Bipolar Survivor

I had someone tell me that she was jealous of me because I am so much further along in the mangement of my bipolar disorder than she is.  I tried to comfort her by sharing that everyone moves at their own pace with this disorder.  You have to remember that it’s been many years since my diagnosis, with working hard every day to learn how to control my bipolar disorder instead of the other way around.

I wasn’t always stable.  I’m still not always stable – I still struggle with depression here and there.  But it isn’t fair to look at my life now and compare it to yours if you are still struggling, thinking that you will never reach stability.  I would encourage you that if you do the things I did (medication, therapy, self-help, support system, etc.) and do them consistently, then you will eventually become stable, too.

We can’t compare ourselves to each other.  Everyone has their own way of doing things, and everything happens in its own timing.  Consistency is the keyword.  If you keep doing what you need to do to maintain stability you will, in fact, maintain that stability.

That is still not to ensure that you will never go into another bipolar episode or experience bouts of non-episodic depression here and there.  Nobody’s perfect, especially not me.  So I would say to this woman, please do not compare yourself to me.  I am just further along in my journey than you are, but you’ll get there.

We may have the same disorder, but there are different types of bipolar disorder.  And the symptoms may manifest themselves differently between different people.  We each have to develop an individual treatment plan and follow it for ourselves, not expecting that someone else’s plan will work for us, or vice-versa.

The main thing is to never give up hope.  If you do compare yourself to me at all, let it be with the hope that someday you will achieve stability like I have.  I’m nobody special.  I haven’t done anything that you can’t do.  I just “walk the bipolar walk,” one day at a time.

So be encouraged.  Stability IS attainable!  Just don’t compare yourself to others.  You will go through your own journey as you need to go through it, and remember that everyone is different.

Even the Bible says that “God’s timing is not our timing.”  Be patient.  And be consistent, doing what is right.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

I am so excited!  I have several Christian books I’ve written that are going to be published and will soon be available to you.  They are encouraging and inspirational and will give you hope while trying to manage your bipolar disorder.  It’s amazing what God can do with us if we’re just willing to be used by Him.

Willingness.  What a topic.  There are so many things that we just don’t want to do sometimes, and it takes everything in us to do them.  Like having to take medication every day, see a psychiatrist and therapist, eat and sleep right, exercise, and everything else we have to do to control our bipolar disorder.

Willingness.  It doesn’t mean that you have to like what you’re doing, just to accept that you have to do it.  Of course, the more willing you are, the better your attitude will be toward what you need to do.

Like, look what God is doing in my life now – compared to where I used to be.  I hated my life, I hated myself, I used alcohol and drugs to self-medicate my bipolar symptoms, I had no thought for the future – I just wanted to get through the pain of today.

Today I am willing to do whatever it takes to manage my bipolar disorder.  I never want to go back to having those mood swings, or pay the consequences of bipolar episodes.

But because I am willing today, I have a positive attitude, I am able to love myself and others, to be productive and healthy.  My life is a very good one, now.

Willingness takes humility, though.  You can’t have things your own way all the time, nor expect to.  It’s like “agreeing to disagree” instead of fighting, even if you know you’re right. 

When other people see the willingness in you, they are more willing to pull for you, too, like your supporter.  I know my husband is always behind me no matter what (he is my primary supporter), but I know he appreciates it more when he sees that I am willing to take care of myself and my own needs.  He is the same way.

Willingness gets you much further than unwillingness does.  When I was unwilling, I had a bad attitude, and everything suffered.  Today I no longer suffer.  And, like I said, life is good.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

This is not going to be a very popular topic, I’ll tell you that up front.  No one wants to think about, much less talk about, pain.  Unfortunately, with bipolar disorder does come the inevitable pain.

Don’t get me wrong, even people without bipolar disorder experience pain in their lives – it’s not just us.  But any way you look at it, it’s unpleasant.

Think about it this way, though — of your memories, which are the ones that stand out the most?  Probably those that involved pain, right?  It’s a real attention-getter!

We are all going to experience pain in this life, there’s no getting around that.  Jesus said, “In this world you WILL have tribulation; but take heart, I have overcome the world.”  Not MIGHT have tribulation (trials, pain), but WILL.

