Bipolar Survivor

Well, my husband is coming along – he can at least hobble on his right foot, although nothing on his left leg. But his spirits are good, and that is what is important, as he also has to watch his own bipolar disorder and keep that in check so that he doesn’t lose his own stability through all this. I am so proud of his progress and staying strong.

Meantime, I have made the move to Florida, am in the new apartment and surrounded by boxes and crates and such. I will just have to do it a little at a time, as I can – I can’t push myself. The best I can say is that I’m trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Thank God for my parents. They have been a Godsend to me. Whenever I start to feel stressed out, they have a way of relaxing me, of reminding me of who I am and all that I’ve come through (worse than this) and made it ok. They are a crucial part of my support system, and boy do they do their jobs well!

You know, I used to hear the expression, “Make the best of a bad situation” and roll my eyes, thinking of it as a cliche that had nothing to do with me. Today I am living that cliche and working very hard at it, doing my best to make it work for me. And I’m finding that it can work, but it’s not easy. You have to put your “all” into it.

Mostly, I’m finding, you have to stay positive. I don’t know how I’d have pulled any of this (leaving my husband in the hospital in TN, making the move to FL on my own, etc.) off any other way than having stayed positive. Oh yeah, and praying alot too! LOL

But I’m here to say that it can be done. If I could do what I’ve just done, and having bipolar disorder, then you can make the best out of your bad situation, too. Just take heart, be strong, pray alot, and just do it!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

My husband was in a car accident this past weekend, totalling the car and nearly himself. I haven’t been able to go to the hospital to see him, because I have no transportation now, so I am relying on phone calls with the nurses to find out how he is doing. Needless to say, I am worried about him.

I don’t know how I’m handling all this. Seriously, if it weren’t for the Lord, I don’t think I could handle it at all. But I do know one thing – I have to still keep my priorities right, or I’ll end up in a bipolar episode, and I don’t need that on top of everything else.

So I’m making sure that I still take my medications, sleep right, and I’m trying to eat, even though I have no appetite. I just keep thinking that I have to keep my bipolar disorder priorities in check, to take care of myself while the hospital takes care of my husband.

Sometimes adversities come upon us, and we don’t know why. They just happen, usually out of nowhere. We don’t ask for them, we don’t deserve them. But they happen nonetheless. But we still have choices in how we handle them.

We can come from a place of strength (no matter how weak we feel), or we can fall apart, and then we just make the situation worse. We need to remember our bipolar priorities.

Remembering our bipolar priorities means that we take care of ourselves (and our bipolar disorder) first. We make sure to take our medication, get enough sleep, and eat right.

We also try not to isolate, because that can lead to depression, and depression to a bipolar depressive episode, and we do not want that (that’s what we’re trying to avoid, in fact).

So, in spite of what’s happening with my husband, I have to focus on myself. Some people might think that is selfish, but if you look at it in terms of bipolar priorities, you can see that it isn’t – it is simply trying to avoid a bipolar episode, which would make everything worse.

I know that my husband is being well taken care of in the hospital. His needs are being met, including his bipolar needs (they are giving him his bipolar meds, etc.). So who is going to see that my needs are met if I don’t? This is something that I have to do for myself, since my husband was my primary supporter.

I have other supporters, like my family, but they are long distance, and I have to depend on their support over the phone (which I am doing on a daily basis).

I am the only support I have here at hand now. So I do what I have to do to stay stable. Like I said, I take my bipolar meds, get enough sleep, and try to eat right.

If you have come upon adversity (or it has visited you), take my advice. Keep doing the things you need to do to stay stable. Take care of yourself like I’m doing – take your meds, get enough sleep, and eat right.

You’ve got to keep your bipolar disorder under control, even under the worst of situations. Keep your bipolar priorities where they belong and you will stay stable.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

I read an article recently that stated that there is no scientific proof that bipolar disorder is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Well, knock me over with a feather!

A chemical imbalance in the brain is the best explanation I have found for my bipolar disorder, and the one that I use to explain it to others, and the one easiest for them to understand.

