Bipolar Disorder Threat Against Me Revealed What do you think?
Hi,
Hope you’re doing great today.
You’re probably doing better than this guy that wrote me the following post on my blog (I hope it doesn’t offend you – it’s pretty bad):
“David – take me off your mailing list immediately. Your post concerning forums was completely over the top and self-serving. You are trying to make money off the problems people have and as far as I am concerned you are a completely sick individual who will have a special place in hell. I’ll pray that you gain some morality and avoid that, however you at the present time are a greedy, depraved individual and I want no more of your disturbing trash in my mailbox. Further, I will post a warning against your name and your “programs” on my site and on every other site with which I correspond,and those are many. I fervently hope you go broke! No one deserves it more!”
-Jeremy
———————————————————————-
WOW! That is one angry man!
I’ve gotten posts like this before, and hate mail, even threats on my life (I’ve reported them, don’t worry), but this is a really bad one. So much hatred out of one man, I can’t believe it.
I just wrote him back that I was sorry he felt that way, that I would pray for him and that I forgive him. I mean, what else could I say? Anything else would be defending myself against obviously untrue allegations.
I have no idea what this person’s situation is. Some who work for me that have bipolar disorder think he could. Others who work for me, say he is just mad at the world and taking it out on me. We don’t know.
I have however received messages like this from people who have had bipolar disorder and gone off their medications. If you have been on my list for at least 3 months you’ll remember that I was getting many death threats from the same few people. Finally they went into treatment. How I know? I spoke to their loved one’s who were supporting them.
When you go off your medication and have bipolar disorder you do and say some really terrible things.
Some people become very violent, like several people on my list in the past . This person is violent with his words.
What triggered this person’s comments to me?
I believe he’s talking about the daily email I wrote about where I talked about how you can’t listen to forum posts where they just complain, or where they tell you what to do, and I talked about the military man I knew who said that it’s like going to a forum to learn how to be a soldier and fight in Iraq.
How could he get this angry over that? I don’t understand it. How could he say that was self-serving? How could he get that out of that?
As far as me making money off the problems people have, just ask any of the people I have helped. I have over 8,000 (maybe 10,000 we stopped counting at 8,000)
testimonials from people who have written me thanking me for the courses/systems I sell that have helped them as supporters and their loved ones who have bipolar disorder. And I get more and more each day.
I’m not a gazillionaire. I don’t even pay myself a salary! The money I do make goes into paying the people who work for me and into new courses/systems to help even more people “who have problems.” (like this guy says)
SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11
SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
http://www.bipolarparenting.com
HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?
Visit:
Also, ask anyone who works for me.
I employ several people who have disabilities, some even with more than one. Many who have bipolar disorder themselves. These people couldn’t work for “regular” businesses.
Other businesses wouldn’t hire them because they had bipolar disorder or another disorder. They’re able to work for me, first because I was willing to give them a chance that other businesses wouldn’t, but also because I gave them the opportunity to work from home that they couldn’t get anywhere else.
Does that sound like a “completely sick individual who will have a special place in hell”? (what that guy said in his post) That really hurt me, until I reminded myself that he is exactly the type of person that I am trying to help. He is a very sick man. He is a very sick man. Like the people who work for me said, maybe in a manic episode, and very angry. He’s just taking his anger out on me.I am not greedy, like he accused me of being. If I was, there would be no new courses for people like you to help you manage your problems and your loved one’s bipolar disorder.
I come out with new material all the time to help people. If I was greedy, I’d be making all this money, and it would go to me (and I would be that gazillionaire) instead of programs to help people with disorders like bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder and schizophrenia.
There wouldn’t be any daily emails, and there sure wouldn’t be bipolarcentral.com.
If this weren’t so sad, it would be laughable.
But you’re a supporter, and you know this isn’t a laughable thing. Maybe even your loved one has acted like this, and it isn’t funny.
Without medication, a person with bipolar disorder can have distorted thinking, and say things like this man did. That’s why I can’t even be offended by his words. I can only feel sorry for him. Just like I would for your loved one.
Empty threats. Nasty threats, but empty threats. That’s all they are. They would normally hurt my feelings, but I understand them.
Without medication, and/or when someone with bipolar disorder is not stable, or in an episode, they can act like this.
So if your loved one does act like this, like goes off their medication or does go into an episode, although it may seem like they’re directing their anger at you, it’s probably just the bipolar disorder talking.
Hey I have to run. I am probably going to the park today with my Goddaughter Anna. Tomorrow I am going hiking. I just got a new camera and I will be taking photos. I am working on a better system to take photos and post them so you can see. What do you think of what this guy said?
FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT ME
Visit: http://www.bipolarcentral.com/testimonials
David Oliver is the author of the shocking guide “Bipolar Disorder—The REAL Silent Killer.” Click Here to get FREE Information sent via email on how and why bipolar disorder kills.
