Hey, Y’all–
Just got done posting a bunch of new posts on the InnerCircleForum. It’s been so long. I hate to be so cliche – but time really does pass so quickly! (when you’re having fun? yeah, but I haven’t exactly been having fun!). So go check it out if you get the chance.
Went to see my therapist yesterday. I’ve been depressed. Really depressed. Not episode-depressed, just woman-type depressed. I told her I’m feeling fat and ugly. I’ve gained 25 pounds since Oct. — since I got married — that’s 25 lbs. in 4 months! Never mind that my doctor says it’s cuz of a thyroid problem. I’m still fat and ugly to me.
So my therapist asks me if I were to draw a circle, what percentage of my depression would be my body/weight? And I tell her 50%. And she asks what about the other 50%? So I say 25% would be my health–lately it’s from one doctor to another, trying to get healthy again. So that leaves 25% unexplainable. I don’t know why, I tell her–why do I have to choose a reason? I’m just depressed!!!!! So she asks me why I don’t tell my psychiatrist, and I say because he’ll just up my medication again, and it’s about as “upped” as I want it to be!
So now I’m thinking, what if this isn’t even a depression? What if it’s just hormones? What if I’m just BITCHY????? Think about it–I just got diagnosed with thyroid problems. I’m already in menopause (and can’t take hormones cuz they give me migraines). Reckon there might be a connection here? Hmmm…so now I’m thinking about this.
Have any of y’all been through this?
I just started reading your blog and I found it very, very informational. I appreciate that. I like Dave’s comments, but to hear info from a real b/polar (not the bear type), is beneficial. Re your comment on gaining weight, I was worried about the same thing, however, I was already somewhat overweight. When I told my psyc. that, he said he wanted me to take Geodon in addition to Lamictal. I hate, I HATE taking meds, but I’m more afraid not to. He said Geodon would help/make me lose weight. So far he’s been right. I’m losing weight and I like that, but I don’t like not having a life. I have to take it at 7pm in order to be up by 5am. That means as soon as I get home I have to start preparing for work the next day and go to bed. I have no life and that hurts. I’m afraid not to take the meds because I fear the depression (which I have most of the time anyway) and afraid of the anger. Do you have any insight in this area, or know of anyone that has been in this position? I surely would appreciate some info other than from my doc, who says I have to take Geodon to get rest and it works along with Lamictal. He’s not my first doc and I do like him, but all the meds scare me. Welbutrin 150 mgs. Lamictal 400mgs., and Geodon 60 (wants me to work up to 80). 60 is almost more than I can handle at this point. Let me know if you can. Regards, cigi