It really doesn’t bother me that the scientists don’t have proof for it, because I usually find that unless the drug manufacturers are involved (big money), people are hard pressed to push for a scientific backing for any explanation of anything! Sorry, just my opinion.

But really, show me another explanation then. One that makes sense. Because a chemical imbalance makes the most sense to me, scientific backing or not.

And another thing – again, scientific backing or not – if it’s not a chemical imbalance, then why does the medication work so good on it for me (and so many others)?

I am a firm proponent for the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” philosophy of life.

If the idea of a chemical imbalance as an explanation for bipolar disorder works, why not use it? What do I care whether there is “scientific proof” or not? Just because there haven’t been a gazillion studies done on the theory does NOT mean it isn’t true!

I am living proof that the theory is true, and the fact that the medications I take to “fix” the chemical imbalance in my brain WORK is also proof that the theory is true. If there were a study to prove the theory, I would be first in line to help prove it. Nuff said.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

I know firsthand how difficult this is to do, but it is still crucial to keep the bipolar balance when dealing with bipolar disorder. In other words, we can get excited, but we can’t get TOO excited. We can get sad, but not TOO sad.

If we go to the extreme either way, we can end up in a bipolar episode, and that’s a bad place to be for us, as all of us have experienced.

It’s best to avoid extremes in life anyway – any extremes. We should all be maintaining balance, as that is the best way to keep a healthy lifestyle – mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

If you go to the extreme mentally, you will probably end up with a migraine from extending your mind too far and for too long. If you’ve seen the movie A Beautiful Mind, you’ve seen a good example of going to the extreme mentally.

If you go to the extreme emotionally, well, in our case, you can end up at the very least with some heavy duty stress and anxiety, and at the most with a bipolar episode from the emotional overload, or mood swings that come with the extreme emotions.

If you go to the extreme physically, the least that will happen is that you will experience muscle fatigue – but the worst that can happen is that you can do real damage to those muscles – strains, pulls, or even tears, much less a complete breakdown if we’re talking real extremes here.

If you go to the extreme spiritually, well, we’ve all heard the term “religious fanatic.” You need a healthy balance even spiritually so as not to go too far as to lose sight of reality.

Some people with mental illnesses that involve psychoses such as delusions or hallucinations, like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, have even been known to imagine themselves as Jesus Christ or God or an angel (or some other deity), or to believe other religous false beliefs, or to hear “angels” or “demons” speaking to them.

In all these areas, it’s important to have balance, so you can stay rational, and not to get out of control. The more you are in control of your thoughts and feelings, the less chance you have of going into a bipolar episode.

It is so important, when you’re living with and coping with bipolar disorder to stay rational in the area of your thoughts and feelings. The way to do this is to maintain a healthy balance in all the areas I just talked about.

If you do that, you can attain and maintain stability in your life. And stability is the greatest part of recovery for anyone who has bipolar disorder.

You’ll feel better as well. If you are balanced, there will be a definite reduction in stress in your life. Your anxiety will be lower. Even your blood pressure will be less. And those migraines I talked about with extremes in mental stress? They could even vanish!

There are many benefits to having a healthy, balanced lifestyle. You will feel better mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You will not only have less stress and anxiety in your life, but you will have less bipolar episodes that are triggered by that stress and anxiety as well, which will lead to longer periods of normalcy for you.

Only you can bring more balance to your life. If it can’t be balanced right now, at least work toward making it more balanced, a little at a time, until such time as it will be a balanced life, as that is important. You need a balanced life if you want stability in it.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

What can I say? Sometimes it happens. Today I am in an irritable bipolar mood. Just one of those days when nothing seems to be going right. And, I hate to say it, because it is so cliche, I actually broke a nail today. Don’t you dare laugh!

So what do I do when I get one of these irritable bipolar days? First, I try to get in a better mood. I try to be more positive. You see, most of the time, it’s your attitude that determines your mood anyway. So if you have a positive attitude, you’re usually in a good mood, and if you have a negative attitude, you are usually in a bad mood.