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Dear Dave,just to let you know,some times take advice from yourself,don’t let other people’s comments affect you so.the more people talk the more you are moveing in the right direction,take the nagative hits and keep on moving.they don’t have enough power to shut you down or turn away the millions of people you have helped,or that will come forth becaue of these coments,they are just making your job easier,so stay strong,for the wind of change make you stronger.nay sayser and rock throwers can’t change what or replace what you are doing anyway,so keep in stride.thank them for their comments for they are a perfect example of the work you are doing and a great example of why you do.God bless you,for what is meant for evil,god turns around for the good for those who believe.I am one of those people that you help the work that you do,is much need,so unless someone can replace it with something better.don’t worry about negative comments.
Hello Dave,
What an awful, hateful email.. I myself have bipolar and have been on the wrong meds before and had similar outbursts toward my friends and family who still believe i am not on the correct meds. I love your free emails, etc.. and feel you do a GR-8 deal to help ALL of us with one disorder or another.. PLEASE keep up the good work as I read them everyday and they help me to make it through the day… You truly are a great asset to all of us…
what a freaking loon.you dont tell people there going 2 hell 4 helping people.he feels terrible.ABOUT HIS SELF.but God will forgive him.i hope.
Hey Mr Oliver pay this person no mind as any body knows we all have a esposide when we dont take our meds so take it like water to ice let it roll off your shoulder we know he was in one of his mode he’ll get over it and think about what he said especially trying to direct you to hell thats not nice at all anyway keep up the good work .
This mini course is a blog for David Oliver. I believe he needs lots of reasurrance from everybody. Which isn’t a bad thing. But if your offering mini course then offer a mini course.
Remember, Dave – “Sticks and stones…”but it sounds in your case, that you’re taking this person MUCH too seriously. He probably is just another bipolar survivor who got messed up with what you wrote, and, having no one else to talk to or vent about, went for your jugular, so to speak, to make HIMSELF feel better. As you know from the above 53 comments – there are LOTS of us bipolar people who derive sympathy and knowledge from your emails, and have made us better people in the long run.
So – just “take it with a grain of salt,” and move on – get that – MOVE ON. You can TRY and keep the vitriolic posts to yourself, so they don’t offend any of the others who read your daily emails; just “toughen up your skin,” and “delete, delete, delete;” I guarantee THAT will make you feel better!
BIG HUGS to all bipolar survivors and those who love us. May God bless you real good.
Dave, after reading this post, I felt it was time to breifly tell you about my success story that YOU made possible.
My 40 year old daughter had suffered years with a medically induced form of BP. She was committed 3 times and finaly gave in to our demands. We hauled her and as many belongings as we could get 1000 miles and got her into a competent Doc. She’s been episode free for these 2 years, healthy, happy and wise. well….
Anyways, she is now a mother of the most precious baby girl and we are estactically happy, knowing we’ve saved her life. She is also a happy person, finaly. She lost her home and lots of other things, but she’s regained a life.
I honestly could not have, would not have done it without your study program! If I hadn’t known how to get help for her, learned how & why to be insistant with Drs, hosiptals & police departments, she would be dead. I mean it. There is no doubt about this.
I just thought that after reading that silly email from some poor misguieded soul that I should tell you our story.
Hope this helps.
Bless you and all you do.
CherylAnne
I really appreciate being able to learn from your e-mails. Please keep it up. I was not familiar with bipolar until I started reading your material. My children and I have been on the receiving end of much verbal, emotional abuse and threats from my husband. I did not know what was happing to us. No one would believe us, they only saw the “perfect” side of him. Boy behind close doors…… It does not look like he will get help, at least I can read material that expresses much of what we have experienced. His mom feeds into the problem and blocks helping him. So I have felt very alone and isolated. At least I can have an idea of what is going on, even though there is no diagnosis. The “mean” response you received , is no where near the level of mean we experience off and on. I have gain much strength and understanding from you.
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
Dave….I think it is so sad when people are so narrow-minded and can’t see whenn someone is trying to help others. I think it is admirable what you are doing. I have so much respect for what you have been thru with your Mum. I am living the horrow story with my son. He was diagnosed with Bipolar about 2 yrs ago. It has been a nitemare…al thru the juvenile court syatem…having been called every name in the book by judges and other who know nothing about mental health. At present my son, is in a county jail in Texas, in lock-down because someone tried to steal his food…and he fought back. they won’t do a psych eval because …they have heard it all before and it is just an “excuse”…thnak God for people like you …who take the time to care and try to get info out there for eveyone…you give us strength to keep going…you are a blessed man..thanx….Heather
Everyone has probably said what I may have to say here. But I am glad that you are willing to share what is happening to you. I don’t always respond every time. But for this subject matter I can see that there are needs that all have at one time or another. I am glad that you are able to help so many people and that they can afford to buy into the program. I am not able to do that. So I can only read what you have available for free with no extra costs. I do send this to one who has told me that what is sent is appreciated. So I am glad to be able to assist in that small way. It is good to know that you are making wise use of the support that is sent in, for the benifit of others so they can live and have a home. The Lord knows those who are doing their best in service to help others. I do hope that you have faith in the LORD Jesus Christ, for all that you are trying to do to help others.
