Hi, I hope you’re having a good day today. I’m a little bit tired (working too hard) – too much to do and too little time to do it in. But I am grateful that I am not in a bipolar episode today. That’s always a good day, no matter what else happens.
Ok, to today’s topic: “What if I don’t ‘feel like’ having bipolar disorder?” That kind of sounds like an attitude, doesn’t it? Well, I guess it is. Mine. Some days I really think that, you know? It’s all about the lack of control I have over whether I have bipolar disorder or not.
This sounds really negative, doesn’t it? Well, it won’t be. I refuse to be a negative person despite having an incurable brain disease. Optimism is sometimes my only weapon in the fight for sanity.
But what I said was, “the lack of control I have over whether I have bipolar disorder or not.” NOT the lack of control I have over the disorder itself. The fact is that I have bipolar disorder and can’t do anything about that – there just is NOT any cure for it! I can’t help that. I can’t change that. I can’t “Walk-a-Thon for a Cure” that. I have to just plain ACCEPT that.
But it does NOT mean that I don’t have control. I DO have control over my disorder. In the only way I can – by taking my medications, going to see my therapist and psychiatrist on a regular basis, and taking care of myself and my disorder.
It’s true that sometimes I might have a bad attitude about it – I’m only human, after all. I never said I LIKED having bipolar disorder. That’s more insane than I care to admit to. But I do like who I am in spite of it. And I like my life in spite of it, too. In other words, I don’t let it stop me from having a great life (and being a great “me”). In that way, I do exert control over bipolar disorder.
Speaking of attitudes, if you do have a positive attitude, it will get you that much closer to stability with your disorder. You’ve got to believe, first of all, that recovery is possible, and possible for YOU, though. If you don’t think that way, you’re defeated before you even start. DON’T do that! You have power you probably don’t even know you have to fight this dragon called bipolar disorder.
Some days we can’t help feeling defeated, I know. I call those “bad bipolar days.” It can get pretty tiring fighting this thing all the time, can’t it? So…NO! I do NOT “feel like” having bipolar disorder today. I “feel like” being “normal.” But I have to believe I’m an even BETTER “normal” than I would have been without the disorder. It has turned me into a fighter, a conqueror, a SURVIVOR! And you are too, if you’re not in the hospital in an episode right now!
Consider the fact that you are a survivor, because you are surviving having bipolar disorder. Yes, YOU! You ARE a survivor! Think about that on days when you feel discouraged, or feel like the dragon is winning. My husband and I have this expression: “It’s us against the world. And sometimes the world wins.” Yeah, we both get those bad bip0lar days. But, being survivors, we come back even stronger the next day.
Take heart in the fact that you’re a survivor, just like someone is a cancer survivor. You have a very serious mental illness that is trying to steal your joy, your emotional health, your success, your LIFE! So every day you go without an episode is one more miracle day that you have survived.
No one told me this would be all roses and chocolate (oh, don’t you love chocolate?). But, unfortunately, they also didn’t tell me what a battle it would be to stay stable and to fight this dragon. That’s why I get on here and I tell you what the doctor didn’t. And I tell you that you can WIN this battle!
Battle scarred and world weary though we may be, we still wake up the next day to do it again. And therein lies our strength – in the miracle that is our sanity.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
