Hey, y’all–
A girlfriend of mine, who battles the same issues as I do, used a phrase in one of her emails the other day that made me think. Actually, made me want to steal the phrase and use it myself! LOL
Anyway, the phrase is: “SURVIVOR VS. STATISTIC.”
Lately, as y’all know, I have had my sister on my mind quite a bit, since April 15 was the one-year anniversary of her death. I hate to think of her as just a statistic. It sounds so cold. But, in fact, she is just that. Just another suicide statistic. A flat number, where there was once a beautiful, vivacious woman. One suicide statistic of many others in this country.
To those of you who are struggling with suicide right now, please think about this. As I’ve said many times, “Suicide is never an option to a healthy mind.” So if you are thinking about suicide, your mind is not healthy right now, and you need help. Please, please, tell someone what you are thinking. And/or go to www.fordeb.com, the website my sister’s husband set up in memory of my sister, Deb. Read about others who were left behind when their loved one decided to kill themselves. Think it through–don’t just think about the pain you’re feeling now. Think about the pain you will cause your loved ones after you die.
People who are thinking about suicide are in such enormous pain that they see no other option. But there is always at least one other option–they just cannot see it. The thing is, they have to stay alive until the next day to see it. Are you willing to wait just one more day to find out what that option is? Curiosity would get the better of me! And in many cases, it did! I just thought, as I was about to kill myself, “What if tomorrow is different?” And just that one thought kept me from killing myself that day. And you know what? Things really did seem different the next day! That “One Day at a Time” expression they use in AA really does work. Some days I’ve had to work it one hour at a time on my depression (suicidal thoughts), but it does work.
The main question is, do you just want to be another statistic? To have your whole life washed away in one second–the one second in which you kill yourself? To have your life not count for anything? Like you never even mattered? Like you were never even here? To be just another statistic? Do you hate your life that much? Do you hate yourself that much? Do you hate your family that much? (because you have to think about what you are about to do to them, about the tremendous amount of pain you are about to inflict upon them, for the rest of their lives!).
It’s your choice. You can choose to be just another cold meaningless statistic… or you can choose to be a survivor. A survivor, whether a survivor of sexual or physical abuse, alcoholism and/or drug abuse, Bipolar Disorder, or suicide… A survivor is someone who has been to hell and back and lived to tell the story. A survivor can help other people in a way that no one else can. Because they know what it’s like.
Break the silence. Let people know that you have tried it, or at least that you have thought about it. They need to know that they are not the only one who has thought of it–because right now, as they are thinking about suicide, they are most likely thinking that they are the only person in the world who feels like they do. And you are in the unique position to tell them that THEY ARE NOT ALONE!
There are many of us on this site that have tried suicide, and lived to be SURVIVORS!! instead of statistics, but for the grace of God. So, if you are thinking of suicide, please talk to us first. We really do know how you are feeling. And especially if you have Bipolar Disorder–it is one of the symptoms of the disorder and, however strange it seems, is a “normal” thing to deal with when you have BP. JUST DON’T DO IT!!
And always remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. God loves you, and so do we.
Love,
Michele
My husband’s sucide was April 1st of “92″. I do not think of him as a statistic, but a person who was unable to ge the help he needed.
What is so unfornuate in todays society is the health care people receive or better the lack of care.
You sister was not a statistic. She was a wonderful women, where the health industry let her down. They have let you down as well.
I know you are a fighter and a survior, just keep her memory of all of the fun time you had. One of the books you might want to read is the one by Sandra Bloom Creating Sanctuary, it might really help you process your anger twords the loss of your sister so you can release those negative feelings and move to the positve.
I have lost many people in my life to sucide and there needs to be a better system in place in order to get the help people need.
I know statiic wise my son is the same 50% rank as his dad was at my son’s age for sucide, however I am doing everything I can possible to do keep that from happening to him or others, and I will continue to advocate loud and strong that the health care indusrty must revamp what isnt working.
Keep smiling, writing, growing and learning. sorry so long of a comment
Stacey–
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. Only someone who’s been thru it can understand. Yesterday I was talking with a girlfriend at AA, and I know she was trying to help me about my sister, but to me her comments were harsh, like, “You know you have to talk about this…you have to get this out…you can’t just hold it in…you have to share it with others…you’re not dealing with it…” and I felt she was basically telling me I was dealing with it in a “wrong” way. All I wanted to do, honestly, was hit her, or tell her to shut up, or yell, or something like that! Or scream at her, “Yeah? Well, how many of YOUR sisters have killed themselves? THEN come tell me how to cope with it!” I mean, I know she meant well, but…I would rather have someone just say, “I’m sorry for your pain,” and just leave it at that, then to tell me, “I know how you feel,” when there is no way they know how I feel, and it just makes me angrier when they say that. I guess I really should read that book you recommended, cuz just re-reading what I’ve written shows me how angry I still am.
Anyway, again, thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I know that you, too, are a survivor, and that you also deal daily with BP and the struggles it causes us, and for that I admire you. You are a very courageous woman.
God loves you, Stacey, and so do I.
Love,
Michele
Thanks Michele. The lady from AA didnt valadate your feelings!!! That is why she made you angry, she wanted you to blow off your pain and hurt like a scrape or bruise.
Venting is a tool to use when you need to process your feelings.
Just a suggestion, since you are good at describing your how you feel, have you every just wrote your sister a letter? Part of the issue you are dealing with is the loss of closuer.
I never got that with my husband killed himself. But since i have written alot of poems to let go of my anger hurt and confusion, I finally sat down and wrote one heck of a letter, and though it doesnt take the loss away, it does give me closure. As soon as my son writes one we will take it to the grave site and discuss our feeling. Sounds silly, but letting go is what needs to be done.
Once you are ready, you will feel a little lighter!
Take care, you too are a very strong women
Stacey A