Hi Dave:
It is pretty strong but when you are publicly exposed this kind of thing is going to happen. This guy obviously needs help.
I think the work you are doing is amazing. I don’t see you in the light this individual sees you because you are sending me the mini course and that’s absolutely free.
You have done a lot of research and if you were to get a salary for yourself so what? Every laborer is worthy of a salary. So keep doing what you are doing and God bless you for caring. We need more people in the world like you….Evelyn
Carmon, you said, “what a freaking loon.” I don’t think this is appropriate language for a blog that is visited by people with BP who are are trying to shed the image of being labeled “loons”!!!
I would add it does us no credit for assuming anyone who does not share our positive views about David must be mad! It smacks of the old Soviet view that anyone who opposed Communism must be mad, which was the excuse for throwing many dissidents into mental hospitals and pumping drugs them full of drugs for no good reason.
I think that the guy who threatened you is a lunatic. I am worried that this kind of behavior will be something I will be going through. I am going to on line college, I am studying psychology. I want to help people. Finally but not least, I am manic depressive, bi polar and suffer ADAH. I believe that your emails have helped me a bunch. I look forward to the emails each and everyday. I maybe one of the success stories. But I could not do it alone. I do everything people do with the help of God, my wonderful husband, my loving children, myself and you. Again thank you for being there, thank you for the emails, thank you for being a friend. I know I speak for a lot of people when I say: “Love you Dave, keep up the good work.”
David what Jeremy was talking about in the email is pretty much every link you enclose in emails is wanting someone to buy something. It gets annoying.
Hi david I just wanted to say people are only happy when they hear or get what they want people never look at the other possibilities. I myself suffer from bipolar I always start then stop my meds iam not in denial I just wish I was dead somethimes so I wouldn’t have to go thru this anymore or put my family thru so much my story in brief is I was going to school to become a doctor I wanted to leave my husband I had an affair got my car repo max credit cards snapped in anger tried to kill my husband lost everything there is not one day that goes by that I don’t hate my life even my children say that I use to be a doctor I do a lot of reading I write your emails down in a book I know what the problem is its just so hard to get thru but thanks for all the information you give it helps me understand more so thank you hope your mom is doing well:)
I think this guy has nothing else to do with his time but complain. Besides who say’s people HAVE to buy your courses. I have been a subscriber for about a yr and have never once been pressured into buying anything. That man needs to get a life!!!!! Dianne .
Dave;
Don’t let it worry you! Jeremy obviously has some major problem or problems. I find your comments and newsletters very helpful. Both myself and my wife are bipolar. Neither one of us is on any medication for it. We were. We both have stopped taking any meds for bipolar disorder and we are very happy. She has unexplained Grand Mal Seizures and I have a host of physical diseases like Spinal Arthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, HBP, and history of stroke. I always learn something new from your newsletters. Keep up the good work and God Bless!–Carl
This man sounds just like me a few weeks ago until I went to a new physicrist and was diagnosed with bi polar disorder. I have asked some of my physicians that had diagnosed me with depression if maybe I was bi polar and they all dismissed my question as being unreal. I had problems with loosing my tmeper and also saying hurtful things to people. This man said I have been on the wrog medications and using the wrong techniques for years. When I told him that sometimes when I get depresside I sometimes go way below basment level and need a shovel to even get to basement level. Also hav spent money that has caused my self and others great problems.
Am niow retired and wishing had saved some of the money that I so foolishly spent on things that I could have done without.
This is one person that wishes that I could afford your classes. When you are physically ill you look for help in lots of different places so why not when you are having problems with thought process. People are still afraid to admit that they, not the rest of the worls has a problem. Do know that you have to learn to like yourself before others can. This is a dificult thing when you have depression or bipolar disorder.
Thank God that I finally got a correct diganoses.
Just knowing helps am going to therapy and trying to learn a different way of setting goals and gaining some sanity in my life.
Dear Dave, This guy sounds very angry. Maybe he never has had drugs and is just plain angry at the whole world. If he talks to you this way who else is he talking to like this. If he has a wife I feel sorry for her. You can imagine the hell she would be living in. Someone needs to reach this guy and get him some help to help him recognize that he has a fixable problem if he is willing to do his part.
First, I want to congratulate Graham on a very intelligent and insightful blog post. I hope that Dave and the bloggers read your post. You were spot on.
Dave, why do you put these letters up as your daily e-mail? What is your purpose in writing the e-mails? I thought it was to give bits of information about bipolar disorder, with thoughts for bipolar supporters.