So I start with my attitude. It’s obvious not the best of attitudes, or I wouldn’t be in this irritable state of mind. I wish it were different, but I’m just trying to be honest with you. Happens to the best of us. Has nothing to do with stability.

I’m still stable, just a little off-base today. Can’t even say what started it, seemed to come on all of a sudden. Must’ve been that broken nail, do you think? That would put any woman into a bad mood. lol

Laughing. Now that’ll do someone some good. If I don’t take myself too seriously, I won’t take my situation too seriously, and then my attitude will instantly change. Like the crack about the broken nail. It’s really not a big deal. Therefore, my situation must not be such a big deal after all, eh?

I mean, I could make it a big deal if I wanted to, but in that case I could make my whole day more rotten than it has to be if I want to, too! But I choose not to do that.

In fact, I choose (and it is a choice) to mellow out and be in a better mood today.

I do NOT want to be irritable today! I just do NOT like how it makes me feel! Do you know what I mean? And since I believe that we do have control over our moods (most of the time, at least when not in a bipolar episode), I take control and decide NOT to be irritable today!

There! I feel so much better now! Don’t you?

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

Let’s face it – if you have bipolar disorder, there are going to be times that you feel totally unmotivated. So what can you do about it?

Many people just go with it. They’ll stay in bed, or veg on the couch and watch TV all day, staying unmotivated and unproductive.

But that’s not what you really want, is it? Staying unmotivated and unproductive can lead to downright laziness. And you don’t want that. Especially if it goes on too long – it can lead to depression, and depression can lead to a bipolar depressive episode.

Ok, so you don’t want to stay unmotivated. Where do you start?

Start by doing just one thing. It doesn’t even have to be a big thing. Just one small thing.

That’s how I tackled the biggest task I had at hand at one point – my cluttered dining room table, which I never thought I’d be able to do. So do you know how I did it? One small piece at a time.

The big secret? Just get started. Just do it!

Once I got started, I found my motivation. I just kept doing one small piece at a time, a little at a time, until (a week later) the whole table was cleaned off.

Is there something you’ve been putting off because of a lack of motivation? Then remember the secret – just get started. Do just one small part of the task.

If it is a large task we’re talking about, you could start off with a list – make a To-Do List of the smaller tasks it will take to accomplish this bigger task. Then start on one of the smaller tasks – but get started at least!

Sometimes I don’t feel like writing this blog (ok, so the confession is out). I just don’t feel motivated. But I find that if I just start it, just start writing those first few sentences, that the rest seems to flow. I get my motivation, it just comes, if I just start the beginning.

Sometimes our tasks can happen like that – if we just start them, the motivation will come. But it’s up to us to start them. Just do the beginning, and the rest will flow.

So what do you do when you are unmotivated? Sometimes you can do one little bit at a time, and sometimes you can just start the project (or task) and the rest will come.

What else can you do? Maybe you can use someone else to help you get motivated. Like a friend, supporter, or family member. They may be more motivated than you are, and perhaps you can “catch” their motivation (enthusiasm) for the job. Sometimes working alongside someone else can be motivating in itself. Just having the company can help you.

Sometimes you just have to let it go. Procrastinate it till another day. If you are truly unmotivated, and none of these suggestions will help you, you may have to set the task aside and try again tomorrow. It may not be worth the frustration.

Just make sure that you are ready for the guilt that may come upon you, and stay rational – tell yourself that you DO intend to tend to the task, you will just make another go at it tomorrow, when you hope to feel more motivated than you were today.

It’s important to remember that things like unmotivation are very real to people who suffer from bipolar disorder, and this may come upon you, so be ready for it. Have a game plan in advance for what you’re going to do when it does happen. Then you’ll be on top of things.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

You’ve heard the expression “make a mountain out of a molehill,” right? Well, there’s a woman in my parents’ neighborhood who does just that with her bipolar disorder and issues associated with it.

