Teaching capable and incapable
Sometimes as parents we tend to be overnurtering and forget that even bipolar children can be self suffient with their wants and needs if you teach them the difference between can't and incapable.
My son will from time to time will demand me to get him water or something to snack on. So he has had to learn that just because he doesn't want to get these items himself, he is still capable of getting them. When he is sick, I will help him, but when he is just sitting on the couch or playing a game, I explain he is capable of getting them himself.
One example of how he is now getting these things on his own is ; one day my son was watching cartoons and yelled from across the room " mom get me a drink of water" I responded " I am busy right now, you will need to get it yourself." He then bellowed, I can't mom I am too tired" I responded to him that it was an excuse as to why he didn't want to, so I walked into the living room and told him the difference between can't and incapable.
I told my son can't is when you are in a vegetative state where you are incapable of moving to get up and get it your self. I went through the examples how he wasn't numb from the neck down, nor did he suffer a stroke, so there for he is capable of getting his own drink of water and that before he would die of thirst he would get a drink.
Another example I have had to use was when my son was at school and did not want to be there , he made many excuses for his behavior and then used his bipolar as a crutch. So in the principle office my son says "mom please take me home, I don't want to be here, If I stay I will get into more trouble. So I responded " Since you are making a choice, I feel you are capable of making the right decision, since you are trying to manipulate the situation to avoid being at school your very capable of knowing which choice is the right choice to make. Then my son said, no I am going to choose to get into trouble, because I can't handle being here.
I then said to my son, " so what you are saying is that you are incapable of making the right decision and you are needing me to make your decisions for you? He responded no, just let me go home, so his option was to either make this a good day or continue to make poor choices and get in trouble. Needless to say he choose to make good decision and to stay at class.
My son is also getting his own water, snacks and helping with the trash from time to time.
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2 Comments:
I'm Wondering from reading this the age of your son. I have known since before my son was born that something was "different." We got through many years w/o a diagnosis or treatment other than good family support and planning. At puberty, pandora's box opened and we began treatment which includes an IEP, medication, and therapy.
He is now 16 and has a very hard time deciding to stay on his medications. His psychiatrist and his parents (dad, step-dad and me) all developed a4 month plan to see what meds were working and what ones weren't. He blew out of it in the middle and admits he needs his meds, but it is still a fight to get them in him and keep him takig them.
This child is very bright and one of my big fears is that he will blow college and lose opporunities he can't replace because he will decide he doesn't need his meds anymore.
Anyway, thanks for the site. I hope to be back and post later.
Mel Andrews
Hang in there Mel,
My son is 15 and I control his meds. My son has only refused to take his meds a few times, but if he doesn't take them then he has consequences. Plus I explained his meds are like those for people who have High blood pressure, you need to take them. But I am sure you have already tried this. Teenages are rough, but you need to remain consistant and strong.
Hopefully with the right guidance your son will excell in college and make the right decisions. That is my hope for my son.
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