What have you taught us today? Many, many times you have written e-mails telling us about what people have said or done that make you mad.
What does that teach us? Can’t you have the self-confidence to manage those things on your own? It really feels like you’re seeking praise and gratitude and reassurance from the people on your mailing list – and, boy,
do you get it! With only a few exceptions, people fell all over themselves to thank you and encourage you and praise you; many even felt so bad for you and told you not to be upset, etc., said they’d pray for you…
The definition of blog (verb) is “to transmit thoughts or feelings.” Not just the positive ones, but whatever a person is thinking. On any blog I’ve ever gone on (political, YouTube comments, etc.), there are always several differing points of view and some are downright rude. But it’s a free country, and a person is entitled to feel, think and write what they want to.
Of course there are exceptions. Profanity should not be tolerated (though I have seen some of that on other blogs). Certainly threats of violence are unacceptable… I’ve never seen such a posting on your blog.
Usually, the person who runs the website has set up security for himself because people do have strong feelings (for example, I would hope that no one on the blog would have any way of knowing where you live).
The man who made this comment was obviously very angry, vindictive, and doesn’t have a very high opinion of you. He didn’t swear, and he didn’t threaten you (except to say that he was going to say negative things about you on other websites, which is his right). He said he wants to unsubscribe, which is what he should do. But if he disagrees with you or has opinions about you, he has a right to those opinions. There’s no possible way to tell if he’s bipolar, on medications or not. Just because someone is not a fan of yours doesn’t make him mentally ill.
There have been times when you have said things that have angered me.
For example, several times you have said things that I felt were condescending to people who have bipolar or other mental illnesses. It irks me that you have the link at the bottom of your e-mail everyday that says, “See what people are saying about me.” What does that have to do with anything? Hundreds of comments of people praising you and thanking you, etc. Is it really appropriate to put that on your daily e-mail? People can form an opinion about you themselves by reading your e-mails and mini-courses (or full courses, if they can afford them). It seems to me that you talk too much about your employees (and you’re always certain to say that most of them have one or more disorders), and the problems you have with them sometimes. Dave, that’s just not professional.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that you’re only in this for the money, but in every single e-mail you have links to your courses, and often you send special mailings to talk about courses you’re selling on bipolar and addiction, bipolar and spirituality, bipolar and financial… I mean, this stuff gets sent out ALL the time.
I don’t get so angry that I would write in the terms that this man used. But I do think that bloggers should be able to say how they feel, whether it’s positive or negative. That’s only fair.
My advice to you is that you should have enough confidence in yourself that you wouldn’t get so overly upset about a blog posting like the one you talked about today. Deal with it yourself, with your staff and friends, but don’t burden the people on your mailing list with it. It really looks like you’re begging for praise and for reassurance. I personally would like to see more e-mails that are a bit more professional, dealing with some aspect of bipolar disorder or information for bipolar supporters. If you believe in what you’re doing, if you’re comfortable with your motives, you shouldn’t be so bothered. In any field, there are going to be people with differing opinions, and even with anger. You shouldn’t let that threaten you so much.
And perhaps you should have another site where you post any job offerings; so many people get excited thinking they may get a job with you, when really the idea of your daily e-mails is giving information.
These are my thoughts in response to today’s e-mail, and I’m not being abusive, threatening, or profane. I hope I’ll see it posted on the blog.
Suzanne, I think you are right that this is the nub of the problem the guy has – everything else flows from that.
I think the “solution” may be to divorce the sales pitches from the daily email – i.e. no advertising or links in the daily email to product purchases, but sending the sales pitch ads under a separate cover – i.e. a different mailing.
DAVE, It seems most obvious to me that Jeremy was in an episode when he wrote that. I know it is extremely unpleasant to be spoken to like that, especially when being threatened with having your website closed down, being reported to all sorts of authorities, etc. I’m sure you know yourself from your own experience that it is all just talk and arguing or even trying to reason with someone in a bipolar episode is like shouting back at someone on tv when you don’t agree with what s/he is saying. My boyfriend said some extremely unpleasant things to me when in an episode and off his meds. He also kept ranting that he was going to have all sorts of shops, pubs and even tv stations closed down because they were working against God. He was going to make sure that his doctor and his psychiatrist were reported to the highest authority to be struck off, as they were in league with the devil. etc. etc. etc. Now that he is stabilised and back on meds he can’t even remember half the things he said and did during the episode and is rather embarrassed about it. As I have mentioned before, I would not have been able to see him through the episode and continue our relationship without your help and valuable information about bipolar disorder. Keep up the good work, Dave.
GRAHAM, I love your style of writing. You should really try to get something published.
