Today I had a really good day. Of course, any day without a bipolar episode is a good day. And it’s not like anything exciting happened – actually, just the opposite — but I feel good today. I think because I’m feeling better physically, I’m feeling better emotionally as well. I made a couple New Year’s resolutions and I’m sticking to them (so far) – to quit smoking and to lose weight. I’ve now lost 3 lbs. and haven’t had a cigarette for 4 days! Quit, cold turkey (no easy feat, I’ve been smoking off and on since I was 12 yrs old, and I just turned 52 on New Year’s Eve).
Ok, so now I’ve given my age away. No biggie. I certainly don’t feel as old as all that! I started taking a B-complex supplement in addition to my regular bipolar medications, and I think that’s helping with the energy and good mood. At least it’s been consistent for a week now. Boy, I hope this good feeling lasts.
Well, the holidays are over, but I still have that “new year” feeling – like new beginnings. Like I was talking about sticking to my resolutions. See, I had stopped making resolutions, because I never kept them. Especially the smoking – I had totally given up on that. But I decided to practice what I preach to you all the time – about living a healthy lifestyle. It’s no surprise that it’s the way to stay stable, but now I really want to, whereas before I did it just to maintain bipolar stability.
I guess I was starting to feel like I was in that winter slump for awhile there, but now things are better. I still watch myself because, just because I’ve been stable for so long, that doesn’t mean that the dragon isn’t hiding around the very next bend. I always have to be cautious and do the things I need to do to stay stable, sober, and sane, and to be vigilant in watching for bipolar triggers, signs, and symptoms of an oncoming episode, so I can head it off at the pass.
I would never want to go back to those chaotic days where I would rapid cycle and be in episodes bouncing me off the walls, I couldn’t keep up with them. My hold on my emotions and moods was as futile as chasing a firefly in summer. Too difficult to do, and things were out of hand. That’s why I’m so grateful for good days – for ANY day without a bipolar episode. I’m so glad to be episode-free!
But still, I feel bad about the people who write to me who aren’t as stable. I wish I could give this away to every one of them, so they can know the great feeling of stability. Granted, it’s hard fought, but once attained makes your life soooo much better! 
I wish I could give it like a Christmas gift, tied up with a beautiful bow. But all I can do is pray for you and share my experience, strength, and hope with you in the hopes that you will get something out of it.
Anyway, there really isn’t any news today – I just wanted to share my good day with you.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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