It’s not that it happens to you, it’s what you do with it that counts.  You can just sit and feel sorry for yourself and wonder about why God is picking on you, or you can use the painful situation to grow.

I cannot imagine any other experience more painful than losing my sister to suicide (except maybe the death of a child).  That was some major pain.  And I grieved for a long time.  But eventually, I grew from the experience.  I learned how to make her death count for something.  Now, personally, I am still without my sister, and to this day that is still painful when I think about her and miss her.  But I USED that pain to make things better.  Thousands of people have been touched by my sister’s story.

In A.A., they say that “pain is the touchstone to spiritual growth.”  I believe that.  Although (or maybe because of) our most painful experiences are the ones that teach us the most, it doesn’t make it any easier to get through it when it’s going on.

Like right now, my doctor just switched my medication, and it’s making me agitated and irritable.  Do I like that?  No.  Is there anything I can do to change it (except call my doctor)?  No.  Will it get better in spite of me?  Yes.

That’s the hope we have.  That no matter how painful what we’re going through is, there WILL be an end to it.  Just remember, during those times, that “This too shall pass.”  Just that one phrase has gotten me through many painful trials.

Also remember, you are NOT alone.  God said, “I will NEVER leave you nor forsake you.”  God is with you in the midst of your suffering.  And He doesn’t want you to suffer, any more than you do.  But you have to stand on His promises to get stronger.  Remember, “His strength is made perfect in my weakness.”  And that, “Whenever I am weak, He is strong.” 

No matter how much pain you’re in right now, remember what the Bible says: “No temptation hath befallen you except that which is common to man.  But God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted [tested] beyond your means and with the temptation will provide a way of escape that you may be able to bear up under it.”  God does not expect you to be perfect, to do this alone, or to suffer and fail.  He is there for you in the MIDST of your suffering!

When my sister died, I wanted to die with her.  I found out what the word “suffer” is all about.  I was beyond miserable, I was inconsolable.  It didn’t matter to me that my family was also suffering.  I only cared that *I* was suffering.  And that pain was not getting better with each new day – in fact, it was getting worse, because I was missing her more and more.  Yes, I suffered with losing the twin of my heart.

But people were compassionate toward me.  People understood what I was going through, and they ministered to me.  And I felt comforted.  You are not alone in your suffering – there are others who understand how you feel.

Once I started writing about it (before I was able to talk about it), things started getting better for me.  I no longer wanted to die with my sister.  I saw a purpose for my life.  I realized that pain will change you.  And if you let it, it will change you for the better, because it will make you stronger for having had to experience it.  Then you can turn around and help the next person who is going through what you went through.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele

I’ve been stable for quite awhile now, but those ole racing thoughts still give me trouble.  Many nights I just can’t shut off my brain to get to sleep.  Oh, once I’ve fallen asleep, I’m fine, but it’s the getting to sleep that’s the problem.

I found a solution, though, and wanted to share it with you, because I know alot of people with bipolar disorder struggle with the same thing.

I don’t mean for this to come out like a commercial, but it probably will, so I’ll apologize for that right off.  But there’s a website where I got some relaxation CDs that are working for me really great.  I even wrote a couple articles on the homepage of this website on hypnosis and meditation that you can read.  It’s at: www.goodtapes.com, and the man’s name is Louis P. Bauer, Ph.D.

He’s even got one on losing weight that I’m listening to at night now, because the last medication I was changed to put 35 pounds on me!  NOT a good thing.  But to have both my weight problem and racing thoughts problem addressed at the same time?  Good thing!

He also has one on stress and anxiety reduction that I’ve gotten but haven’t had a chance to listen to yet.  But I’m sure I’m going to like it.   I’m telling you, I have no idea what the end of the CD says, because I’m asleep before the end!  I’m so excited about that, as you can tell.

I normally don’t endorse other people’s products, but in this case, I’m using it myself with success, so maybe you can, too.

I’m waking up better in the morning, too, without that groggy “med hangover” feeling!  My writing is better, and so is my attitude.

Well, that’s all I had for today, just a quick commercial, then off to work!  Hope you’re having a good day.

Wishing you peace and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,

Michele