Everything that happens in her life falls into these categories: chaos, drama, a crisis, and the impossible. And when she’s in a bipolar episode, of course, you can add paranoia fantasies in there as well.

What is chaos, drama, a crisis, and the impossible to this woman used to be the same to me, but with stability, have been reduced simply to hassles now.

Coping with bipolar hassles is possible. It can even be like sluffing off flies on a hot day sometimes, when you’re feeling strong and in control.

Even when you’re not at your best, you can still fend off bipolar hassles by being positive and doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Just stay strong, remembering that you are in control of your disorder and not the other way around.

Sometimes coping with bipolar hassles means asking for help. I know, at times that can be one of the hardest things we have to do, but it’s one of the most successful, if we carry through with it.

Sometimes other people are more adept at handling our hassles than we are, because they can see our situation objectively. They may have been through what we are going through now and know what they’re talking about.

We can sometimes cope with our bipolar hassles just by the advice we can garner from other people, as they may have gone through the same thing and come away from it successfully, so we have to be willing to listen to advice – it can really benefit us.

Hassles are going to come, just by the fact that we are living with a mental disorder. In fact, just by the fact that we are living! Everyone has hassles – it’s how you deal with them that counts.

It is very possible to cope with bipolar hassles. Just stay open to other people’s thoughts, opinions, and advice on your situation, for one thing.

For another thing, keep a positive head about you – don’t make it into chaos, drama, a crisis, or the impossible.

For another thing, remember who’s boss – and it is you who are in control of your bipolar disorder – not the other way around.

Be strong, be positive, and know that you CAN get through bipolar hassles.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

If you have bipolar disorder, there’s one thing that can really get you down if you let it – discouragement. Of course, it’s kinda the same thing, isn’t it?

But you can control how you feel by controlling how you think.

Haven’t you ever noticed that when you have positive thoughts, you are in a good mood, and the opposite is true as well? The next time you’re in a bad mood, check out your thoughts – I bet they’re bad ones.

With bipolar disorder, we can be over-sensitive sometimes, so discouragement can set in easily. Sometimes the slightest thing can get us down.

We want to be stable, we want to be recovered, we want to be normal. Then we wonder why we don’t have it all yet? Why isn’t it happening? And we get frustrated at the lack of progress, which discourages us.

There’s a lot going on in our lives. Other than those people with the disorder who are experiencing a bipolar depression and can’t get out of bed, the rest of us are (usually) very busy living our lives.

Hopefully, we’re too busy to let things get us down, but every once in a while, I know in my case, something negative will sneak its way in. I don’t want it to, but it will anyway.

The thing is, what will you do with that negative thing that sneaks its way into your life on that day? Remember, “life is 1% what happens to you and 99% your reaction to it.” So it’s your choice.

The choice is in how you’re going to react. Are you going to be negative or positive? Because you are made up of your choices. Your choices determine your actions. And your thoughts determine whether those choices are good or bad ones, therefore whether the actions are good or bad ones.

It’s all in your attitude. Good or bad? Are you going to let it get to you? Are you going to let it discourage you? Or are you going to fight this thing? Put it under YOUR control?

Putting a potentially discouraging thing under your control is really very simple – you just out-positive it! Just remember that you are going to beat this thing – that YOU are the one in control. That YOU are going to recover. That YOU are going to be stable. That you ARE going to be able to do it, no matter the odds against you!

Stay positive, and it won’t matter what comes against you. You will win!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

One thing I see alot of people with bipolar disorder do is compare themselves to other people, both those with the disorder and those without it. In my opinion, you’re only hurting yourself if you do that.

A great person said, “for always there will be greater and lesser people than you.” So if you compare yourself to them, sometimes you may find yourself lacking, and sometimes you may find yourself better than them (which may give you a bigger head than you deserve and, in our case, can even lead to mania).

Take for instance this most recent case with Charlie Sheen and all this publicity and rumors over whether his bizarre behavior is related to bipolar disorder or not.

If you compare yourself to Charlie Sheen, you might find some similarities. Does that make you like him? Or better or worse than him?

