Bipolar Survivor

I just got back from Date Night with my husband (we have one every Friday).  We went to my favorite used bookstore, out to dinner, and to his teenage daughter’s band concert.  Seems almost “normal,” eh?  Yeah, I feel good today – it was a happy bipolar day.  It’s so wonderful to be able to experience the joy of life (usually found in the simple things) and to know this happiness is real and not a result of bipolar mania.

My husband had a job interview this morning (he has bipolar disorder as well) - his first attempt in five years.  He was really nervous, but he did it.  Whether he gets the job or not is not the point – the real point is that he took a risk and put himself out there, bipolar and all.  He was motivated for the first time in a long time.  See, alot of people don’t realize that bipolar disorder can steal your motivation, like it did to Bill.  You can get so used to not doing anything that it becomes a way of life, and that’s not good.  But now he feels that he is stable enough to try to at least work part time, and I’m so proud of him for trying today.  Like I said, it’s not whether he gets the job or not (although that would be nice), it’s that his self-esteem was improved just by trying.  I feel like he defeated the dragon today, and I’m so proud of him.

Not to change the subject, but just to clear something up:  I was asked in a recent comment if I am a professional writer.  So for those who’ve just found this blog, and don’t know about me, I write for www.bipolarcentral.com professionally.  This is like a dream come true for me, as I wanted to be a writer all my life.  But, like such as is common in life, I was waylaid into a career as a professional office temp, respiratory therapist, and then medical transcriptionist.  It was while I was working as a medical transcriptionist that I fell prey to the bipolar disorder that haunted me all my life yet went undiagnosed until then.

Recovery didn’t come for me overnight, however.  It took two years for me to become really stable and willingly adhere to treatment.  I was still rebellious in the beginning, and would go off my medication so I could feel the manic highs I missed so much.  One day I just had enough of the inevitable crash into depression that naturally followed a manic episode, and I decided I wanted a more stable life – that my life was out of control.  Once they found the right “sanity cocktail” for me and I stayed on my medications, my whole life stabilized as well as my mind.

I’ve been episode-free for years, and can now thoroughly enjoy happy bipolar days like today.  I went from being a woman who tried to kill herself 5 times in my pre-diagnosed years…to being alive and happy with my life today, with never another suicidal thought, even when I go into depressive episodes.

My life now is devoted to helping other people with mental illness not feel so alone.  Because that is what I remember the most from the years I was so sick – that utter despair of feeling like I was all alone.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I knew that something was, because I didn’t feel “normal.”  Accepting the fact that I have bipolar disorder, and realizing in hindsight that it was the reason that life was so difficult for me for so many years, made everything fall into place for me like that final piece that completes a jigsaw puzzle.

I also believe that recovery is possible, and try to encourage everyone I come in contact with who has bipolar disorder that it is only a diagnosis, not a life sentence – there is such a thing as recovery, and I am living proof of it.  If I can achieve stability, anyone can achieve it.  I like the saying, “If you believe it, you can achieve it.”  And I am here to encourage others to reach out for stability.  It’s the closest we ever get to “normal.”

I feel so blessed now.  I have a great job that I love (writing for www.bipolarcentral.com) and that uses my gifts and talent…I am married to my best friend of over 10 years, who also has bipolar disorder…I have my little home in the beautiful mountains of Tennessee…I have restored relations with my 3 grown sons, as well as other family members… and my life is stable today.  I still have a depressed day here and there (never for a reason I can find, so I know it’s the bipolar disorder), but I have been episode-free for a while now.  I know that’s because of my “sanity cocktail” and the other things I do to stay stable.

But God is good.  And He has truly blessed me with a good life, in spite of having bipolar disorder.  If you are struggling today, please be encouraged that God can do for you what he has done for me, because the Bible says that He is “not a respecter of persons” – meaning that He sees no difference between you and me.  You can have what I have.  Just ask Him to give it to you.  Stability could be the greatest gift you receive this Christmas!

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

This entry was posted on Friday, December 11th, 2009 at 10:19 pm and is filed under Opening Post. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.