I was just reading some of the responses I’ve gotten to this blog, and there are two women who I am particularly concerned about. They are both struggling with suicidal thoughts.
See, this is when I hate the bipolar disorder the most! It is like a dragon, something outside yourself — a real enemy and the stuff of which nightmares are made – that only seeks to destroy you.
Most of the time, we have the emotional energy to fight back. But what about those other days?
Remember the expression, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”?
Well, apply that to bipolar disorder. It will lie to you and tell you that you are weak, that you have no control over it and the thoughts and impulses it sends you. But that is NOT TRUE!
You DO have control. You can fight the suicidal thoughts, remembering in the forefront what you know to be the truth.
When your (bipolar) thoughts tell you that you should kill yourself, you need to remind it (the bipolar disorder, and the thoughts) that a few things you DO know to be true:
1. I am loved.
2. I am NOT alone.
3. I am NOT my disorder.
4. I have my own identity, and that person wants to live.
5. I don’t want to hurt anyone else, and especially not myself.
6. I have good choices I can make, one of them being not to listen to you!
7. This is the bipolar talking, and NOT ME.
8. I choose to live today. I may not “feel” like it, but I choose it anyway.
9. If I am feeling depressed, it’s because of the bipolar, not because life is too overwhelming for me.
10. I WILL FIND SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT HOW I AM FEELING!
I spent way too much time by myself with those angry and suicidal thoughts that many of us get sometimes, and I felt like I had no recourse but to listen to them. As a result, I did damage to myself and those I love.
Nobody told me what I just told you. If you need to print it out in BIG letters, please do so. But somehow make a copy, so that you can remind yourself of the truth when the bipolar lies start.
You are tougher than you think. You just need the right ammunition to fight this kind of battle for your mind and your sanity. Bipolar disorder is a terrible disease that comes with a lot of lies. The only way to fight the lies is with the truth.
If you are feeling suicidal, whether you believe it’s just the bipolar and a lie or not, please talk to someone. Post on here. Write in your journal. But somehow get it through to yourself that you are NOT alone, and that other people with bipolar disorder DO have suicidal thoughts as well.
And never, never forget, that as long as you are reading this blog, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Somebody cares about you and what happens to you, even if it’s only me.
In this case, it’s not the thought that counts, but the action on that thought that counts. Take the right action.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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