There was a mournful time in my life that went on for years and I was forlorn over it.  Brushing my hair seemed too arduous a task. My grilled mind was totally befuddled...I was disoriented in my head.  I felt as though I was covered in heavy, hot wax and I could not muster the strength to move or perform minimal tasks.  It was even more appalling because I was used to being the caregiver or the one people turned to from their dire straits (the band).  I felt this slumbering come over me and all I wanted to do was lay down and pray that God in His majestic mercy would let me come home.  I lived in an amazing college town where I had attended the university.  I felt like the little darling of the entire town.  I experienced so much lavish love and the extravagance of it use to melt my heart.  It was like a kiss from Jesus (Mother Theresa).  It was hard at times because I had nothing in my starved, fatigued soul to give back.  I had to lay aside my pride and receive.  I had to throw away the lifelong patterns of giving to others in order to find my self worth.  I had nothing.  This community that I lived in took all their arms and all their resources and they hugged me, they sang to me, they fed me, they went to the hospital with me in the middle of the night, they washed my feet, they wept with me, they made me laugh, they prayed for me, they paid bills for me.  It was the most uncomfortable feeling at first but they assured me that one day I would be able to pour into others just like me with the same joy and devotion as they had with me.  I can say now that I have been blessed to touch others just as I was touched then.  It is a beautiful way to live. They loved me to life. They looked at me with Jesus eyes and saw that I was special underneath the grievous grave clothes of bipolar that I wore day after day.  They invested in me and I let them do so.  I had to die to my flesh that wanted to refuse their kindness and suffer rather than allow them to help me knowing that I could not possibly earn it or pay them back.  This is grace.  This is the Father's love.  This is the way of the cross.  This is Easter.  A death and resurrection.  I died and then rose again.  I am now helping many people thanks be to God!!!

***Remember, Jesus adores you and always take your meds!

C.C. Brighton
www.bipolarliveitup.com