Hey, y’all –
Recently I had a day that was so totally draining for me that I ended up in bed at 8 pm, exhausted. Not because I had done something physically challenging, but I was emotionally exhausted from having dealt with other people’s problems all day.
Now, I’ll admit up front that I have to take at least the lion’s share of responsibility for this, because I allowed it to happen. But, in retrospepct, I can see many things I could have done differently – things that I have learned the hard way that needed to be changed in order to maintain both my sanity and my stability with my bipolar disorder. Like shortening the length of my phone calls, for one thing.
Many people are like me, bipolar or not – we like to feel needed. And I have a sincere desire to help other people – the problem is that sometimes it’s to a fault; to my own detriment, and that puts my stability in jeopardy.
For example, let’s talk about the day I referred to at the beginning of this post.
I think I got phone calls from everyone I know! And each one needed someone to talk to (me) about their problems, etc. Some took up quite a bit of my time on the phone, too.
I wanted to help everyone, so I listened to all their problems, gave advice where I could, and understanding and support where I couldn’t.
After the phone calls, they all felt better, but I felt as if there were a great burden on my shoulders. And that was my mistake.
It’s hard enough trying to manage our own bipolar disorder and our own problems. Trying to take on anyone else’s is sure to mess with our stability. Compassion is one thing, but carrying their burdens for them is quite another thing.
For a long time I have had a “God Box,” where I would write down the prayer request and put it in there, which signified that I was giving the problem (person) over to God’s care, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. It’s a simple little box, nothing fancy, just enough to hold my prayer requests.
Obviously, I had neglected this, or I wouldn’t have had the day that I did. But after that day, I did put everyone’s problems on pieces of paper and put them in my God Box, so I no longer have to carry the burdens. Now I only keep what is mine – my own problems (and I even put those in the God Box!).
Whether you use a God Box, pray to release the burdens from you, meditate, journal, or whatever method you use… you need to release other people’s burdens and only keep what is yours.
When we take other people’s problems on ourselves, it can be dangerous to our own stability. It can cause unneeded worry, stress, and anxiety. We have to let other people own their own problems. We have enough of our own just trying to manage our disorder and maintain our stability.
I’m not saying not to be compassionate or not to be a good friend, spouse, parent, etc., not in the least. I am saying there is a difference between offering support and taking those problems on as your own. It’s very important to let go of problems that are not your own, however you do it.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Michele
