I am happy. I have a good life. Now, I’ve had to work real hard at it, doing all the things I have to do to remain stable with bipolar disorder, but I am happy.
Unfortunately, I think you can be TOO happy with bipolar disorder, because it makes you manic, and the next thing you know you’re in a deep manic episode. It’s too much of an extreme, and you become imbalanced.
In other words, there has to be a balance. You just can’t go too far one way or the other (depressed or manic), and you have to be able to control your disorder, instead of it controlling you (dictating your moods, etc.).
I am stable. I take pride in that, because it was hard-fought and won. And it took some time, and a lot of positive energy and optimistic thinking. First, I had to believe I COULD be stable which, at one point, seemed like it could NEVER happen to someone like me, I was that bad.
But I am humble as well. I didn’t get stable all by myself. There were other people who helped me – my support system and the medical and mental health professionals (and the hospitals a time or two).
I am blessed, because I enjoy the fruits of stability – a wonderful and supportive husband, a great marriage, 3 great kids, a home, a car, a job that I love, etc. But I use the word “blessed” instead of “lucky” because I don’t think luck had anything to do with it.
At one point, I questioned my own faith, as I thought God deserted me when I prayed about being healed from bipolar disorder and wasn’t.
But at some point I realized that it is because God did not choose to heal me that I’ve done the most good. This blog (and my two others) for example. And the work I do for www.bipolarcentral.com and NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness).
So I actually give God credit for my stability. What’s the difference between stability and cure anyway? A cure would be never having symptoms again, wouldn’t it? Well, stability is basically the same thing – the absence of bipolar symptoms. Granted, it takes medication for me to be able to be stable, but I don’t mind – it keeps me this side of rationality and sanity!
There was a point when I really struggled with bipolar stability. Back then, I thought I could do it all myself. I found out the hard way that you CAN be TOO happy with bipolar disorder, for example, when I landed in the hospital in a manic episode. That’s how I learned that the key is BALANCE.
Now, I am balanced physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I basically live a stress-free life (by living and working in a stress-free home environment). And I am so grateful for all my blessings.
Because of having bipolar disorder, I am able to help so many people. Between the blogs, the website, and the presentations I do for NAMI’s In Our Own Voice program, I know that my story and insights into the disorder have helped so many other people who might be struggling like I did.
For one thing, I know that many have learned to separate themselves from their bipolar, and not to feel guilty or different or “less than,” just because they have bipolar disorder. And that is SO important! I call bipolar “the dragon,” because it helps me to keep myself separate from the disorder. I AM OK! In spite of the fact that I have this disorder, which at several points tried to take my life.
I also try to give people with bipolar disorder the knowledge that they are not alone. And that stability IS possible! Because if I could do it, as hopeless a case as I was, I believe anyone can do it.
Basically what I’m about is encouragement – whether spiritual or practical. I honestly try to help other people any way I can, especially those with a mental illness or a loved one with a mental illness. Yet God keeps me humble. I can’t take credit for any of it – all I can do is the footwork, He is responsible for the outcome.
And on that note, I wish you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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