Teaching a consequences for actions.
After Avoidance Monday last week it was migraine Tuesday then it was too scared of the Weather Wednesday. I called his therapist and came up with a plan that if he didn't go to school then he would need to go to his day treatment on Friday. That caused my son to change his mind and go to school, though it was only for half the day. So on Thursday it was drag our feet as if they were cemented down, he got a move on real quick when he found out that if didn't get on the bus then he would have another Friday added to his treatment. So he moved a little faster. Then Thursday evening I received a call from his staff treatment teacher, he said that my son was doing well that day and had no problems and that he felt my son shouldn't have to serve a Friday for only going a half day to school.
I told the day treatment teacher that my son had left many many holes in his story. I explained to him that Monday he had to serve a detention so instead of going to school he choose to avoid the situation, and slept most of the day. (Which mind you while he was home the only privledge he had was to read or draw) I then explained migraine Tuesday and how he claimed to have a debilitating head pain and couldn't make it to school. (In his defense he probably did have a headache but he has missed too many days to have the luxury of staying home)
SO I then proceeded to explain to the teacher of how he was motivated to go to school for his half day after I told him that he would receive Friday suspension at his treatment program.
The teacher was disappointed and felt played. ( I tell them my son is charming and is a great sales person apparently he sold his story to the teacher until he had to verify to make sure)
So the teacher decided that he would add not only Friday, but Saturday too.
I was like whoo hoo. I told him that I was 100% all for it. What my son had to do Saturday was community serve for lying to his day treatment teacher and for avoiding his detentions and missing school. My favorite was that he had to clean. When the teacher told me that my son tried to play that he didn't know how to sweep or mop, they told him until he could figure it out he was staying. My son learned very quickly how to use a mop.
They also made him volunteer his time at the food bank. It was wonderful. My son on the other hand didn't think so, but he did decided that he would from now on go to school. I wont hold my breath since he does have to learn the hard way.
Sunday was hard. His energy was over the top, he couldn't sit still, wanted to argue and bully me into buying his a CD or a computer software program. Which he didn't either of. But to save sanity my boyfriend did take him to the park and then the library so I could have a moments piece. It was nice.
During my quite time I went to the video store and decided to have family movie night and rented anger management. Some times the titles are just fitting.
www.bipolarcentral.com
9 Comments:
I would like to commend you on how personal you can be when posting your blogs. I too have a bipolar teen and must admit that they can be incredibly frustrating to deal with - sometimes the most simple of cause/effect relationships (at least to me) are the most difficult to instruct. Thank you so much for helping me to see that I am not alone in feeling overwhelmed and alone whenever I am dealing with my son.
-A.W.
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One of things I had to do was start with finding a good therapist, and after a few months of counceling, my son's therapist recommeded a few psychiatrist (however you spell it) and after a few test and sessions I was refered to his family doctor to run som test to make sure it wasn't a medical condition after which this process was a long and extensive ( about 2 months) but in the end I was glad to know what was wrong. YOu can also get the school psycologist involved if you want a recommendation.
Thanks.... grandson (11 years old) got suspended from school for bad behavior today "again"..., has anger management problems, often says "what? it's not my fault... I didn't know.. I didn't mean to"... his school is very understaffed. My daughter is BP II, anxiety, agoraphobia, depressed and in crisis. Youngest granddaughter (9 years old) still wets the bed, Dr. states it's something that she has to outgrow... it is a medical problem that can't be corrected but outgrown..., she is very clingy, hyper, lies, belligerant, defiant, whiney and teary. Oldest granddaughter (14 years old) has huge mood swings, cries easily... usual teen stuff plus. The kids have had an in home counselor who just quit them because the kids won't pay attention.... argggggg! How can a counselor give up?! I don't get it?
My son & I are still struggeling with the school system because they too are understaffed, however I do have an IEP in place and let me tell you it took two years to actually get the IEP right.(I was leaning the process) However the in home councelor sounds like they just weren't equipted for the challange as with the handful you have it is challenging.
My sister had the same problem she has 3 kids one who is bipolar the other dislexic and the youngest not sure yet. But what you need to do is inquire at school about getting a community counclor or go to http://www.bipolarcentral.com/resources.asp click on the link for mental health services by state because you need services that will help you and your grandchildren, belive me, 6 years ago was horrible I was a widow, trying to help my son and coudn'nt find the resources needed, but with my stuborness I kept going until I found someone who could help. ( School was not helpful at that time they were a nightmare.)
I truley hope things get better for you and your grandchildren, stay strong.
Stacey, I can't thank you enough for your support.... aaand in the middle of all you deal with, with your son. God bless you. My oldest granddaughter is also dyslexic and just made the national honor society for the 3rd year in a row all because she had a teacher that cared enough and knew how to teach this special child in grade school. Unfortunately, these types of educators are few and far between. The school system that Krystal was in then is many miles from where they now live though I'm thinking it might not be a waste of time and money to try to locate her for this purpose. I have been looking into the site you have suggested. My counselor informed me yesterday that children are typically not diagnosed until they reach their teens?!!! I clearly see symptoms in both the 9 and 11 year old NOW! Again thank you for you time and encouragement and continued good luck with your son. My prayers are with you.
