Hey, y’all –
I was just thinking about how different my life has been since I became stable with my bipolar disorder. Things were sure out of control before stability and I finally became friends!
It took awhile for me and my psychiatrist to find the right combination of medications (what I call my “sanity cocktail”) that would keep me from going into episodes all the time.
I was part of the problem, too, though, I have to admit that. I would take the medication for awhile, and then go off it just so I could experience the excitement I felt whenever I went into a manic episode.
Oh, the episodes were great! It was the consequences that weren’t so great. And there were ALWAYS consequences!
Then I would crash into a major depression, and then have to start all over again with the medication merry-go-round.
Well, I finally accepted my bipolar disorder, and began to be willing to do what I had to do to keep it under control. Now, I definitely take my medication religiously, see my doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist on a regular basis, keep a mood chart, eat right and sleep right, and all the other things I have to do to remain stable. Because the alternative is just not acceptable.
But here’s the thing. When I was manic, I thought I was so much smarter, creative, etc. than anyone else! I had these glorious ideas (which of course were just grandiose ideas from the bipolar), one that I even thought would make me a millionaire! Sometimes I even thought I was better than other people.
Oh, but I thought I was happy! I thought mania equalled happiness. But now, in stability, I know what true happiness is (and it’s not going from episode to episode).
I think bipolar disorder does make us different. Many of us are more intelligent and creative than others – they’ve done studies on that.
But I think it makes us different because we are more aware of ourselves, our moods, and situations around us. We have to learn what our triggers are, and how to avoid them. We have to work harder at being stress-free. We have to take medication every day. We have to have routine to keep control.
But I also think that by doing these things, it makes me a better person than I was before. One of the biggest things is that I stopped believing that the world revolved around me. I started to care more about other people. Especially others with bipolar disorder. And I began devoting my life to helping them.
But the biggest thing of all is that I am more grateful for “normal” periods, the people I love and who love me, a job that I love, and the greatest supporter of all – my wonderful husband.
I am so much more grateful for the small things now than I was before. Every day that I go without an episode is a blessing to me.
What about you? Do you think that bipolar disorder makes you different?
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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Very interesting and amusing subject. I read with great pleasure.
I read a few topics. I respect your work and added blog to favorites.
Of course you’re different when you’re bipolar. You won’t ever know what it is to be normal. We have secret lives because the stigma is always too great…..the truth is too harsh. It’s a nightmare, just a missed pill or two away from “crazytown” and embarrassment beyond measure.