I am consumed by my feelings.  They are like a blistering inferno that nearly engulfs me.  My soul feels darkened when my mind poisons it with ghastly thoughts of myself.  That is why it became absolutely necessary to torpedo my way through the thick, black waters of my misinformed feelings and say to myself that I ROCK! What I a mean by rock is that I am AMAZING just for taking my next breath, I am amazing because I confront a deadly and sinister illness every day.  I am amazing just because I AM A HUMAN BEING.  It does not matter what I feel.  I cannot run on feelings or emotions or the horrifying intrusive thoughts that have plagued me in the past.  I will be strong in the Lord and laugh at my enemy the devil. For I know all to well that even though he comes to, “steal, kill, and destroy” that Jesus comes “to give LIFE and life more abundantly.” (John 10:10) I will think that I rock, I will say out loud that I rock, I will meditate on beautiful, gorgeous thoughts of myself.  I find scriptures that pertain to my welfare and I speak them out loud.  Sometimes if the battle is raging through the backyard of my blazing mind I will yell these verses out loud firmly knowing that God has LIFE for me right now.

 

Everyone has idiosyncrasies.  Well, you cannot make up the stuff that I do.  You just really can’t.  The most brilliant screenwriter in the world could not make up a character like me.  I used to hate it but I have come to embrace it because everyone thinks it is charming and precious.  It seems that what they consider endearing I tried to fight my whole life.  One example is this:  when I was in my mid teens, I did some modeling.  But when it came time to walk the cat walk, I could not do it.  It turned out that in order to walk on it you had to be able to walk to the beat of the music.  Well…..I was tone deaf!!!

 

 Every day at least five times a day there is something quirky that happens that makes people smile and say my name.   I used to go straight to loser town and self loathing but now I hold my head up high.  I am glad that I could cause joy to brim over in someone’s life and in mine.  The world is sad and in definite need of these innocent moments of laughter.

 

God rocks! You rock! I rock!

 

 

C.C Brighton

www.bipolarliveitup.com