Weeding Out False Friends

By David Oliver

So many people with bipolar disorder have said, "I don't want to tell anyone about my condition because I don't want to lose my friends."

To me, this is like saying, "I don't want to tell anyone I have cancer because I don't want to lose my friends."

If you have friends who will abandon you when things get tough because you have bipolar disorder, you need to reevaluate those friendships and determine whether they were really worth having in the first place.

There are many different types of friendship, and some of them are very surface friendships, based primarily on a shared circumstance or activity, like "gym friends" or "workplace friends." Perhaps you will never tell these people that you have bipolar, since you only see them in particular situations.

But your closest, dearest friends deserve to know and understand what bipolar is so that they can help you and support you. It will also encourage them to understand and stay with you during those times when you are either depressed or manic and may lash out at them and hurt their feelings and do things that are damaging to your relationship with them.

If, after telling them, they feel that they can't be friends with you any longer, the problem isn't yours - it is theirs. You have not changed at all in the moments between before you told them and after you told them. You are the same person. The only thing that changed was their perception of you, and it wasn't in a kind, sympathetic or understanding way. This doesn't make them a very good friend.

If you would like an example that is very powerful, ask your friend what would happen if one of their parents developed Alzheimer's Disease and became mean and vindictive because of it. Would they stop loving their parent? The answer would be, "No, of course not. They couldn't help it, that's the illness, not my mother or father, and I would still love and support them."

Reply that bipolar is the same way. You are asking for their love and support because sometimes you cannot help the way you may act because bipolar disorder prevents you from acting rationally. It is not you, and you cannot control it - you are not a mean or vindictive person and you still love them.

If they still hesitate, a good gauge of whether they can be a true friend is to give them the chance to ask you some questions. If the questions they ask are focused on you, they are very good, supportive friends. If the questions they ask are centered on how your bipolar will affect them, perhaps it is time to let the friendship go and seek a stronger, more resilient friendship with someone else!

About The Author

David Oliver is the founder of FreeBipolarSupport.com a one stop source of information on how to cope and deal with bipolar disorder. Sign up for one of his FREE Mini Courses on Bipolar by visiting FreeBipolarCourse.com.

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