By: Amy

Amy — Sun, 31 May 2009 07:53:23 +0000

I have just discovered your website & I am so excited! You see, I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder approximately two years ago. Over the years I have been treated by several different specialist: Endcrinologist, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Family Practioner and OB/GYN. I have been diagnosed with a harmone inbalance, PMS, PMDD,Chronic Depression and an anxiety. disoreder. Thank God for good insurance. However after I was fired from my last job for insubornation ( I have problems with authority figures, especially during a mania episode) I found myself in a deep hole that took months for me get through.
You see I have Bipolar which mean s I have more depressive episodes. My family history is eventful for Bipolar. There are four people in my immediate family. One of my greatest fears was that I would have the mental disorder. The ” blessing” is that I finally got the right diagnosis and am on medication cocktail that works well after having side affects with several drugs. Although I am relieved, I still have not told any of my friends ( those that’s left) because I am afraid of how they will respond to. Most of my friends are those that I have had for years; they accept me as I am: Difficult but loving, will give the shoes off my feet if I saw someone who needed them, creative, energetic, smart.
I live alone. I have two adult daughters in another state. My greatest fear is that my daughters may be afflicted with the awful disease or grandchildren. I am always observing them when I am aorund them “looking for signs”. I also feel guilty about the psychological harm I may inadvertantly caused them. I love them more than life. I know my family of orgin was affected by our father’s illness – the embrassment of repeat hospitalization and the way in which my mother withdrew from him at first. Then came the divorce.
I simply adored my father and I only witnessed angret explosions. In mid life, the disease just became to painful and he tried to commit sucide. Thank God he did not suceed but ruined his digestive track chnaging his phyical health.
My brother, diagnosed with Bipolar ,was found dead in his bed on Dec.21. I was devasted as I had spent the day with him just two days before; we talked about his depressive mood. His wife did not want an autopsy ( religious reason ) but I fear his death was a sucide. Do not get the wrong idea – I think sucide is selfish; it leaves those loved ones left behind to feel guilty that they “missed some sign(s)” So, I would never do that to my family.
Currently, I have several personal issues in my including finding work. I desparately need work. I have had a few part-time jobs over a six year period. My depressive states made it almost impossibe to function. Those experiences caused me further depression; My concentration and memory are so impaired that I am concerned that I might have some form of dementia ( my mother did). Recently, my psychiatrist told me the poor concentration was caused by ADHD.
However, I only recently began to have problems with cognitive functioning although my recent memory has gotten progressively worst. Some of the literature is beginning to speak of the cognitive problems assicted with Bipolar.
Those of you reading this blog probably noticed the hour. Its very early in the morning. I can not sleep. I am compliant with my medications although my weight has increased by 30 lbs. I always prided myself on my personal appearance and the ability to keep my weight down. Of course, I am not feeling too good about myself and go out of my way to avoid people that I know well. I do exercise but I am not dropping the pounds.
Finally, has anyone had any experience in applying for Social Security? I’d like to hear about your experiences.
Amy

By: Simon

Simon — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 00:28:12 +0000

This article opened my eyes.

Comments on: Staying Balanced with Bipolar Disorder

By: Amy

By: Simon