I fill that this GUY was very wrong to say what he said. If you don’t like what is posted then block the email address. I also don’t pay a thing for the information that is sent to me and I realy like it and injoy it because it helps me to help my daughter that just turned 14 on the 23rd of AUG. that was just dinossed with bipolar and put on meds. for it. She was not doing her school work and turning it in on time. She wouldn’t do what she was told when she was told to do something, Now she will do what she is told when she is asked to do it. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE INFO AND KEEP IT UP! Don’t worry about the MEAN GUY
Dave, I am a supporter of a very dear friend of 19 years. He was on medication for a short time and seeing an excellent doctor but then decided he didn’t need the medication nor did he need the doctor. What a nightmare he is!!! He is a lot like the person who sent you that horrible email. I want to thank you for all the help you have given me in trying to deal with my friend John. Your articles have given me strength and courage to face everyday of not knowing what to expect except I know it only gets worse. I kept blaming myself because I thought I was doing something wrong and probably even making things worse for John. I prayed hard to the Lord for an answer and that’s when I came across your site. I truly believe my prayer’s were answered. Thank you for bringing some sanity back into my life. I still can’t seem to help my friend but I now realize that I can’t do anything until he is willing to admit he has a problem and is willing to seek help. Believe his is not at that point. He has anger for everyone and everything and somehow it is all my fault. The difference is, now instead of feeling hurt, I can have a better understanding of his thinking and actions. When John was on his medication, he was so easy to get along with, and he seemed to have joy in his life. Now like I said, he is angry and bitter all the time. I, myself, wouldn’t have gotten this far if it weren’t for your words of encouragement. Now I just hope and pray that my friend will go back to his doctor and get back on his meds. I would love to see him smile and enjoy his life again. Needless to say, he is the most stubborn person (even more stubborn than me) and I realized the less I push him, the sooner he will take the step forward. He needs to have it to be, “his idea.”
I feel very bad that this person that wrote such a vindictive email to you will find some peace and contentment in his life. For all the lives you have helped and for all the positive emails you have received, surely out weigh the negative emails such as which this man sent you.
Hi Dave
I’ve read a couple of things people are saying and there are people that is saying you should not defend yourself but I think it’s good that you do give your point of view as to keep quiet about it. From what I experience from your program you defiantly have something good out there and I really think you can help a lot of people but I would like to know more about this angry person’s point of view and want to try and understand why he was saying those things as well. I mean one can assume lots of things here why he was so angry. There could be a lot of reasons for his anger. There is also the possibility that his intention was to make a joke for instance what might be his sense of humor and is being misunderstood. I know I might get hammered for saying this but the best I would say to go by this might be to here both opinions and then try to understand both sides of the story. Well it’s my opinion, I’m still learning.
Hope the energy of anger and hurt can be change into something positive like love and tolerance.
Have a great day
David, Thanx for your efforts and concerns… stay safe … above all know that the majority of us just love the stuff you are up to adn look forward to your posts in the e-mail… Hang in there … I am Bi-polar, ADHD, And have PTSD … so what… i have medication that I take diligently … friends that are all clean and sober … you guys and my Creator that watches over me … and you … take care buddy … WooD!
Hello David,
I’m a neophyte, where your “courses” are concerned. I’ve just begun receiving info. regarding your mission in your life in regards to helping others through your own life experiences re: your mother with Bi-polar. I’ve got a sister; 5 yrs. my elder whose diagnosed Bi-polar; is 56 y/o now & the past 6 months during her manic episode w/delusions has been a “nightmare”; progressing worse day-by-day. Since then; we’ve made headway & several significant interventions in her life are being implimented; however; I’ve not been directly affected by her disorder until perhaps 3 yrs. ago & “esp. now; following her most frequent episode” I’m wanting to learn all I can about the mechanism’s of her bi-polar disorder, how I can “be aware” & how I “can help”. Admittedly, my husband mentions that any information I try to learn can be forund “on my own” & “at no cost”; but my feeling is “Where will she end up as the result of her manic or phase of psychosis during which time I’m trying to compile information & get her the help she need’s? She’s got a 76 y/o father who want’s nothing to do with her, a 49 y/o brother “in jail”; can’t care for himself, let alone support her need’s, a 74 y/o mother who tries to be there for her; but is financially limited to what support she can give; but tries to be of emotional support & deals with some of her verbal abuses during her mania. Even then @ her current age; I want to be able to support my sister as she passes-away. She’s hard of hearing & I live a 2 hr. drive from her; but E-mail her practically every day, in order to “keep her in the loop” & then my sister has me; but I’m a “long distance” supporter to her @ a 2 hr. dsitance from her also; although it’s not uncommon for me to make phone call’s concerning her on a very freq. basis. I thank God; she’s currently under court appointed commitment & she has a Social Worker who works closely with her & involves me in her care plan; without her support, I’d be lost. None the less…I Welcome the opportunity for your offered resource information, compiled over months & years of research. Many of the isues it present’s, you have answers to…seem to fit what’s going on with my sister. So “meanwhile”; I’ll continue to persuade my husband to allow me to receive your informnation as, it sounds invaluable & I feel that your time is definitely worth what your asking for what you offer to others. God Bless You…Linda
Thank you, Nightlady! Maybe one day I’ll actually finish the novel I’ve been writing on and mostly off for the last 10 years.
