Today I had a really good day. Of course, any day without a bipolar episode is a good day. And it’s not like anything exciting happened – actually, just the opposite — but I feel good today. I think because I’m feeling better physically, I’m feeling better emotionally as well. I made a couple New Year’s resolutions and I’m sticking to them (so far) – to quit smoking and to lose weight. I’ve now lost 3 lbs. and haven’t had a cigarette for 4 days! Quit, cold turkey (no easy feat, I’ve been smoking off and on since I was 12 yrs old, and I just turned 52 on New Year’s Eve).
Ok, so now I’ve given my age away. No biggie. I certainly don’t feel as old as all that! I started taking a B-complex supplement in addition to my regular bipolar medications, and I think that’s helping with the energy and good mood. At least it’s been consistent for a week now. Boy, I hope this good feeling lasts.
Well, the holidays are over, but I still have that “new year” feeling – like new beginnings. Like I was talking about sticking to my resolutions. See, I had stopped making resolutions, because I never kept them. Especially the smoking – I had totally given up on that. But I decided to practice what I preach to you all the time – about living a healthy lifestyle. It’s no surprise that it’s the way to stay stable, but now I really want to, whereas before I did it just to maintain bipolar stability.
I guess I was starting to feel like I was in that winter slump for awhile there, but now things are better. I still watch myself because, just because I’ve been stable for so long, that doesn’t mean that the dragon isn’t hiding around the very next bend. I always have to be cautious and do the things I need to do to stay stable, sober, and sane, and to be vigilant in watching for bipolar triggers, signs, and symptoms of an oncoming episode, so I can head it off at the pass.
I would never want to go back to those chaotic days where I would rapid cycle and be in episodes bouncing me off the walls, I couldn’t keep up with them. My hold on my emotions and moods was as futile as chasing a firefly in summer. Too difficult to do, and things were out of hand. That’s why I’m so grateful for good days – for ANY day without a bipolar episode. I’m so glad to be episode-free!
But still, I feel bad about the people who write to me who aren’t as stable. I wish I could give this away to every one of them, so they can know the great feeling of stability. Granted, it’s hard fought, but once attained makes your life soooo much better! 
I wish I could give it like a Christmas gift, tied up with a beautiful bow. But all I can do is pray for you and share my experience, strength, and hope with you in the hopes that you will get something out of it.
Anyway, there really isn’t any news today – I just wanted to share my good day with you.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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I came across your blog by researching bi polar. I’m doing a school project on it and started checking out the web for some better information than I could recieve from a book. I think it’s great that you are able to speak about having bi polar, it helps me to understand. See, my mom and dad both have bi polar but were not able to take care of me growing up. im now 18 and graduating this spring, and have been spending more time visiting my parents. It’s not that I see my mom and dad as abnormal, but it can be really hard trying to understand. There’s alot of days when mommy couldn’t get me from school because she was admitted into the hospital. I was told she was there because she was sad. I blamed myself. That’s what I grew up believing, but I now understand that it was not my fault, and even though they were never able to raise me I love them more than anything. My mom is divorced from my dad and re married to another man who also has bi polar. They never get out to dinner with friends or any such things, but I wish the world could see what a beautiful person my mom is!
I thought i’d share my story the way you share yours,
your blogs help me understand my parents illness.
keep it up, writing is one thing my mom loves, and her favourite way of coping with a dark day.
I’m sure you agree
Happy new year
Hi, Katie, I’m glad you stopped by. I’m especially glad that you found my blog encouraging and informative, helping you to understand your parents better. The more of my posts that you read, the better you will understand. My children had to grow up under the chaotic umbrella of my terrible mood swings due to my bipolar disorder. I also went through my mother’s episodes and hospitalization when I was 16. I know how frustrating it can be without answers. It’s so good to hear that you have reconciled with your parents. It took my oldest son 8 years before he would talk to me again, but now we are reconciled, too. I wish he had done what you did, because maybe he would have come to me sooner. Thank you so much for sharing your story. If you would like to be interviewed about it for http://www.bipolarcentral.com as a supporter of a loved one (your mom, your parents) with bipolar disorder, contact me at bpsurvivor@gmail.com.
Blessings,
Michele