I am struggling with something right now. Well, I guess I am struggling with my faith. I know that the Bible says, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matt. 17:20). I do know I have faith as small as a mustard seed, at least.
So let me tell you what’s going on…
About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD), even though I have NO symptoms. I was diagnosed because I had an elevated creatinine level in my blood.
I get a blood test every 3 months, and 3 years later, my creatinine level is still elevated. But still, I have no symptoms.
I have seen two kidney specialists, and they have both told me that I may never have symptoms, until eventually it will get bad and I will need dialysis (but who knows when that will be).
So I started thinking…
I don’t want this CKD. I don’t want to need dialysis. I believe God can heal me.
So I started asking for God to heal me, and to prove it by my having a normal creatinine level in my next blood test, which was last Thursday.
I even posted the prayer request on Facebook for all my praying family and friends to agree with me in prayer about it, because I believe that whenever two or more agree, the greater the power of the prayer (that it is Scriptural).
So here I was believing…
And the results of my blood test came back yesterday, and my creatinine level was 1.8 (normal is 1.2). Now, that may not seem to be much above normal, but it indicates that I have Level 3 CKD (out of 5 levels).
So it looks like I am definitely not healed. And I am dealing with a great deal of disappointment, to say the least.
I am wondering if my prayer wasn’t answered, or just wasn’t answered AT THIS TIME.
See, I believe that God answers ALL prayers. Sometimes He answers YES, sometimes He answers NO, and sometimes He answers WAIT.
Maybe He is just saying WAIT for me right now. I don’t profess to know the mind of God. All I can do is trust Him, as I always have in the past.
He has never let me down. I may not always have been able to see His plan clearly, at least not while things were happening, but as I look back, I can see that He was working in my life, and things always worked out just the way they were supposed to.
So I don’t dare question His will in this. I have to accept that, at least for now, I have this kidney disease. And to take heart in the fact that at least I don’t have any symptoms, that at least I’m not suffering, or am sick in any way. That is a blessing.
I think, “Lord I believe, forgive my unbelief,” as the Scripture says. And, with my “faith as small as a mustard seed,” I will keep believing that God will heal the CKD in me. I have to believe He will.
Please believe with me.
Wishing you joy and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,