Hey, y’all–
I need some help. I’m trying to write an article on when or if to tell people you have bipolar disorder, and I can’t find any information at all out there on this subject (which, of course, tells me that I really need to write an article on it!). So I need feedback from y’all, and lots of it.
Please share your opinions on whether you think we should tell people we have bipolar or not.
For those who chose (or choose) not to tell people, why not? For those who think we should, when do you think is the right time to tell people?
Also, please share your experiences with what happened when you did tell people. How did you tell them? What did you say? How did they react? etc.
Thanks so much for your help.
Hi Michele,
I my self do not have bipolar, but my b.friend does. I am learning to deal with this illness each and everyday. He is self did not know he had a illness of this sort. He thought he was just unhappy person. I my self think you donot need to tell everybody for it is a struggle dealing with it ones self on a daily basic.
When I do tell someone I “trust”, I always end up frustrated by them. I’ve had an ex-boyfriend who, every time we’d get in an argument he would say, “Did you forget to take your medicine?”, or some good friends who would say, “Doctor’s just like to hand out medicine but they don’t know everything, don’t take it.” (I even got that from nurses that I’d worked with. There are friends of mine who like to say, “My sister screams all the time, she must be bipolar,” like it’s a personality trait. I know that they are not ones I should share this with. We do need to have close friends to share this with, but sometimes the people that we think would be the most understanding often times are not. I think you have to get really close with a person before telling them, after they see who you are for you, not judging you by your illness.
Nicolep
bipolarprincess.blogspot
I would say to wait until you have a relationship before saying anything. Let them get to know you first. Most people don’t need to know and when they do, if they shy away from you then it’s not meant to be. Of course you are the one really hurt and it’s a 2 edge sword but my feelings are to wait, hope and pray they understand. As for me, after dealing with it for years and the fatal outcome I would not get into a relationship again with a Bi-Polar person but who knows, if I fell in love again, I might change my mind but I wouldn’t even give them a chance if I knew up front…. Sorry…….
Aloha, Michelle.
I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar for 20+yrs. I think people do not understand nor care to know even the basic things about having bipolar illness, not even my own spouse of 18 yrs! I gave him a book entitled “When Someone You Love has Mental Illness” in my hope of reaching him so he would understand more about my illness , but he never read it. He prefers to deal with it on a day to day basis and kind of “learns by experience” rather than by books or research…So far, I’m doing well, through psychotherapy and good medication management. I know that he (as well as my two children) love me very much–but they’re a bit on the passive side when it comes to researching or reading about mental health/bipolar disorder. I believe that the same- if not, worse- can be expected from the general public who’d “rather stigmatize than emphatize.” I’m a firm believer that education is the key to better understand what bipolar disorder is, it’s just that we haven’t found out an effective approach or the right tool to reach them and our loved ones. I’m not afraid of opening up about being bipolar, but some close friend once adviced me to be a little more careful about opening up… Being too “open” may also hurt you.
It takes time and a lot of discretion before one can reveal his own bipolar self to someone.
tell right away, at the very beginning. honesty is key to a happy life. this way anyone who doesn’t care to deal with a “crazy” person is gone quick. there is no reason to waste time pretending to be what you are not. if someone walks away because of your illness.. so be it. they are not worth your time and effort. i do not hold being bipolar as my dirty little secret. i am not ashamed of it. it is the way it is.
his-twin,
I disagree. I think if you just say good riddence then they will continue to be ignorant about mental illness. Sometimes people have preconcieved notions because they have never actually known someone who is mentally ill. If they see that you can be normal and live a productive life, then when they find out, they will know that they were obviously wrong.
nicolep
bipolarprincess.blogspot.com
Wow, tell or not. That is so very personal. I had to share my MS, my physicl self wouldn’t allow me to keep it quiet. Since then I have had severe depression. Wish I had not shared that. People treat you as a “broken”n person when they know you have a mental illness and need help. Our society does not allow room for things like this with rare exception. Having to deal with how people treat you, for me just makes it all that much harder.
And thanks for being welcoming! I think it does help to try to focus on what others are going through instead of being so self absorbed!
My daughter has had a really bad time with telling some of the kids at her school. But her really good friends have tried to understand. Kids will be kids and most people will probably not try to understand.
