Well, I’m down in Florida visiting my parents – grabbed a quick vacation from my busy schedule. It’s great shopping for winter clothes in a place that doesn’t really have winter! I’ve had so much fun shopping the thrift stores, and getting great deals. Being on disability, I have to do some creative financing to be able to go shopping. But since I have lost weight, all my winter clothes are too big. Ok, I’ll tell the truth – it’s just an excuse to go shopping. At least it’s not manic shopping! And I am so grateful for that – that I am balanced and stable, and can go shopping without fear now.
Anyway, my being on vacation gave me a real good topic for today’s post – because bipolar disorder does not take a vacation.
One of the first things I did in getting prepared to come down here was to check all my medications and make sure I would have enough for the whole time I’m down here. Once I went on a cruise and didn’t do that and ran out of one of my prescriptions, and you can’t exactly fill a prescription in the Bahamas! Luckily it wasn’t one of my main meds, so I didn’t even come close to going into an episode, but it sure taught me a lesson.
No, bipolar disorder does not take a vacation. You’ve heard the expression, “Wherever you go, there you are.” So wherever I go I take my bipolar disorder with me. And I have to be extra careful watching myself so that I don’t get TOO excited. Some excitement, yes. Too much – manic episode! And that’s the best way to ruin a perfectly planned vacation.
I also like being here in a place where I don’t have to hide my disorder. My mom has bipolar disorder too, so we’re able to be real with each other. It’s not often that I get a chance to talk about my disorder to someone else who has it, so that has been a real blessing.
It’s also been great just being with my parents. There were several years before I was diagnosed where my bipolar behavior had kind of isolated me from them, so now I cherish the time we do have together. I don’t get to come down very often, because it’s a long drive from TN to FL, so I make the most of it when I can.
So many times I hear people say, “I wish I didn’t have bipolar disorder.” And I feel like saying, “So, who doesn’t?” Because this disorder can cause such havoc in a person’s life until they really get stable. But my mom has diabetes, and she struggles more with that than with her bipolar. She’s been stable for a long time, although her last episode lasted SIX months! It was horrible – she didn’t know that bipolar disorder can “morph,” and change over time. Someone who has never been violent before can all of a sudden become short-tempered and go into a rage.
See, my mom has always had manic episodes. This was her first depressive episode, and it really took its toll on her – especially since it took so much time to get her stabilized. Now she is doing fantastic, though, and even working! (Mom is in her 70′s). She is a demonstrator for Cosco (like Sam’s Club), you know, one of the people who gives you samples of food? And she’s been there for 10 years! Just goes to show you that no matter how bleak it looks, or as much as you may not believe you can get better, you can.
Once I reached stability I also was able to go back to work – I just work from home, which is necessary for me to stay stable. The ole “wherever you go, there you are” of taking my bipolar with me hurts me when I’m around a lot of people – even though they were co-workers, they became afraid of me when I was diagnosed. I even lost my job over it.
But whenever God shuts a door, he opens a window, and I am so grateful to have found my job working for www.bipolarcentral.com. I’ve been there over 4 years now, where before I couldn’t hold a job longer than 6 months. I especially like it because not only do I not have to hide my disorder, but I get the opportunity to actually help other people with the disorder.
Well, I’m going to go back to my vacation in sunny Florida!
Wishing you peace and stability (wherever you go with your bipolar),
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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