Dave, I’ve been getting your Bi-polar and BPD newsletters for some time now.
Obviously, Jeremy’s angry, but maybe you should learn from what he’s trying to say, rather than dismiss him, or just trying to defend yourself against his comments. He’s probably crying-out for help, and doesn’t know where to turn. I was also on the verge of asking you to cancel, because I feel I’ve gleaned relatively little knowledge for all the time I’ve spent reading. Your posts seem to say “I have the answers, but you must first go here and buy my materials.” I’m sure I’m not alone in that I just don’t have the extra money to spend on your materials.
THEN you came out with the “What she’s NOT hearing” post, and WHAM! – did you hit the nail on the head with that one! I had thought my wife had “simply” “turned-off” after menopause, and her constant nastiness towards me was due to a hormonal imbalance (for which she refuses to get help); but she twists things and claims I say things that I didn’t/wouldn’t, just as explained in that post. So maybe she has BPD too.
Early on, I had sent you an e-mail asking for help. I was desperate because a friend had suddenly turned on me. I was totally DEVASTATED and CONFUSED, until a mutual friend wrote asking ME for help, because she too had suddenly been “trashed.” I pressed her for more info, and she told me that our friend has BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Thus began my quest to try to get answers – something that’s been very difficult, because of the complexity of the illness, its many manifestations, and the sad fact that it’s little understood, even among “professionals.” I realize, Dave, that you can’t answer every message, but, still, I felt hurt that you didn’t “care” enough to get back to me. There was no one to turn to.
Three years ago I went to my 40th-year high school reunion. My wife refused to go. The empty seat next to me at the dinner table was a painful reminder. I hate doing things alone – I mean, isn’t one of the primary reasons to get married to SHARE things with someone you love? So my wife was already “dysfunctional” at that point (and probably much longer – we’ve been married for 31 years now). I can best describe the place I’m in by the closing quote from one of the episodes of “Gray’s Anatomy”: “Living with someone who doesn’t love you is worse than living alone.” Most men would have left her years ago, and, sure, that thought’s gone through my mind, but, you know, it’s hard to actually go through with that, although she’s done many things that are hard to forgive.
Now, before I go on, let me state that I have been faithful to my wife. Always.
At the reunion they handed-out a list of classmates, with contact information. After being shocked by the list of those who had passed-on, I focused on the name of a girl who I had a crush on, but never told her. I was extremely shy back then, at least partly because of the tremendous setback of losing my father to lung/brain cancer right after school started. My friend had moved to California, and I was surprised that she had still retained her maiden name. (Turns out she had had a son, planned for many years, but didn’t want to get married, so the biological father would have no further obligations). It took me a week to get up the courage to e-mail her, and I was THRILLED to get a very enthusiastic reply back. Over the next 16 months we sent each other a THOUSAND posts (as she likes to call them), and even called each other several times. We helped each other through crises. We never had an unkind thing to say. We had SO much in common, it was uncanny, to the point that we became psychic about each other. We were soul mates! Then, she suddenly began reading things into my posts. Misinterpreting them. She told me that she was suffering Clinical Depression, and to back off, until she got back to me. After I was informed about the BPD, and being unable to sleep when reading about the very real possibility of suicide I wrote to her son and a select few of her/our friends, telling them what I knew, and stressing that I cared and stood ready to help. I was totally shocked when they turned against ME, rather than offering to help. They hadn’t been treated the same way, and just didn’t see it, and somehow saw me as a villain or something. On top of that, she got hold of the post to her son, and sent me a very angry response. After sending her two Christmas cards (one from me to her, the other from our pets to hers) she responded with a certified letter saying to not contact her or her friends or she would take legal action. In that letter she also made some very hurtful and untrue comments. How did we go from “Friends forever” to “Don’t contact me…”?
My friend was tortured in high school; many of the other kids were nasty to her…something I never knew back then. She says she STILL has nightmares about those days. I assumed she was popular. To me she was cute and funny. When she was 20 a biker followed her to her apartment and raped her. She was still a virgin. How can anyone be “normal” after all that. She suffers OCD, and especially hoarding. Her townhome and garage are filled with boxes of “stuff.” I can’t help but feel that I was punished because of what others have done to her.
My own take is that we’re all “crazy.” We just have different concoctions of syptems, and to different degrees. God (or nature, whatever your perspective is) gives you creativity to balance the craziness. Otherwise, wouldn’t we all be boring? I hate “tags” but I also have symptoms which would indicate that I am Bi-Polar and also have ADD and OCD. I’ve held-down a creative position at Bell Labs, but it’s one-thing-at-a-time for me. I’m not good at multi-tasking.
