If my mind begins for a split second to feel the fiery darts of suicidal thoughts (Ephesians 6:16) then I call 911 or run to my car in order to get to the hospital. This has not happened in years but when it did in the past and if it did in the future this would be my M.O. As a Christian, I always tried to believe verses like, "I will live and not die and declare the works of the Lord." (Psalm 118:17) and "I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13) But in the wicked frenzy of this illness when every thought I had demanded that I take my own life..I cursed life and once I cursed God only to fall down into a soaking ball on the floor and yelp for His tender, gracious, Hosea love to restore me from such a dark act.  He taught me of my humanity during such intense, raging wars within my melting mind. All that to say...no matter how harassed and whipped I feel by the madness, I will march on and LIVE.  It was because I had hope from the Scriptures, Christian friends, and family...not to mention my deep relationship with Jesus that I wanted to live.  At times I would linger towards death but only momentarily because I meditated on what is true.  His words are true and they are LIFE.  People prayed for me around the clock and this also moved me to value and cherish this precious gift of LIFE that I have been given.  No matter how damaged I may have felt then..God had a plan all along. The sum total of all of this made me crawl from my bed of death and make a few emergency phone calls and get to the hospital where I needed to be. 

***Remeber Jesus adores you and always take your meds!

C.C Brighton
www.bipolarliveitup.com