I've been looking for suggestions on how to discipline a bipolar teen myself. My daughter was originally diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but recently we have been told she may be bipolar, due to it being on my husband's side of the family. On occassion she has these outbursts when she can't have her way, when normally, she's quite reasonable. Last week, she wanted to go see her ex-boyfriend and when I refused to bring her myself she called me a nasty name and I told her she could not go and she insisted she was going and if I didn't let her she would do something to herself (she's a cutter but hasn't done it in over three months after being in a day program for 10 days) Needless to say, I was beside myself. I didn't know what to do. She went up to her room and when her friend came to give her a ride, I went up and told her that she was here, and she said she wasn't going now. I told her she had to tell her friend herself. She then decided to go. I didn't know what to do. Later on she called me and was extremely appologetic. We discussed it the next day and I told her she has to find a way to get control of herself before it gets that bad, even if I have to give her a code-word or something, because it's not fair to her brother to see her getting away with things when he can't. Any suggestions on anyone else's experiences like this?
Chrissymarie64
I know exactly how you feel. My son used to threathen me too when I wouldn't let him get his way. You have a harder job then my since I only have my son and part time my nephew to deal with. However, one thing I have learned is that when they start to threaten to hurt themselves, you explaine to them what a poor choice they are makeing.
My son for instance wanted to go to the library and play on the interenet, I said no, he said he was going kick the cat and then jump off the balcony, I then told him he could do those things, however he would have consquences that he would diffentaly not like, I told him he needs to make a positve choice and that he didn't have to like my answer but accept it. He tried arguing with me and I told him I loved him too much to argue and my dicision was final (excuse my spelling) he came at me and I told do you want to continue making poor choices? If so keep behaving this way, of course you know they then say " you don't want me to have any fun, and I tell him I want him to be happy and have fun but there is a time for everything, so back to my orignal I asked him if he wanted to hurt himself and others or does he just want his way? After about an hour I got out his list of what to do when upset and together we listened to music as loud as he needed to and he started to calm down, but I did call his day treatment program and the therapist to inform them of the incident. Basically if you don't back down and let them know they have choices but only the positve ones are going to get them what they want. I let my son know he has control over his decision, he can either choose to cooperate or he can choose to make a poor choice and have consequence. With bipolar children I know they need written out what behaviors are expected and which ones will earn them a consquence and what those consquences will be.
I also have a contract written up where if he threatens to hurt himself or others what I need to do as a parent, and he has signed stating he will not use those threats unless he truely means them.
I don't know if this will help, but I know after 3 months of doing this consistantly with my son and nephew it has worked, (not everyday) hang in there.
Comment to chrissymarie64: 8:23 am - Hope this isn't too long, but hope it is helpful to you and others - I know each person is different, and I also know that there are some large similarities across different disorders and yet, people who are diagnosed with the same disorder can be different and have very different habits. Interestingly, you spoke of outbursts when they don't get their way....I know that one SPECIFICALLY - the worst symptom my 15 year old daughter ever had. Violent outbursts that she regretted over and over. In 9 months - 5 broken phones, 1 broken window, holes in the walls, (only the beginning of the long list) bruises upon bruises from kicking and punching the walls, doors broken right off their hinges, screaming and crying in the street - Hospital not very helpful, she has a great psychiatrist, but it took months of changing medicines to come to where we are now which is finally a calmer place. I find that the medicine plays a big role - because even though we found a good mix, she is still highly obsessive, worrysome, becomes obsessed with some new issue or thing still with all the medicine, but nothing is anywhere as drastic and I find that the things she worried about the most during her horrible repeated violent episodes are things she can cope with the most now. She feels much less on edge and intense. The habits seem to come last - I told her, or reminded her, as the doctor told her, that the medicine doesn't take away your problems, only makes them easier to deal with. I find that she has many bad habits and still can jump to certain conclusions and then realize that those are the quick-to-anger conclusions and that she feels stupid afterward for doing that, but lots of it when "stable" is just habit that needs to be changed. I always tell her, "you will be an adult when you can take care of yourself and you are of age, until then, you are a child and it is MY job to train you as to what is reasonable and what is not and good and bad. If children could train themselves, they wouldn't need parents." We are working on the habits. I am also finding that those take time, and it's hard to try to do them all at once...All the things they are used to doing at will, not realizing how horrible they are, because they were doing them when they were irrational, they can very easily keep doing out of habit (blaming, accusing, denying, etc.) I find that we must tackle only maybe one or two at a time. It's too much for my daughter to metabolize a list of rules all at once, she needs to make a new better habit and move on to the next one. It was actually something I was having a problem with her with before, trying to take on an unreasonable amount of worries all at once and never being able to finish anything and then never wanting to go to school feeling at a complete loss for time, so I feel that I must do the same when trying to tackle her behavioral habits. One or two at a time. I find that keeping my word if I make a punishment threat, that I must keep it....If I say "If I keep finding your dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom, I will throw them in the garbage." that I must put them in the bathroom trash can to show her I mean business. I find that a child who has anxiety problems is in some ways right a step ahead of you, because they are so busy thinking of things, they never forget that you didn't keep your word, especially when they are getting away with something if that's their personality in the first place. Anyway, those were just a few words I was thinking when I read your comment......It's good to know others understand. RR.
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