The whole story is, of course, much more complicated than I could write here. It would fill VOLUMES. In short, my friend broke out of her shell and went to Woodstock with some musician friends, at the suggestion of a psychologist. She decided to move to California after receiving a call from The Beach Boys to come work for them. She became a Roadie/Road manager for many of the musicians/groups of the time, including The Eagles, Crosby & Nash, The Climax Blues Band, Dr. John, and even John Lennon. She home-schooled her son, and he became an actor, with her as manager. You’ve most likely seen him in movies and on TV. She shared some remarkable stories with me. I’ve been careful not to give out her identity, which is why I don’t even mention her first name.
I’ve read that “Borderlines leave a path of destruction,” which I’ve experienced first hand. Yet what they do to people is due to their condition, and not something they do intentionally. Supposedly it’s different than having a dual personality. Apparently they “destroy” those closest to them, while others don’t even see a problem. The “victim” is left reeling with lots of unanswered questions.
Friends as well as professionals have advised me to “look for another friend.” I’m not going to give up on her that easily. Some even say that a Borderline can never love ANYONE, which I find too sad to be able to accept. But MY friend is a one-of-a-kind. I want her to get better. I want her to be my friend again.
BUT IN MY SEARCH FOR ANSWERS, NO ONE HAS BEEN ABLE TO TELL ME HOW TO DO THAT. HOW TO GET THROUGH TO HER.
Dave, I would welcome the chance to sit down and talk with you. I drive by your office every day on the way to (and from) work – quite a coincidence, huh? And I won’t charge you, if you don’t charge me!
I believe we could learn a lot from each other. I’ve talked to my older son about this whole thing, and he says he decided to go for a psychology degree because he wanted to help people AFTER A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND TREATED HIM THE SAME WAY THAT MY FRIEND TREATED ME! I too would like to help people, and feel YOU’RE in a position to help people more than you do now. If I’m in so much pain as a Supporter, imagine how hard it is to actually live with a mental illness?
Most Sincerely,
Pete
To PETE: Although I don’t know much about borderline personality disorder, I AM a person with bipolar disorder, and I know first-hand what damage I can do when I’m in an episode.
When I’m in a full-blown mania, I make wonderful friends, who are BFF; they believe my delusions, and look to me for support and affection. But – once I’m hospitalized, they desert me, and act as if they don’t know me.
What you describe with your “friend,” sounds suspiciously like an “emotional affair,” though you state you NEVER cheated on your wife. What you must realize is that she is SICK, and has no control over her outbursts or negative treatment of you or her other so-called “friends.” While she may appear perfectly “normal” to others, she will always hurt the ones she purports to love – it’s just a “symptom of her illness.”
I suggest you forget about her – as hard as that may be right now – and pay attention to your wife. If you MUST have an outside influence, go to church, or a bar, or even on-line dating. But don’t hold on to a dream that your friend will ever “come around.” It ain’t gonna happen…
Dave, Please answer this question. Why do you write the word F.ree and not Free ? There is a big legial difference here. It’s not a type-o, it’s to constant. If your saying “Free” say so, otherwise I’ll have to disregurad what your trying to say. Please answer this e-mail. Trust means being clear in what your saying. If theres a charge “for anything” at this web-site please advise me now. I don’t mind paying for info. I want to know when I’m spending $$$$…. thank you Karl
Dave, thank you for the email. I appreciate your being in contact with me as I am a new subscriber. I just found your site on Friday as I was searching for answers to my friends problems. Even forwarding this to me, was a act of kindness as I can’t afford your packet at this time. I am a minister and I do by best not to give up on individuals that most people give up on normally. I don’t want to be that one more person who gave up on them. So, by forwarding the email of Jeremy, it gave me more examples of the behavior pattern that I so often see in a course of a week. I havent yet had the opportunity to confront my friend as he is extremely private about the possibility that I suspect he might be bi-polar or have some sort of disorder. But so far everything that I have read from your site has that indication. On friday, I was at the end of my rope and needed some sort of answers and your information and the story of your Mom’s history and how you got started, was a ray of hope in this situation for me and my friend. I will be buying your course study, It will just have to wait as since I have been helping my friend, My finances have suffered as well. But I thank you for being so open to put as much information out there for people to read that is for free. I also know that you must have sacrificed so much in your journey of research that what you are now getting back is a small portion of what the costs are of contininuing to help others. May you continued to be blessed as you are obviously blessing others. Many thanks to you!
Shawna
I am not BP, but I support someone who is. I take great exception to someone using the word “loon” on here!!
Anyway, my point. Dave, you make a business here from your knowledge, experience and research with BP. You know more than any of us on here about mental illness. Yet you choose to post – and publically mock – someone clearly going through an episode. You do this for your own self-publicity. If you have not learned enough to know that this person has issues with himself that he is merely projecting on to you then I am shocked! You know his message wasn’t really about you or your courses. I’m amazed you gave the message a moment’s consideration!
