Comments on: SURVIVOR VS. STATISTIC

By: Stacey Adams

Stacey Adams — Tue, 02 May 2006 14:57:00 +0000

Thanks Michele. The lady from AA didnt valadate your feelings!!! That is why she made you angry, she wanted you to blow off your pain and hurt like a scrape or bruise.

Venting is a tool to use when you need to process your feelings.

Just a suggestion, since you are good at describing your how you feel, have you every just wrote your sister a letter? Part of the issue you are dealing with is the loss of closuer.

I never got that with my husband killed himself. But since i have written alot of poems to let go of my anger hurt and confusion, I finally sat down and wrote one heck of a letter, and though it doesnt take the loss away, it does give me closure. As soon as my son writes one we will take it to the grave site and discuss our feeling. Sounds silly, but letting go is what needs to be done.

Once you are ready, you will feel a little lighter!

Take care, you too are a very strong women

Stacey A

By: Michele

Michele — Mon, 01 May 2006 16:09:00 +0000

Stacey–
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Only someone who’s been thru it can understand. Yesterday I was talking with a girlfriend at AA, and I know she was trying to help me about my sister, but to me her comments were harsh, like, “You know you have to talk about this…you have to get this out…you can’t just hold it in…you have to share it with others…you’re not dealing with it…” and I felt she was basically telling me I was dealing with it in a “wrong” way. All I wanted to do, honestly, was hit her, or tell her to shut up, or yell, or something like that! Or scream at her, “Yeah? Well, how many of YOUR sisters have killed themselves? THEN come tell me how to cope with it!” I mean, I know she meant well, but…I would rather have someone just say, “I’m sorry for your pain,” and just leave it at that, then to tell me, “I know how you feel,” when there is no way they know how I feel, and it just makes me angrier when they say that. I guess I really should read that book you recommended, cuz just re-reading what I’ve written shows me how angry I still am.

Anyway, again, thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I know that you, too, are a survivor, and that you also deal daily with BP and the struggles it causes us, and for that I admire you. You are a very courageous woman.

God loves you, Stacey, and so do I.
Love,
Michele

By: Stacey Adams

Stacey Adams — Sat, 29 Apr 2006 14:53:00 +0000

My husband's sucide was April 1st of "92". I do not think of him as a statistic, but a person who was unable to ge the help he needed.

What is so unfornuate in todays society is the health care people receive or better the lack of care.

You sister was not a statistic. She was a wonderful women, where the health industry let her down. They have let you down as well.

I know you are a fighter and a survior, just keep her memory of all of the fun time you had. One of the books you might want to read is the one by Sandra Bloom Creating Sanctuary, it might really help you process your anger twords the loss of your sister so you can release those negative feelings and move to the positve.

I have lost many people in my life to sucide and there needs to be a better system in place in order to get the help people need.

I know statiic wise my son is the same 50% rank as his dad was at my son's age for sucide, however I am doing everything I can possible to do keep that from happening to him or others, and I will continue to advocate loud and strong that the health care indusrty must revamp what isnt working.

Keep smiling, writing, growing and learning. sorry so long of a comment