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When to Tell A Date You Are Bipolar

*Throughout the article, reference is made to "he" or "she" when talking about a person who is bipolar. It can be either, and using one term or the other is merely for the sake of convenience. These suggestions are meant for anyone, male or female, who is suffering from bipolar and his (or her) family and friends.

You've met someone! She's wonderful, and you're going to ask her out on a third date…when is the right time to tell her you're bipolar?

You're dating someone. He's wonderful, and it's been four months now; time to introduce him to your parents. You know he has bipolar disorder, but your family doesn't. How do you explain this without them seriously freaking out on both of you?

Your best buddy wants you to meet this gorgeous girl he knows. Oh, by the way, she's bipolar. Whoa…do you even want to attempt this?

The number of questions that revolve around dating and bipolar disorder could fill volumes. It's astonishing how many people meet someone, get to know them only slightly, and are immediately paralyzed with confusion when they learn the other person has bipolar disorder in a way they never would be if they learned the other person has a learning disability or heart disease.

By the same token, if you are the person who is bipolar, you may have found yourself in the awkward position more than once of trying to decide when to bring up your condition with someone you were dating. Too soon, and it can be off-putting and too revealing - after all, they don't know you that well, and why are you baring your soul? Too late, and they may feel like you've tricked them into committing their emotions without "full disclosure" on your part. Sigh. It ain't easy.

I once talked to a friend who is bipolar who also happens to have herpes (a common "occupational hazard," if you will, of bipolar, picked up during a manic phase she isn't proud of). She admitted that talking about herpes to her dates was easier than talking about her bipolar disorder!

If You Are Bipolar:
When Do You Let the Cat Out of the Bag?

This is a tough, tough question! Deciding to reveal that you are bipolar to someone you are dating is a very personal choice, and should be based on a few different factors, including:

• How open you are about your condition. Do most people already know you are bipolar? Is it a matter-of-fact part of your life that is accepted as a part of your everyday life that may be mentioned in passing in a social situation? If so, you will probably need to tell him or her early on.
   
• How well you know the person you are dating. If this is a blind date, move cautiously and get to know them as a friend first. Telling a virtual stranger about your bipolar disorder as an opening gambit isn't usually a good idea. It's unfair, but in most cases your date will find this news a bit too overwhelming to handle and won't be able to see past it to the wonderful person you are.
   
• How fast the relationship is moving. Don't wait too long. If you sense that the other person's feelings for you are growing, it's time to tell them now. It isn't fair to hope that their love for you can overcome any misgivings they may have - holding someone emotional hostage is never good for any relationship.

A good rule of thumb is that once you've moved to the stage where you begin talking about anything at all personal (her feelings about her parents' divorce, her first real kiss, etc.), you should ask her if you can talk to her about something important. Explain that you feel it's only fair that she understand where you're coming from and that you want to explain about what's going on with you before things go any farther. Be sure to give them the opportunity to ask you any questions they might have - remember, many people don't have any idea of what bipolar disorder even means!

If done properly, the other person will appreciate your honesty and that you cared enough to share with them. If not, the person wasn't likely to have been the type to be supportive of your disorder in the long run anyway, so it's better to have found out early on before you invested too much of yourself in a relationship that wasn't healthy for you, either.

About the Author

David Oliver is the founder of FreeBipolarCourse.com, a one-stop source of information on how to cope and deal with bipolar disorder. Sign up for one of his FREE Mini Courses on bipolar by visiting FreeBipolarCourse.com

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