How are people ever going to understand unless it is talked about? I tell people, I’m not ashamed of being bipolar. My husband sometimes tells me that I’m too open about it. I had one nurse tell me that she’d never seen a bipolar person so open and honest about being bipolar, she wished her boyfriend was more like me. I just looked at her. I told her that I used to be so paranoid and in denial of having bipolar, that I talked about it as part of my therapy. I guess you could say talking about having bipolar helps me to conquer and fight bipolar. How else are we to survive without a battle plan? Talking about bipolar is strategy. Listening to our stories and struggles and daily lives is strategy. We are all helping each other fight our daily battles. We are talking about bipolar to each other, why not to the “outside world” to inform them too? Michele is good with words, I vote for Michele to relay my story. Michele, contact me or David for my email address
anita.. my thoughts exactly.
my “openness” of being bipolar is for many reasons.. one of which is to put a very real face to it. so as it is not the unknown other. i actually “call” or “define” myself as crazy. i am a face and a voice of a crazy woman. using the labels as my own make them my own. i am not upset or triggered by them. and the bottom line is i am crazy.
a bit from my diary of this:
” crazy. why do i say such things about myself? you are not crazy, i assure you. the sentiment is very sweet and i understand it. but, i am crazy. without a doubt and as a matter of fact. check out the dsm.. the crazy manual. i am quite textbook. so textbook it enrages me. i am crazy “enough” that it rules my world. it comes first. it is who i am before all else. i’ve got the meds, the psychiatrist, the therapist, and the governmental documentation. i also have a mind that is not my own. i know psychosis. i know psychotic rage. i know the demon. i know my mind is not mine to control. it is the plain truth. it is me. i do not hide from the crazy label. it is who i am. the severely mentally ill, the chronically mentally ill, the crazy.. it is my “group”. crazy afflicts many. some are easy to spot. some are not. most of the time, i can hide in the invisible majority. i can pretend i am not one of them. i see no need to hide or to pretend. it is my world. by being so open, i give crazy a face. i give it reality. i own it as my own. crazy is not hidden in the recesses. it is everywhere. it is your friend, your neighbor, the teacher, your child. the stigma of crazy weighs heavy on many. it is an equal opportunity offender. crazy is me. it is not the faceless other. i do not hide from what i am. since “going” crazy, i have become more aware of how the crazy are portrayed and seen in the public eye. an eye full of fear and dismay. an eye that is not seeing a thing at all. not the reality for the many afflicted. not life as it is. i was a mental health social worker before my own mental health debilitated me. i thought i had an accurate or at least humanistic view. my eyes have opened since. the two worlds are so far apart even to those with the best of intentions. to walk a mile in a pair of crazy shoes is to see a very different world.
i am crazy. it is as it is. i suppose my label is bipolar 1 with ptsd as a secondary diagnosis. crazy. crazy no matter the label. crazy no matter the day of the week. crazy til the day i die, i am certain. i suppose i may not look or seem crazy to most but i am. classic textbook crazy. it is nothing to hide or shy away from. it is as it is. if i were a diabetic, i would not hide it away. i can change crazy about as much as i can grow a couple of inches. “..
and so it goes.
Wow, his-twin–
What a great entry! Do you mind if I quote a couple things you said when I start the daily quote on the website? I love the way you express yourself. And I can totally relate to the working in the health care field and then becoming mentally ill. I did as well. Totally different when it happens to you, though, isn’t it? Yet how ironic. Challenges you to “practice what you preach.”
Anyway, y’all, keep the comments coming–we’re doing great! Although the opinion does seem to be divided about 50/50, doesn’t it? I would still like to hear more feedback on experiences about what happened when you told people. I can relate to bipolarprincess on the “Did you forget to take your medicine?” part, as Tyler still does that to me when I am just tired and snap at him, or am just in a bad mood or whatever. Do you think we are still dealing with ignorant people out there who misjudge us? Or do you think they are becoming more educated? Why or why not?
Again, thanks for all your comments. You are really helping me. So, again, Should we tell people we have bipolar or not? and why or why not? And do you think there is still a stigma attached to it?
There is a stigma to it, people that haven’t been exposed to it think manic depressives are constantly crazy. I think it’s important to show them that we can function first, most of the time, we can hold a job, we can have families, we don’t necessarily handle stress well, but show them the parts we are able to do first. That is the only way to break the stigma. I’m not ashamed of it, I know I’m crazy. It is a relief to me to call myself crazy because that means it is not my fault that I’ve spent every penny I’ve ever made. There is a reason that I scream at my parents and my kids, it’s not just that I’m a selfish bitch. But I am proud that, despite that, I am still a good person. I want people to see the “normal” side of me first, so I can explain the “crazy” side in a way they can understand.
michele,
thanks for the kind words. sure you can quote me. a link back would be nice. from my own questioning, i have found very little agreement on this issue. everyone has their own comfort zone.
My husband is bi-polar and telling my friends and family has helped me. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs and by not having to keep his BP a secret, I am able to express things to them that I am not able to say to him. I have also been amazed at how many people have been touched by this in their lives, either themselves or someone they care about. I stongly feel that the only way for people to understand, is by being open about it.
Do I think he should tell? That’s a tough call to make. He is finally working full time and part of me thinks he should be honest with his co-workers but I would not want him to be treated unfairly. He has opted not to tell and I respect him for making that decision.
I’m a little ashamed to say that I have accused him of not taking his medication, or drinking at times and vow to never do that again because I understand how hurtful it is. It has taken me a long time to trust him and I am very proud of the steps he has taken to get a handle on his life.
Sandy,
Anyone who supports a survivor the way you do deserves great rewards in heaven. May God bless you and give you strength!