It makes it hard to get along with other people when you compare yourself to them. Again, as with the analogy with Charlie Sheen. You may ask yourself are you better or worse than the person? And this can make for a strained relationship, especially if it is a close one.

In a close interpersonal relationship, if you think you are better (or smarter, etc.) than the person with whom you are involved, you can inadvertently make them feel “less than,” or “not as good as” you. This can strain the relationship, and even lead to a breakup. All because you are comparing yourself to them.

The worse case scenario is people with bipolar disorder who compare themselves to people without the disorder and find themselves lacking, which can send them into a depression, thinking things like, “I’ll never be normal. I’ll always be sick. Things will always be like this, they’ll never get better.”

And this type of thinking can really discourage you, or even send you into a bipolar depressive episode. Maybe even keep you there for a long time (or at least until you change your thinking and/or stop comparing yourself to others).

Some people with bipolar disorder compare themselves to others with the disorder and also find themselves lacking, and the same scenario can happen.

Or… they compare themselves to others with the disorder and can think, “Well, at least I’m not as bad as HE is!” which can be dangerous thinking, because you can get complacent and stop watching for signs and symptoms of a bipolar episode, and the next thing you know, you’re in one!

The best thing you can do is just to worry about yourself. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, good or bad, and just take care of yourself. If anything, compare yourself to how you were doing a year ago – are you doing better or worse? Then make changes accordingly.

If you look back and see that you’re doing better than you were a year ago, then kudos to you! That’s great! If you’re not, then you may have to change some things you’re doing to manage your disorder, or step them up a bit, so that you can get better.

The main thing to remember is there is no competition here. The only one you should compare yourself to is YOU.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

I’ve been reading and hearing alot about Charlie Sheen lately. So I decided to do some Google research on him, and do you know what I found? I found that even some of the top experts are saying they believe that Charlie Sheen has bipolar disorder! They at least believe that something is mentally wrong with him, that’s for sure, because of his behavior of late.

If you look at it objectively, you can see many of the signs of bipolar mania in Charlie Sheen’s behavior: (many of the manic signs) flights of ideas, fast talking, pressure to talk, irrational speech and ideas, acting as if running on a battery, excessive energy, interrupting, not being able to sit still, grandiose thoughts and ideas (and plans), starting things but not finishing them, etc.

In several (if not all) of his recent interviews (both radio and TV), Sheen has shown these symptoms. He even claimed to be a god in one of them! Now, that’s definitely a grandiose thought! A good indication of a bipolar manic episode.

It has also been suggested that Sheen, who has done this before, is again using alcohol and drugs. This is common behavior for people who have bipolar disorder, who many times will use these substances to mask their bipolar symptoms, or to “self-medicate” them.

Then the problem is, however, that they may end up dual-diagnosed, and both problems need to be addressed and helped before they can get better (which is what is being predicted in Sheen’s case).

The thing that is unmistakable is that Sheen’s behavior is not normal. That’s why there is all this speculation of a mental illness, breakdown, or even use of drugs and/or alcohol.

Of course, not everyone with bipolar disorder wears their symptoms “on their sleeve,” so to speak. With many people, you can’t even tell that they have the disorder if you didn’t know it.

However, these are usually the more high functioning and more stable people with the disorder. Not people who seem to be in crisis at the moment, as Sheen seems to be.

The problem with Sheen is that he is not reaching out for help, and that’s what bothers me about the whole thing. I know that when I was really sick and didn’t think I needed help (thought I could do this all by myself), I got worse. That’s what I’m afraid is going to happen to Charlie Sheen as well.

Most of us have found out that we need other people in order to get better from bipolar disorder. We form a good strong support system to help us and we let them help us when we need them. We know that we are not alone. So we do get better. With help.

I sincerely hope that Charlie Sheen does not deny that he needs help, nor tries to get better on his own, or he will fail, or may even get worse. I’d hate to see that happen, wouldn’t you? No one deserves that.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele