Hey, y’all –
I’m in the process of moving, and when I was looking for a new place, I had a strange experience with the prospective landlady about my bipolar disorder.
I guess I must just be spoiled, but I’m very open about having bipolar disorder, and often share about it with other people. I can’t even remember the last time I got a negative response. But when I told her that I work for BipolarCentral.com as a writer, she gave me a funny look and asked me, “Are you bipolar?”
I told her, “Yes, I am. That’s why I write for that website, trying to help others with it.”
And she gave me the strangest look, followed by a long pause. The pause was so uncomfortable that I spoke up and said, “But I’m very stable and have been for a long time.” Although later I thought maybe that sounded defensive, and I hate to be like that – we shouldn’t have to defend ourselves or apologize for having bipolar disorder. I wonder if she would have given me that same look if I had mentioned that I have diabetes?
There’s an expression that says, “You may be the only Bible that someone will ever read.” Well, applied in this case, we may be the only person with bipolar disorder that someone ever meets. And that’s why I decided that it wasn’t that I needed to be defensive about it, but that maybe this woman had never met anyone with the disorder before.
We have to be very well-educated about the disorder, so that we can teach others. Perhaps if this woman had been more forthcoming, or asked me questions about my bipolar disorder, I would have had an opportunity to be a good example of someone with the disorder, to maybe dispel some of her ignorance and fear (and distrust?).
I consider myself a person first, and a person with bipolar disorder second. Unfortunately, not all of society sees it that way — yet.
What is most important is stability. The more stable I am, the better an example I can be.
Sometimes we’re the students (learning about BP), but sometimes we’re the teachers as well. We have to teach our families and friends, and sometimes we may even have the opportunity to educate others about bipolar disorder. We just need to be stable and ready for the opportunity if it happens.
Because my disorder is so well-managed, I’m usually told that you couldn’t tell I even have bipolar disorder if I didn’t tell you. I know it’s a personal choice whether to tell people or not, but still be ready to be a “teacher” if you’re called upon to be. At least try to be a good example.
Wishing you peace and stablity,
Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele
Hi Michele,
Sorry I have not been around for awhile. My internet has been down for a few months. I am doing okay. Well that is a lie. I have to call my doctor tomorrow and either talk to him or make an appointment. I am biting everyone’s head off and feel myself slowly going crazy again. I take my meds faithfully. I am not sleeping well lately. This ll tarted last week when I had to admit my husband for the weekend. He refuses to take his meds and tried to kill himself. We got him back on meds and convinced to tke them. He was three hours away and we were broke. My stress meter exploded and I have never been able to hande the slightest amount of stress very well. He is home now and doing better.
I had the procedure to remove the ccnerous cells from my cervix and am waiting for the biopsy results which ewill tell us if she got it all. I also found out that I have a precancerous disease of the esophagus that will eventually become cancer reguiring the removal of that part of my throat. Everything is just piling up on me and I feel like I am sufficating.
I wish it would just stop. I need a break.
Love
Melissa
Hi, Melissa –
Glad to have you back with me. I’ve been concerned about you. Thank you for being honest about how you’re really doing – it doesn’t help to keep it all inside, where it can fester and do even more damage to us. I’m glad to hear that you’re still taking your medications faithfully, but concerned about your other behaviors. If it were me, I would be calling my doctor, too. At least you’re conscious of it, which is a big step, and a mark of someone who knows their own bipolar disorder.
Sorry to hear about your husband but, as you know, I have been there. I had to put my husband in the hospital when he started hallucinating and I was no longer sure that he was safe. So you did the right thing.
Regarding your high stress levels, remember to practice what you’ve learned about handling stess, the simplest of which is “Just Breathe.” It doesn’t matter how many times you have to do it, but Just Breathe. Do it until you feel calmer and more able to handle all these things that have come up against you.
And on top of all that, you’re dealing with your own serious health issues. You sure do have a lot on your plate. It can seem like everything happens at once sometimes, and we do get overwhelmed, which is what I imagine you’re feeling right now.
The important thing is that you take all your medications, do what the doctor tells you to do, and do everything you have to do in order to ensure your stability.
Without being stable yourself, you won’t be any good to your husband. He should be in a space soon where he can help you, but until then you need to stay stable so you can help both of you.
You said, “Everything is just piling up on me and I feel like I am suffocating.” Boy, do I know that feeling well. Almost as if I can’t breathe, you know? But that’s exactly when I do “Just Breathe.”
Honey, you can only deal with one thing at a time. Separate everything out into its own compartment, so that you can handle them.
And protect your stability at ALL costs! Keep me posted, and let me know what happens.
In the meantime, PRAY! And know that I am praying with you.
Blessings,
Michele