My brothers went to see my dad in Florida a month ago, and (strongly) suggested that I go to see him, too, implying that this might be the last time I get to see him before he dies. Needless to say, I went.
So how was he? Well, he wasn’t on his deathbed, I’ll at least tell you that. But I’ll also tell you that he wasn’t as good as I had hoped.
With any exertion, he was out of breath and had to sit down and rest. But hey, he does have emphysema after all. That’s to be expected.
But there was something he said that really, really bothered me. He said, “I’ve now seen each of my children, I’ve gone to see all of my doctors. Alan has taken over paying all my bills, and I’ve turned over my condo to Danny. So now I’ve done everything I wanted to do. I’m set. I’m ready to go.”
Of course he means he’s ready to die. Which bothers me because I don’t want him to die. But that’s because he’s my dad. I mean, I also don’t want him to continue suffering from the emphysema either, though. I’m not that selfish.
But someone I talked to about it told me what he probably means is that he’s at peace now, that he’s got everything in order that was in his control to do. So he feels good about that.
There isn’t much we have control over as we get old, and I’m sure he’s feeling that, especially because he’s a very independent prideful man.
So it probably meant a lot to him that he did have control over these things before he dies. Like, the emphysema didn’t defeat him in this way, or something.
But at least he still has all his faculties, and is very strong of will. His mind is definitely still all there, which is great to say of a man who is 83 years old!
The main thing is that I had a wonderful visit with him. It was everything I had hoped it would be. We spent most of the time just sitting around talking. Just relaxing and talking.
I just sat there and listened to him tell his stories (the same ones he’s always told), and tried not to get too emotional about the “last visit” idea. It was just so great to be with him.
We plan to go back in 6 months, but even if I never get to see him again, at least I have this visit to sustain me. I will always remember this time I had with him. It was a precious, precious time with my dad, a wonderful (possibly last) memory.
If your parents are still alive, cherish the time you have with them. It will mean so much when they are gone.
Wishing you joy and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,