By: Heather

Heather — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 05:17:59 +0000

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is helpful to hear of other people’s challenges. Sometimes it is easier to see your own challenges when you recognize yourself in someone else’s experience. I am sorry to hear of your brother. I was diagnosed with bipolar in December 2009. Some people thought it sounded exactly right — exactly as they had known me my whole life. Other people said “you are NOT your so-called disorder” and proceeded to tell me all sorts of good things about me. Both of these comments have been helpful. They help me see that there is some accuracy in the diagnosis but that I am still a real person. That helps me have some objectivity and to think about what I am like when I am functioning well and to remember how that feels. Lately I’ve been thinking about patterns and how powerful they can be. The phrase “I AM this way” (or that way) can work for us or against us. So I’ve been thinking that good patterns are good and bad patterns/habits are not good. Obvious, of course, but in my emotional reasoning I add fuel to the fire. So I have to remember that good patterns help me and to do what I need to do to have good structures in my life to help keep me balanced. And to not overly identify with bipolar as I think that just intensifies the experience and maybe makes the swings larger — like a tidal wave that turns into a tsunami with a huge undercurrent.
You said you’ve seen a lot of specialists. Remember that they are there to help you, but you’ve also got to trust your instincts some too and do what you need to do to feel like and be your strong, thoughtful and capable self (or, the self that you want to be, and can be, and deep down are when you put that self into practice and action).
As far as memory — my experience is that when I am overloaded with stress (which is what you are when you think there is something serious wrong with you, rather than that you are needed to solve things step by step to get more control over your life) I can’t remember things very well. Obviously medications can also have that effect. I think every day you have to do things that help you feel and BE more in control in your life so that over time you will need less and less medication rather than more and more. All the best.

By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 31 May 2009 07:53:23 +0000

I have just discovered your website & I am so excited! You see, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder approximately two years ago. Over the years I have been treated by several different specialist: Endcrinologist, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Family Practioner and OB/GYN. I have been diagnosed with a harmone inbalance, PMS, PMDD,Chronic Depression and an anxiety. disoreder. Thank God for good insurance. However after I was fired from my last job for insubornation ( I have problems with authority figures, especially during a mania episode) I found myself in a deep hole that took months for me get through.
You see I have Bipolar which mean s I have more depressive episodes. My family history is eventful for Bipolar. There are four people in my immediate family. One of my greatest fears was that I would have the mental disorder. The ” blessing” is that I finally got the right diagnosis and am on medication cocktail that works well after having side affects with several drugs. Although I am relieved, I still have not told any of my friends ( those that’s left) because I am afraid of how they will respond to. Most of my friends are those that I have had for years; they accept me as I am: Difficult but loving, will give the shoes off my feet if I saw someone who needed them, creative, energetic, smart.
I live alone. I have two adult daughters in another state. My greatest fear is that my daughters may be afflicted with the awful disease or grandchildren. I am always observing them when I am aorund them “looking for signs”. I also feel guilty about the psychological harm I may inadvertantly caused them. I love them more than life. I know my family of orgin was affected by our father’s illness – the embrassment of repeat hospitalization and the way in which my mother withdrew from him at first. Then came the divorce.
I simply adored my father and I only witnessed angret explosions. In mid life, the disease just became to painful and he tried to commit sucide. Thank God he did not suceed but ruined his digestive track chnaging his phyical health.
My brother, diagnosed with Bipolar ,was found dead in his bed on Dec.21. I was devasted as I had spent the day with him just two days before; we talked about his depressive mood. His wife did not want an autopsy ( religious reason ) but I fear his death was a sucide. Do not get the wrong idea – I think sucide is selfish; it leaves those loved ones left behind to feel guilty that they “missed some sign(s)” So, I would never do that to my family.
Currently, I have several personal issues in my including finding work. I desparately need work. I have had a few part-time jobs over a six year period. My depressive states made it almost impossibe to function. Those experiences caused me further depression; My concentration and memory are so impaired that I am concerned that I might have some form of dementia ( my mother did). Recently, my psychiatrist told me the poor concentration was caused by ADHD.
However, I only recently began to have problems with cognitive functioning although my recent memory has gotten progressively worst. Some of the literature is beginning to speak of the cognitive problems assicted with Bipolar.
Those of you reading this blog probably noticed the hour. Its very early in the morning. I can not sleep. I am compliant with my medications although my weight has increased by 30 lbs. I always prided myself on my personal appearance and the ability to keep my weight down. Of course, I am not feeling too good about myself and go out of my way to avoid people that I know well. I do exercise but I am not dropping the pounds.
Finally, has anyone had any experience in applying for Social Security? I’d like to hear about your experiences.
Amy

Comments on: Staying Balanced with Bipolar Disorder

By: Heather

By: Amy