Opening Post

Always Be Yourself

Well, my mom is back in the hospital again. She had gotten out and was in a rehab facility, but she became anemic and her blood pressure dropped to 30 so she fell down and hit her head, and they had to call 911.

Remember, this woman is 80 years old, too, so she was a little bit out of it as far as cognition goes, so they put her back in the hospital right away. They don’t mess with blood pressure that low.

Two days later, they were still having problems stabilizing her blood pressure and controlling her anemia.

I tell my husband that it’s ok, that I’ll be all right if she dies this time (I say this every time she is hospitalized), because in my heart I said goodbye to my “real” mom a long time ago. But still, she is my mom, even though she hasn’t been herself for years now. And I will still grieve when she does finally die.

In the midst of all these physical things that just keep plaguing her, she has been in a bipolar episode for months. I would say she is manic, except that every time she talks to my youngest brother on the phone, she cries. So I guess I would have to say she is in a mixed episode, which is new for her, because she usually goes into manic episodes.

The thing is, she is more “not herself” even than she usually is, which makes it really hard for me to talk to her on the phone. It’s not Alzheimer’s, or even maybe not dementia, but just her mania I think.

When she becomes manic, she becomes almost childlike, talking a mile a minute, and jumping all over the place, never keeping to one subject, so it’s really hard to follow the conversation. I try to keep her on track and direct her back on topic, but it hardly ever works, or if it does, it doesn’t work for long.

So if you’ve got an extra prayer or two, please say it for my mom, ok? Let’s hope she recovers soon.

Anyway, I sold some things at the indoor flea market this past weekend, and it was a blast! I love to people watch (It’s one of my favorite things to do), so I was in the perfect environment for it.

So there was this man who walked by my booth, and he had on this bright, almost fluorescent, pink shirt and tie! And all I could think was, “This must be the world’s most confident man!”

Then there was this old woman on a scooter. She had this gawdy outfit on, but that wasn’t the best part – she had on a huge Mad Hatter’s hat, and it was all silver glitter! Talk about your self-confidence!

The point is, these people were screaming, “This is me – deal with it!” And I so admired them. I wished I could be so self-confident and ok with being me.

So I would like to say to you, bipolar or not, take your cue from these two people I saw at the flea market this weekend, and always be yourself!

Wishing you joy and stability,

Remember God loves you and so do I,
Michele

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