There was a time when bipolar disorder was a dark shade against my window of the world. But eventually, I got better. Now I believe that my bipolar disorder is really a blessing in disguise.
I was working as a medical transcriptionist when I lost it and had to be hospitalized, where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
One of the biggest problems is that I was a workaholic. And a perfectionist. And the two don’t go too well together for your mental health, if you know what I mean. I was bound to crash at some point.
I expected too much from myself. Way more than other people expected of me or that I would ever expect from someone else. So I broke.
Sometimes I think that the bipolar disorder was a great big STOP sign for me. It made me stop and take a look at how I was living and that I wasn’t taking care of myself, working too hard, having the wrong priorities, etc.
I lost my job because of the bipolar disorder, but today that is a blessing, because I’m able to work from home in a stress-free environment, which the hospital absolutely was not. I can work around my “bad bipolar days” and do work that I love. Here’s what I’m talking about — I was very good at being a medical transcriptionist, but I didn’t love it. It makes a big difference when you are doing what you love — and getting paid for it!
Plus, I’m able to be myself. I don’t have to worry about what people think, or trying to hide my bipolar disorder. I had to do a lot of self-examination because of the BP, and I have grown and emerged a stable person who is very happy with her life.
Because I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was able to go on Disability, which provides a fixed income for me. The work I do for www.bipolarcentral.com is just ice cream on the cake (you’re allowed to make a certain amount above Disability, because it’s certainly not enough to live off).
My self-esteem has improved tremendously. I never realized how much that job was really stressing me out and taking its toll on me.
Now that I’m not there any more, I am so much more relaxed, content, and stable, and can concentrate on what I really want to do – help people; specifically people with a mental illness.
Tonight I am giving another talk for NAMI’s In Our Own Voice program, where I will tell my story and try to encourage other people with a mental illness that they are not alone, and that recovery is possible. I always call it my “putting a face on mental illness.”
Too many people think a diagnosis of bipolar disorder is a death sentence – whether because it has no cure (yet) or because it is a kind of death to the life you lived before you got diagnosed. I’ll take the latter, thank you very much. I didn’t realize how off-kilter my world (and me) really was.
Bipolar disorder makes me look at myself every day and like what I see. I take care of myself now. I am more careful in my decision-making. I have a strong support system (where before I was too busy overworking that I never had friends or any down time – I took all the overtime I could get, even on Sundays).
Now I am not just mentally and emotionally stable, but I am spiritually fit as well. I didn’t even have time for God in my life before — I was too busy being that workaholic. It’s like I was on a train to self-destruction.
Luckily I was diagnosed properly and put on medication that helps me to be who I am today, and keeps me stable. Don’t get me wrong – I still have a responsibility in my stability. I have to take my medication, avoid triggers, watch for signs of an episode, avoid stressful situations and toxic people, make sure I get a good night’s sleep, go to see my doctor, psychiatrist, and therapist regularly, etc.
But my life now is so much better than it was before. I really believe that bipolar disorder was a blessing in disguise.
What about you? Can you see how bipolar disorder may really be a blessing for you?
Wishing you peace and stability,
Michele
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Hmm… I read blogs on a similar topic, but i never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and i’ll be your constant reader.
Are you a professional journalist? You write very well.
I added your blog to bookmarks. And i’ll read your articles more often!
I’ve really enjoyed reading your articles. You obviously know what you are talking about! Your site is so easy to navigate too, I’ve bookmarked it in my favourites
great post as usual .. thanks .. you just gave me a few more ideas to play with
its nice to see someone escaped their old self and harnessed their mind. i was depressed for about a month, and finally crept out a few days ago. i was finally able to force myself to stop taking drugs like marijuana, cigarettes, coffee and reduce my alcohol intake. it was not easy, and there is no end in site, but i have reached the other side.
i like how i can think deeply and have intense passion, but the depression is really crappy. i can look back and take a deep breath. i wanted to abandon all of my goals while i was depressed, and now i want to attack the world just like i did in high sschool again, kinda like you. im a med student as well, and sometimes i think i put way too much pressure on myself, but i dont think being ambitious is a bad thing
could you give some advice to a 21 year old kid in college? i find talking to a counsellor really helps, and i dont want to get on any medicine
Hi, Dave –
It sounds like you are doing pretty well on your own – I don’t know what I can add to it, except that you might want to be prepared to go on medication if you have to. Medication is good at controlling the mood swings and keeping you on an even keel. It’s great that you’re going after your goals, that’s really important when you’re dealing with bipolar disorder. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, though, as that can be a trigger to a bipolar episode. Being ambitious in itself is not a bad thing, but if it draws you too far to the manic side (or depressed side, for that matter), it can be harmful to you. Good luck at school! Hope to hear from you again.
Blessings,
Michele
Well written, well done!