed and read or watch TV. It would be worse if someone would stay up with me.
I was wondering if all teens that are bipolar are attention seekers? My daughter wants me in the room with her even though she is just watching TV. She wants to watch only what she wants to watch but wants me in there with her. She is 15 and was different before all of this happened. I don't know what to think.
Nicolep,
Suggestions are hard to follow when everyone is different. With my son we sat down together and wrote out goal. What is goals he wanted to achieve, the ones I wanted him to achieve and then I wrote out how to get there. So far as a team we have mastered one goal. Every month we modify the plan and the goals to accomidate his ever changing needs.
Sorry your son's dad won't let him be treated. That I know is tough, and I wish there was somthing I could tell you, but it is a decision you have to make.
As for staying up with my son, there are a few times I let him stay up by himself, but I tell him to wake me the minute he thinks of doing something he thinks is a great Idea to do that I may not approve of. So far it has worked. I usually only stay up with him when he is anxious, angry, or scared. I spent sooo much time with my son, I know when he is about to have an issue, when he is trying to hide he has an issue and when he doesn't need my help. I wish you and your son well. Thank you for stoping by. I hope that even though I may not have all the answers that I can at least help some parents. Take Care.
Jewels,
From what I have read and my experiance with bipolar disorder, (mom, departed husband and now son)
Attention seeking seems to be one of the traites where it is for negative or positve attention. Sometimes they want you to be in their back pockts because they are afraid of being alone, or feel someone else is getting more attention then them and feel left out.
My son and I communicate often in this area, and a few times he has told me that he sometimes hates being alone with his own thoughts. So understanding that there are times he is going to require addtional attention, whether it is convienent or not, it is something he needs. But I am still helping him learn self soothing and entertaining himself. It is a long process, but having read the many books I have one of the life skills child who suffer from bipolar experiance is the need for instant gradification, but have to learn the skill of entertaining themselve, finding hobbies that they enjoy and not to impress others. So far my son is working with music. Don't know how long it will last but so far it is working fairly well. 15 is also a very tough age. For them it is difficult to have a disease that most teanagers don't have to go through, plus the hormones, and trying to fit it. It can be scary and overwhelming to them. Communication is tough as well because they don't want people to treat them different so they tend to want more of thier parents time as in them watching them play a game, TV, Draw, I feel it is a reasuance issue for them as well. All us parents can to is try.
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