You clearly help a lot of people across the world. Keep doing what you are doing and be happy with the positive comments you get (and the money you receive from your courses). You are working in a field full of people with mental illness. If you do not EXPECT some messages like that one, you clearly haven’t done as much research as you should!!
I think the guy fell off his rocker. Some people are just plain angry and mean. In my opinion I don’t think you are any of those things that person said. Oh and for the record I haven’t purchased your book because I get so much good information from most of your emails which are free so I know you are not trying to get rich off of my illness.
just a friend,
Janette
suzanne: Thank you SO MUCH for your thoughtful response to my long post, and your generous personal insight. I realize that the odds are against me; that my friend will never come around…not unless she gets HELP and suddenly realizes what she’s been doing to people. Until then, I’ll be a lost soul.
I can’t give up that easily. Yes, I’m a dreamer, but she really meant something to me. I can’t express what a great connection we had.
Have you seen this ad on TV (concerning friends and mental illness)?…
http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=mwjjftex2f
(I’ve also placed it in the Website link, so, hopefully, you can just click on it).
This video really touches me to the soul, because it depicts how you have many friends in various situations, but then they disappear when you have a mental illness. In the ad only one comes through when you really need him. THAT is the person I’m trying to be to my friend.
Suzanne, you must be really hurt when your friends abandon you while you’re in an episode, yet you suggest I do the same to my friend?
People seem to want to dismiss “sick” people. Watch the news, and see the reaction when someone is doing something out of the norm. They are tagged as being “crazy,” as if they are worth less than “normal” human beings. It’s a sad situation. We all need to be better educated.
I wish you (and everyone here who’s struggling) PEACE and HAPPINESS.
why does this guy have to be having an episode?? why does he have to be ‘off his meds’. people can have angry reactions to things without being ill. and meds dont mean that an episode wont happen. sheer ignorance prevails among this board and it sickens me to think some of you are supposedly ‘caring’ for someone.
tbh it just seems like mails like this one are for your own benefit, to soothe your ego from the poor nasty sick man. just because someone thinks you are an ass does not mean they must be ‘having an episode’. sounds more like they are gaining clarity to me.
Hi Dave,
Everyone’s got an opinion. He was harsh, nasty but it’s his opinion. You don’t have to post these types of emails. What good does it do to rehash nastygrams?
Peace!
Do not know if I can reach you this way. I have been on 500 mg of Seroquel since September 2006 for Bipolar Disorder. I have gained 50 pounds, from a size 8 to a 16. Most of this was gained the first six months. I worked as a fact paced waitress before Seroquel and ate anything I wanted, stayed a size 8. I am 42 years old. I am on my feet 12 hours a day, running at work. I can’t eat even small meals, I keep gaining weight. I have had lab work done, my blood sugar is now high, my thyroid function is having a problem I do not understand. My metabolism is just about shut down. My hair is falling out in handfuls. I cannot sleep at all without this medication. Trazodone and Ambien are a joke, I take them and they have absolutely no effect. I did not know until now that there is a problem.
Please let me know what is going on and if someone gets this email that works with you….HELP!
Neva Smith-Hardy
In reference to Donna’s post on 01/28/09: I have learned not to tell people that I work with that I have bipolar disorder. My reasoning is this: at my last job I was very open with my supervisor about my condition. She betrayed my confidence and betrayed me by telling my co-workers. Therefore any time I got sad or angry I would be asked in front of everyone including customers if I had taken my medication that day. This is so embarrassing. At my new job no one including my employer knows anything about my condition. It is ashame that people watch these commercials on TV about bipolar disorder and come to the wrong conclusion about us in their ignorance.
Neva409
Probably someone manic and off their meds themselves – typical verbal assault while manic.
Look carefully. There is no “threat” in the message.
Granted, the tone is aggressive. The person is angry. He or she might have been better off constructing a more objective, courteous message.
But stating that one is distrubed by the actions of another is not threatening behavior. He or she is so unhappy that he wishes you misfortune.
The writer states intent to block you from his or her flow of internet traffic, and to express his/her strong opinions to friends. All of this is well within anyone’s rights.
Perhaps you are rightfully offended, annoyed, or surprised. Naturally, no one expects you to like everything people post.
But I think it makes a richer discussion to include these strongly opposing arguments. In fact, if only those in agreement are afforded credibility, there is no discussion, but rather an ongoing advertisement.
Whether or not I agree with the negative content of the post, I do very much endorse each person’s right to say what they think.
It is counterproductive to write off every opposing voice as that of a person you automatically assume is acutely ill with bipolar symptoms. There is no evidence to support that, it is an assumption.
If it doesn’t apply, let it fly, and move on. No need to make those who disagree seem like “threats.” There is no threat – only something you’d rather not hear. Let it go, let everyone enjoy their right to free speech.
But a “threat” is a statement of intent to harm another person, and a clear indication that