I just got back from eating dinner out with my husband, and I am more than stuffed. In fact, I’m “over-full” (can that be?)
You know, I think that bipolar disorder can make you “over-full” as well.
I’ll tell you what I’m talking about, and maybe you can relate. At dinner, I feasted on everything there was to have, and I didn’t stop when I was supposed to. So call that getting my priorities out of whack, because the priority should have been enjoying a nice meal to feed myself, and not gorge like I did! It was just too much at one sitting.
So that’s how I relate it to bipolar disorder – “too much at one sitting,” or overdoing it.
Bipolar disorder is a mental illness that I have. There is no denying that. But it doesn’t have to “over-fill” me. It doesn’t have to “overdo” me.
There was a time when I ate, drank, and slept bipolar disorder. My whole life was centered around it. I identified with my disorder, to my detriment. That’s why I preach so much that “You are NOT your disorder.” Because for awhile I was, yet wondered why I wasn’t gettiing any better.
You have to have a life outside your bipolar disorder. You cannot let it consume you.
It was hard to attain my stability, and I’ll never make light of that. There are certain things I do now to maintain my stability, too. But I don’t overdo it any more. My thoughts aren’t only about the disorder and actively fighting it.
I’m not saying that you ever get past the point of battle with this deadly serious disorder, but after awhile, you stop looking for those battles around every corner.
There was a time when I was afraid to leave my own house, even to do something as mundane as go to the store, because I was afraid I would “act bipolar,” and everyone would stare at me.
Now I know I don’t “act bipolar,” any more than I act like I have low thyroid, which I also have. There’s nobody pointing a finger at me, and nothing to be afraid of.
There is life outside of bipolar disorder! A very good life to be had, in fact.
Even if you’re struggling with it now, I assure you that things will get better. Bipolar symptoms will not be with you 24/7. Yes, you will still have to take medication every day, but this is part of your treatment. In fact, I give medication the credit for much of my stability. But so what? I take it in the morning when I get up, and at night before I go to sleep. I don’t have to think about it during the day.
My bipolar disorder no longer rules me like it once did. I do have a life outside of my disorder. I do also still have “bad bipolar days,” but for the most part, I live as normal a life as anyone else.
And I’ll tell you something else that comes with stability — peace of mind. I am no longer afraid of my disorder. I am no longer afraid to go out in public. I am no longer afraid to be the real me. And the real me has a mental illness called bipolar disorder.
But now there IS a me. Before I was only my disorder. Now I am just a person who happens to have bipolar disorder. It does NOT define who I am. I am still me. That’s the freedom that stability has given me.
If bipolar disorder is making you “over-full” right now, if it feels as if it’s consuming you, just continue to do the right things and wait. Your time will come, and you will reach stability, too.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
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