There’s a big difference between being a bad person and doing bad things. Bipolar disorder does not make you a bad person. However, its episodes can sometimes make you do bad things.
When my children were little, I went to great pains to make a distinction between who they are and what they did. For instance, they may have done a stupid thing, but that doesn’t mean that THEY were stupid, and I wanted them to know that. There was a real difference there.
One has to do with what you do, and the other has to do with your character. If someone attacks your character, it can really hurt. Like in my child’s case, maybe what they did was stupid, but if someone called them stupid, that would be different – that would be an attack on their character, and that would hurt their feelings.
That’s what we have to fight all the time with our bipolar disorder. That’s why it’s so important to make the distinction between being bipolar and having bipolar disorder. You don’t want to be identified with your disorder – you want your identity to be a separate thing. Remember, you are NOT your disorder!
You are first and foremost a person, and only secondly are you a person with a mental illness.
Say you do something wrong while you’re in a bipolar episode. It’s not YOU that is wrong, but something you DID that is wrong, and you only did that because you have bipolar disorder.
Most likely, you never would have done it if you didn’t have bipolar, right? That’s why there has to be a distinction there between the real you and the disorder.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have to take responsibility for the things you do, because you should, but I’m just saying that you shouldn’t let yourself be torn up by guilt over them. Just ask yourself, “Would I have [done whatever] if I weren’t in a bipolar episode?” Then forgive yourself.
Bipolar disorder does not make you a bad person, but you still have to deal with the bad things you do because of it sometimes. There are consequences to everything that you do, sometimes negative ones.
Just remember that there is a difference between what you do during a bipolar episode and what you would normally do. Take responsibility for what you do during an episode and make up for it, but don’t let it ruin the rest of your life.
Wishing you peace and stability,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Great post!