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What to Say When Someone Tells You That They or Someone Close
to Them Has Bipolar Disorder
By Michele Soloway Sexton
We hear a lot these days about what the "politically correct" thing is to say
to people about various subjects. Well, when it comes to bipolar disorder, there
really isn't anything that is "PC." However, here are some suggestions about
what to say to someone when they tell you that they, a friend, loved one, child,
co-worker, or someone else they know has bipolar disorder:
- • The first thing you should determine is whether that person is
newly diagnosed or if they have had bipolar disorder for a fairly long time.
There is a big difference between having bipolar disorder for a long time
and just being diagnosed. Someone who has been stable for a long time
shouldn't need any intervention, and is probably leading a fairly normal
life. On the other hand, if you are dealing with someone who has just been
diagnosed, they probably have a million questions, and are probably feeling
confused, anxious, angry, and any number of feelings. For this person, you
need to be a calm, comforting, understanding, and unconditionally loving
friend and/or loved one. Reassure them of your love and support, and be a
good listener.
- • Dealing with a person who is newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
If someone tells you they have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder,
you need to ask them if they have found out anything about the disorder yet.
Sometimes they have gotten a pamphlet about the disorder from their doctor,
but sometimes that is all they know. In this case, they may be feeling
confused and frustrated, and may need you to direct them. They need
information. You may not know much more than they do, however. But you can
tell them that information is the key, and you can direct them to:
www.bipolarcentral.com.
- • Tell them about www.bipolarcentral.com.
You don't have to have bipolar disorder yourself to direct them to the
website. I have worked with Dave and the website for three years now, and
when someone tells me they have bipolar disorder but don't know where to
turn, it's the first place I send them. I'm actually excited about it, to
tell you the truth. BipolarCentral is the largest bipolar website in the
country, and has all the information a newly diagnosed person with bipolar
disorder needs when they are getting started! I really wish I had this
information when I was first diagnosed. I was so afraid, and I'm sure your
friend/loved one is, too. But learning the most they can about bipolar
disorder will help them not be as afraid.
Tell them about Dave – he is the founder of the website. He started it
because his mother had bipolar disorder. He has an incredible story, and
they can read all about it on the website. He has ten people that work for
him, and all of them have either bipolar disorder or another mental illness.
He believes that people with bipolar disorder are extremely smart and really
capable! He says they do an incredible job for him! He is really positive
about people with bipolar disorder. So tell your friend or loved one to read
about Dave and visit his blog. They will see that having bipolar disorder is
NOT a bad thing – it's just your attitude about it that makes the
difference.
- • Tell them that they are NOT alone.
One of the best things you can tell them is that they are NOT alone! Just
knowing that will help more than you know. Tell them that there are 13
million people in this country that have bipolar disorder, and the number
grows every day! Tell them that there are support groups everywhere that
they can attend – go to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA)
on the Internet, and they will tell you where there is a support group near
you.
- • Tell them that there is help.
They may have been told that there is no cure for bipolar disorder, and that
is true – but there is treatment for bipolar disorder, and with treatment,
they can learn to live a healthy, happy, productive, successful life. Having
bipolar disorder is NOT the end of the world, it's just the beginning of a
different lifestyle than the one they were living – they will have to change
some things, of course, but tell them it will get better.
- • Ask how you can help them.
Ask them how you can help. Don't ask "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Because that's just a yes/no question. Asking, "What can I do to help you?"
is much more specific, and they will have to think of ways that they can use
your help. Just asking for your help may be difficult for them, so just
supporting them at this time may be the best help you can give.
- • They will have to change some things.
They will have to see a doctor, psychiatrist and therapist. They will have
to take medication for the rest of their life. They will have to eat a good
diet, exercise, and have a regular sleep pattern. They will have to
eliminate as much stress from their life as possible. They may have to quit
their job and possible go on Disability. They will definitely have to change
some things, but tell them it will all be for the better.
- • If they have just come out of the hospital…
If they have been hospitalized and are just returning home, they may feel a
bit shaky. They may have to attend an outpatient therapy group for awhile.
They may feel as if their whole life has turned upside down. They may need
to hang onto your shoulders for a little while for support. They will be
learning new ways to live with bipolar disorder, and they may need your
help. Tell them you are willing to be there for them.
- • Facing the future…
They will be facing an uncertain future, and they may feel confused,
anxious, and fearful. Everything has changed for them, and they may feel as
if it happened overnight, and they don't know what to do. They need to think
about the future, but they're just trying to make it through today. You can
certainly understand that, can't you? So you can calm them, reassure them,
and tell them very simply, "One day at a time."
About the Author
Michele Soloway has dealt with bipolar disorder from a very young age. Her
grandmother, mother, herself, and her teenage son all have the
disorder. She also lost her sister to suicide because of bipolar disorder.
Michele has a blog for bipolar survivors at http://bipolarsurvivor.blogspot.com,
and is also a contributing writer to www.bipolarcentral.com.
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If you are in a crisis please call:
1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) or
1-800-273-TALK (8255) |
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