This is not going to be a very popular topic, I’ll tell you that up front. No one wants to think about, much less talk about, pain. Unfortunately, with bipolar disorder does come the inevitable pain.
Don’t get me wrong, even people without bipolar disorder experience pain in their lives – it’s not just us. But any way you look at it, it’s unpleasant.
Think about it this way, though — of your memories, which are the ones that stand out the most? Probably those that involved pain, right? It’s a real attention-getter!
We are all going to experience pain in this life, there’s no getting around that. Jesus said, “In this world you WILL have tribulation; but take heart, I have overcome the world.” Not MIGHT have tribulation (trials, pain), but WILL.
It’s not that it happens to you, it’s what you do with it that counts. You can just sit and feel sorry for yourself and wonder about why God is picking on you, or you can use the painful situation to grow.
I cannot imagine any other experience more painful than losing my sister to suicide (except maybe the death of a child). That was some major pain. And I grieved for a long time. But eventually, I grew from the experience. I learned how to make her death count for something. Now, personally, I am still without my sister, and to this day that is still painful when I think about her and miss her. But I USED that pain to make things better. Thousands of people have been touched by my sister’s story.
In A.A., they say that “pain is the touchstone to spiritual growth.” I believe that. Although (or maybe because of) our most painful experiences are the ones that teach us the most, it doesn’t make it any easier to get through it when it’s going on.
Like right now, my doctor just switched my medication, and it’s making me agitated and irritable. Do I like that? No. Is there anything I can do to change it (except call my doctor)? No. Will it get better in spite of me? Yes.
That’s the hope we have. That no matter how painful what we’re going through is, there WILL be an end to it. Just remember, during those times, that “This too shall pass.” Just that one phrase has gotten me through many painful trials.
Also remember, you are NOT alone. God said, “I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you.” God is with you in the midst of your suffering. And He doesn’t want you to suffer, any more than you do. But you have to stand on His promises to get stronger. Remember, “His strength is made perfect in my weakness.” And that, “Whenever I am weak, He is strong.”
No matter how much pain you’re in right now, remember what the Bible says: “No temptation hath befallen you except that which is common to man. But God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted [tested] beyond your means and with the temptation will provide a way of escape that you may be able to bear up under it.” God does not expect you to be perfect, to do this alone, or to suffer and fail. He is there for you in the MIDST of your suffering!
When my sister died, I wanted to die with her. I found out what the word “suffer” is all about. I was beyond miserable, I was inconsolable. It didn’t matter to me that my family was also suffering. I only cared that *I* was suffering. And that pain was not getting better with each new day – in fact, it was getting worse, because I was missing her more and more. Yes, I suffered with losing the twin of my heart.
But people were compassionate toward me. People understood what I was going through, and they ministered to me. And I felt comforted. You are not alone in your suffering – there are others who understand how you feel.
Once I started writing about it (before I was able to talk about it), things started getting better for me. I no longer wanted to die with my sister. I saw a purpose for my life. I realized that pain will change you. And if you let it, it will change you for the better, because it will make you stronger for having had to experience it. Then you can turn around and help the next person who is going through what you went through.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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Hi Michele – I have a question about bipolar…my sister who is 49 has never been diagnosed with bipolar, but has shown just about every sign there is pretty much her whole life. My family has been split over her illness because some can see there is a problem, but the others want to ignore it. There has always been chaos or turmoil and she is always in the middle of it or the source of it within my family. To add insult to injury, she lost her 28 year old son in May 2008 in a horrific car crash. It has been 21 months now & she refuses to work or get out of the house. She feels that her family should continue to pay her bills & financially take care of her because she “just lost her son.” The family has found out that she exploits her son’s death by asking people for money on behalf of his memorial! There is no memorial! When we had his funeral, she actually asked us to “take up an offering!” I was so embarrased! I know that this is from her bipolar or something, but when I bring it up…I’m causing trouble or I’ve done things wrong in my past & we should forgive her! One minute she can be as sweet as can be & the next she can cut you in half with her sharp tongue! Would her bipolar magnify her grief? Can you help me help my family help my sister?
Thank you for your time.
Sandy
Hi, Sandy –
Unfortunately, you cannot help someone who doesn’t see the need for help. About the only thing you can do is change your own reaction to her behaviors – do not enable her to continue them. It is a very difficult thing to do, I know, because I had to do it with my sister, but at one point, no matter what she said or did, all I would say was, “Debi, you’re sick and you need help.” And I would just repeat that phrase. I told her I could not help her any more. And the sad fact is that neither you nor your family are really helping your sister anyway. You’re only making it easier for her to get what she wants. She’s not a bad person, but she is exhibiting unacceptable behaviors, and that’s what you need to put a stop to. She does need professional help, at least to get diagnosed. Once she is on the right medication and in therapy, you should see these behaviors diminish. But she has to be the one who is willing to get help, which she won’t do as long as the loss of her son is a convenient excuse. For your own sake (and the sake of the rest of your family), go to http://www.bipolarcentral.com and read some of the articles for supporters. They might help you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help to you, but I do feel for you in the situation you’re in.
Blessings,
Michele
How do people put together such great blogs!
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Great stuff. Nice to read some well written posts. A long way between them.
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